You guys, Dance Moms! How was I even alive before this show? There is nothing more awesome than coming home after a long day of work and watching some ladies yell at each other while their daughters cringe in fear. It gets even better when the dance teacher rolls in and yells at everyone so hard that her vocal chords break and she can’t even talk. This is also usually the time that Allen gets annoyed and takes the computer into the other room so he doesn’t have to hear me giggling. He tried to watch second season with me, but was frustrated and dismayed when he learned that no one on the show had learned anything from season 1, and everyone was still screaming, shouting, and whining about dance lessons. I tried to discuss this with him, but he was already in the other room, battling zombies with his army of adorable plants.
Allen doesn’t think there is anything more disgusting than Dance Moms, but I think that a giant hissing cockroach giving birth could be considered a little grosser. I mean, in reality, birth is a beautiful thing and a miracle of nature, but in photos it is often both frightening and pornographic. Since I have already suffered through the photos, I thought I would let you (possibly) lose your lunch over a sight even more frightening than A Serbian Film. Obviously the photos are safe for work, but probably not for your fragile mind.
You ever think about octopuses? I do, sometimes. Generally not on a pleasant way because as a child I had a fear that an octopus would strangle me. I also had fears about being pushed underwater in the Dead Sea and being eaten by a shark. I thought octopuses were both mean and scary and saw them as completely unrelatable creatures. Except now I learn that these evil sea-dwellers—whose dreams consist only of inking me in the face and dragging me to a watery grave—also like HDTV. You know who else likes HDTV? I DO! And Allen won’t buy me one! Octopus: 1, Allen: -2,084.
You’re still freaking out about those roaches, aren’t you? Or have you started watching an entire season of Dance Moms? Either way, you’re going to need some of this virtual eyewash to wipe your trauma away! Enjoy! Polar bears!
That’s all for this week! Please send me links for next week and have a non-traumatic Wednesday!
[Photo by Steve Dunleavy via Flickr]