vegansaurus!

Vegansaurus is having a slow day. To elaborate, a slow and angry day. Thusly do I present to you Vegansaurus’ inaugural Upsetting Corner: more constructive than screaming into a pillow, less therapeutic than punching someone in the face.

Upsetting Topic dem Tag: Designer impostors and animal skins
The uproar about counterfeit designer goods greatly offends me. OF COURSE I want to eliminate sweatshops; child labor, slave labor, and child slave labor are horrifying; no one should have to unknowingly fund terrorist groups. These are consequences of the market for cheap “designer” clothes and accessories, and if not buying fakes eliminates them, then don’t buy fakes. It’s so easy to agree with all of this, it’s hardly a story. In fact, Daily News, a much smarter book that addresses the subject already exists, so what are you contributing to the counterfeit designer canon besides a fuzzy graphic? Shoddy “news” articles offend me.

Pertinently, what offends me is the total ignorance of the consequences of legitimate clothing and accessory production on animals. Remember the Hermès crocodile farm? Snake skins are obtained by nailing the snake to a tree, skinning it, and leaving it to die, because HA HA it’s alive during the process. Forcing orphans to sew tiny stitches into fake-leather bags for 14 hours a day is awful. Skinning snakes alive is awful. But they are ONLY ANIMALS so WHO CARES? Plus they’re mean, scary animals, nobody likes gigantic people-eating (only not really) boa constrictors or pythons, might as well make use of them somehow.

Things we know: people will commit monstrous, inhuman acts against other creatures: they enslave the weak; torture and kill for food and for vanity; and when challenged, argue forever to continue such behavior. That is the system, and it’s been in place forever, and how do you help its victims? You pick something easy to fight, is how; that’s when we get not only precious articles like last week’s from the Daily News, but even more precious blog entries decrying terrible fake-designer shoes. They are so disgusting, that stench of not-leather and terrorism never comes off. Does anyone discuss the impact of the legitimate shoe industry? NO WAY. Challenging this system in a meaningful way is way too hard, especially compared to looking at fancy shoes, they are so so pretty. Any meat-abstainers still tempted by leather are advised to listen to this episode of Vegetarian Food for Thought. The facts about leather production are fucking brutal; learn them, and share with friends!

I do not advocate buying designer-impostor goods. Knock-offs, vegan knock-offs, certainly, but nothing that claims to be the product of a design house when it clearly isn’t. All I ask—and I know this is too much, which is another reason to feel extremely upset today—is that when the fashion world clutches its collective pearls in horror at the awful reality of counterfeit haute couture, it acknowledges the awful reality of all the animals who suffer and die for honest fashion. Famous people don’t care about them: they just wear them.

This has been Vegansaurus’ Upsetting Corner.

Lamb Cam blog, a.k.a., the Martha’s Vineyard/Hudson Valley Fiber Farm blog. This is a family farm that raises goats and sheep for their fleece, exclusively: they never sell any of their animals for meat! The work of shepherding, from the birth of a lamb to its shearing, and then from the newly sheared wool to the dyed and spun yarn, is documented in detail on the blog—there are no more mysteries.Still, the best part is all the pictures (and videos) of the lambs and kids adorabling it up, knowing they will never be anyone’s supper.

vegan spam: Why hasn’t anyone made this for me yet?!

Maybe you’re all too smart to watch NYC Prep, but some of us have to, and you may be interested to know that one of the characters is a vegan! She goes on a date with some asshole to a French restaurant where all she can order is a green salad (without dressing! Though that may be partly due to her being a teenage girl). In another episode, she goes to vegetarian/mostly vegan restaurant Zen Palate with a competing suitor. Who do you think she should go for?

At the Bitten blog, Emily Weinstein asks readers for their best squash recipes, specifically the ones with lots of delicious fats in them. Vegansaurus loves fats!

To support the community and its revenues during the recession, Cafe Gratitude has started asking customers to name their own prices. For certain dishes, at least, like I Am Grateful. While the menu price is $7, they report that the “average price” paid is $3.50. Cafe Gratitude at 50 percent off? You know who is grateful? Thepoors. Yes, please.
[link from Eater SF]

Tragedy! The introduction of lady penguin from San Diego has apparently broken up the gentlemen penguin couple at the Central Park Zoo in New York. While Vegansaurus does not support zoos, the idea that yesterday “Roy, all alone, sat disconsolately at the edge of the penguin area, staring at the wall,” is so fucking sad. Who will raise the baby?

