vegansaurus!

Hey sexy people, Stylist.com gave a shout out to San Francisco’s “beauty trends!” Let the excitement begin! I’ll summarize for you because you are lazy and I’m a genius summarizer:
1. Smokey eyes are so totally in.
2. You’re crunchy bastards.

They say vegan makeup is all the rage and that Pin Up Cosmetics is totally the way to go. I had never heard of this Pin Up Cosmetics but they’re vegan and based in San Francisco! Has anyone tried their products before?

They also gave some love to Rainbow Grocery among other places:

If you’re in San Francisco (or you just want to get into natural beauty), stores such as Rainbow Grocery, Whole Foods and The Real Food Company are the hip places to shop for local, fresh and organic beauty products. Come visit!

Congratulations, you guys are grocery hipsters! Yay!

With the news of Jessica Simpson becoming vegan [Ed.: lolz!], I want to remind all the vegans out there why we still win in this crazy competition called life.

To begin: Cesar mother-fucking Chavez. BOOYAH! It makes a million dollars worth of sense to me that Chavez, activist for immigrant labor rights, was vegan, as the meat industry is notorious for abusing immigrant labor.

Chavez strikes a blow to that tired old bullsheezy that veganism is for rich white people. Every time I hear this, I’m like STFU because the first vegans I ever met were Black Panthers. Again I say, BOOYAH.

Next, Ellen Degeneres! If you don’t like Ellen, you’re totally crazy and most definitely have a heart made of cold hard steel. Ellen is the greatest. Remember when they told her her career would end if she came out? SHUT UP stupid jerks! Ellen came out and she’s taking over the world. If Oprah is the queen, Ellen is the princess and she’s gunning for that throne. Plus, her wifey is hot as all get out.

Are you ready for my next entry? Leonardo da Vinci! I KNOW, RIGHT? OK, oK, scholars are only sure he was vegetarian but I’m inferring that he didn’t eat milk or eggs because of this:

da Vinci even entertained the notion that taking milk from cows amounts to stealing. Under the heading, “Of the beasts from whom cheese is made,” he answers, “the milk will be taken from the tiny children.”

Now maybe I’m wrong but if history is any indication, I’M ALWAYS RIGHT. And you can’t get better than da Vinci; we could totally beat the non-vegans with him alone! He’s THE MAN.

On to a modern-day superstar: Russell Simmons! Besides pioneering rap, the most popular music everrrr, did you watch him on the Rev. Run show? He’s SO COOL! Always giving kids good advice and stuff. Plus, another blow to the white vegan stereotype. I would totally marry him if he weren’t so into meditation. Meditation makes me want to stab my eyes out with a broach. Which is to say, it’s kind of boring.

This one totally seals the deal, like no question we’re DOMINATING: Prince! I knowwww, we rule! Prince. PRINCE! I can’t take it. And don’t hate, “Diamonds and Pearls” is my fucking jam.

Now for the king of all things indie: Jason Schwartzman! I’ve been somewhat obsessed with him since Rushmore. He’s so great! Remember that part, “O R they” bwahahaha! Seriously, I love this guy. One day we’ll meet and he’ll immediately see that we’re perfect for each other. I WOULDN’T MAKE UP A THING LIKE THAT!

Next: Daryl Hannah! Star of Splash, the best movie ever made! She’s also in 8 mile. Case closed! [Update! Daryl Hannah was not in 8 mile, it was Kim Basinger. Sorry I’m on crack all the time! Just kidding, I’m not sorry. Thanks for the correction Ready4uu78!]

Last but most hot, Joaquin damn-I’d-tap-that Phoenix! Jeez louise he’s the HOTNESS. I don’t even care about his insane “rap” “career,” I’d bang him, beard and all. I hear he’s also an actor—kudos!

That is all for today, but that’s more than enough to prove we’re winning. I’m totally expecting there to be lots of “she/he’s not vegan!” comments and that’s OK, because the more you know, the more you grow.

Does everyone remember that superfantasticamazing sloth video we posted? Well guess what: there’s more to come! Lucy Cooke, a frog-activist and filmmaker, has gone back to the sloth orphanage in Costa Rica to supply us with more sloth “cute-crack” as she calls it (as “cute imagery really does work like crack by stimulating the reward centre of the brain”). She plans to make more videos but for now, there are some HOLY-CRAP-CUTE pictures! OMG I NEED A SLOTH TO KEEP IN MY POCKET!

Fulvio Bonavia, “Untitled”, A Matter of Taste, 2008
Eggplant shoes! This is from Beautiful/Decay magazine’s three-part series on food art. Not all of it’s vegan, of course, but a lot of it is pretty amazing. I especially like Han Bing’s “Walking the Cabbage” photos. More useless footwear are Mini Melissa, a new line of Vivienne Westwood for Melissa vegan shoes for babies. I am filling out adoption papers RIGHT NOW to acquire the babies to fill these fucking adorable shoes, $100-per-pair price be damned.

Vegan-type events!
Oh my gosh, it’s here! The third East Bay Vegan Bakesale is here! Tomorrow, Saturday June 26 from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. in front of Issues—20 Glen Ave. at Piedmont Avenue—in Oakland! Selling vegan deliciousness from Cinnaholic, Fat Bottom Bakery, Pepples Donuts, Sugar Beat Sweets, Violet Sweet Shoppe, Wholesome Bakery, and lots of non-professional volunteers!

After hitting up the EBVBS, head over to Harvest Home Sanctuary for the summer open house! There’ll be guided tours, a presentation by author Mark Hawthorne, and vegan snacks. HHS asks that you please register for the event, whereupon you’ll receive driving directions.

PETA and the San Francisco Vegetarian Society have combined forces to leaflet in front of the KFC at 4150 Geary Blvd. at 6th Avenue. Be there on Sunday, June 27 from noon to 1 p.m.; materials provided by PETA; lunch at Golden Buddha to follow.

On Monday, June 28, attend “Perspectives on Liberation and Oppression,” with former prisoner (SHAC 7!) and animal-rights activist Andy Stepanian