It is better living for animals in Arizona, thanks to SB 1115. The governor signed the bill yesterday, which passed 28 to 1 in the Arizona state Senate, and 53 to 1 in its House. Impressive!

The legislation addresses mostly dog and horse issues. More broadly, it “prohibit[s] the intentional, staged fighting of any species of animal.” Did you know that people make different kinds of animals fight each other? Fucking sickening. But! no longer in Arizona!

Compare this to California Governor Fuckface, who cannot deal with the fact that people concern themselves with animal welfare. Oh how I hate that man.

All you so-called locavores: next Wednesday, July 22, is Millennium’s 10th Annual Farmer’s Market Dinner, a sure-to-be-delicious $80 prix fixe menu. The farmers themselves will be on hand with their earthy charm, and their produce will also be available for you to take home and do a much worse job with than Eric Tucker.

Make reservations now, space is limited!

Hot dogs are already synonymous with “vomitous mixture of ground animal parts that out of context the eater would never sincerely eat,” and they have friends now: the animal parts that make up a gyro cone. This is an especially nauseating video, which everyone who has ever eaten and/or plans to eat a gyro must (be forced to) watch, because, holy shit.

Did you know that gyros were hideous lamb-parts, breadcrumb and water amalgams? I did not, and now I want to die.

The Turkish equivalent is called döner kebab—the animal parts are also shaved off a rotating meat-cone, horribly glistening in the heat of the “rotisserie.” In Berlin there is a place that makes a vegan version, called Vöner, which I’m told is pretty tasty. Remember, one of the rules of veganism is that as long as it is completely vegan, any meat substitute—no matter how morally/gustatorialy/&c. revolting—is totally fine to eat. I advise that if you are starving in Germany at some ungodly hour when only the döner stands are open, order one with no meat or sauce. It is vegetables in a big fluffy pita-type bread, and they charge you less than half-price, and it will get you home/wherever proper food awaits.

If nothing else, you can at least laugh at reporter David Segal, who despite including a phonetic (ish) pronunciation of the word “gyro” in his article, still manages to mispronounce it—multiple times!!—in that just-under-90-second-long video. One does not get the impression that he has since stopped eating gyros, but Vegansaurus isn’t much for making baseless assumptions, or harsh judgments, so saying something like, “Watching what was once lamb get mushed up and formed into a creepy meat-cone should make a person stop eating shavings from that meat cone, and that it does not speaks very poorly of that person’s capacity for connecting his/her food-product with the reality of its production,” would be very out of character.

Thrillist points us to a new chicken and waffles restaurant opening Monday in the Fillmore. Surprise, surprise: scouring the menu revealed that they do, in fact, serve vegan buckwheat waffles, complete with Earth Balance! Vegan waffles are near-impossible to come by in the city—not even Herbivore serves them—so it might actually be worth a trip when the waffle craving hits.

It looks like this and a “vegetarian plate” (a sampler of all the veggie sides—with vegan cornbread!) are Gussie’s only concessions to veganism, though. I guess you have to bring your own fried chicken.

Details come from the awesome kkr:

“I encourage entries, email to enter.  free to compete and there are lots of prizes like restaurant and grocery store gift certificates, omnivore books gift certificates, food goodies and CASH MONEY.”

Obvs there is no reason to attend unless you’re there killing it with your amazing vegan mac n’ cheese recipe. Back before there was even Vegansaurus, Vegansaurus hosted a Vegan Mac and Cheese BAKE-OFF. The identity of the winner has been lost to the selective memory of time, tragic. EXCEPT THAT IT WASN’T. THAT IS CORRECT I WAS THE WINNER SUCK ON THAT ETC ETC.

Additional reporting that makes more sense over at Mission Mission.

YOU GUYS. This email just came in from SF Vegan Bakery TO OUR VERY OFFICIAL VEGANSAURUS EMAIL ACCOUNT WE ARE LIKE A REAL BUSINESS:

Hey Vegansaurus!

As you have mentioned on the blog (thank you!), San Francisco’s 1st Vegan Bakery is coming soon! We’re just about to start the building process, but what we need are a few handy veg-friendly folks to get things going, so we can get our doors open ASAP & stay within our budget. If you know of any plumbers, contractors, construction specialists, architects, or others who may be able to help us out, please get them in touch with us. People who will do partial trade for sweets are great, but we’re open to all qualified folks who want to help a group of vegans out who are looking to show the city how delicious cruelty-free sweets can be!

Thanks so much, SF Vegan Bakery

Who can step up and help these mysterious fools!? WE NEED OUR VEGAN BAKED GOODS AND WE NEED THEM YESTERDAY.

Also, I’m still reallllllly hoping this is in the Mission. PLEASE GOD. Anyway, email them immediately, I’ve been waiting long enough and am VERY HUNGRY.

If you’re even more bored than usual with the internet, you can read the story of Joseph Banks on the site. However, if there is ANYTHING else you can do, do that instead. I’m talking cleaning your dog’s teeth or staring at the wall. Try masturbating! What do you have to lose! Besides your vision!

After sitting near the open windows during so many workweeks, I’ve become used to the smells and sounds of the neighborhood. Mostly it’s cars and kids and fresh summer air (read: cold-ass wind), but

Unfortunately, grilling isn’t the thrill that it once was, back in those halcyon days of ignorance (read: animal cookery). Your only real outlet for creativity is with vegetables, and grilled vegetables are extremely delicious, yes, but a person can tire of grilled vegetables.

Today in his Bitten blog, Mark Bittman shares a recipe for grilled vegetable soup, which solves a lot of problems and sounds super-good. It seems like you can get pretty creative with it, and I’d bet you could eat it cold, too, making it a most superior summer soup indeed.

Maybe the next time you’re invited to a barbecue, you can bring extra vegetables specifically to grill for the soup. That’d be smart.

Hey, we’re nothing if we’re not inconsistent. And attractive. And very inconsistent. But whatevs, here we go.

Want to win a free copy of The Vegan Scoop and make really delicious vegan ice cream all summer long? Yeah you do, fatty. Head on over to VegWeb giveaway thread and let them know your favorite vegan ice cream flavor is for a chance to win! Speaking of ice cream because I CAN’T SEEM TO STOP HELP ME, Vegan Dad has a delicious-looking recipe for Strawberry Ice Cream up. Do want!

“Put the Lime in the Coconut” Vegan-themed potluck over at Notes from the Vegan Feast/21st Century Table. Jonas really loves that song, it’s his favorite, so this is up here for him.

Fancy Nancy just sent us a recipe for Rhubarb Puff Pie along with the words, “even I would eat this.” Strong endorsement! Speaking of delicious looking vegan pie things, the kitchn has up a photo of the most amazing looking plum and fig tart i want to eat it all night long, luckily they link to the recipe too! It’s no surprise they are from Vegan Feast…everything she makes looks to be made of magic!

Michael Taylor, a former Monsanto executive, had joined the FDA as “senior advisor to the commissioner.” Essentially, that means that he has tons and tons of power. This is the same dude who approved the use of Monsanto’s genetically engineered growth hormone in dairy cows. OBAMA WTF? (link)

Peta’s done something useful! That involves neither fake blood nor (nearly) nude ladies! Yes, everyone is surprised. Be Nice to Bunnies is a fancy new iPhone app that, among other things: gives you access to Peta’s Cruelty-Free Database; provides multiple search options; and is regularly updated to coincide with the actual CFD. With regular use, this will change your shopping habits, starting with its purchase for $1.99.

Are you aware of Voice Yourself, Woody Harrelson’s insanator website? I’ve been exploring it for hours and have yet to determine its reason for existing. Pertinently, I did learn that Woody and his wife, Laura Louie, consider themselves to be “raw food, vegans [sic] who flow with the ever-changing aspects of [their] lives. [They] eat predominantly raw food, consume honey and enjoy a balanced diet.” I did not understand their “Mission Statement,” like, at all, so here is a description for you instead: Voice Yourself is: another half-baked celebrity vanity project an impenetrable hodgepodge of neo-hippie crap a nice-enough effort to built a socially conscious online community.

Vegan spinster aunt explains her guilt for accidentally killing a centipede in a glue trap meant for spiders, and how she, a true insect-loving person, came to commit such a foul deed.

That’s it for today. Next week maybe we will have more links. Definitely, if you send us some.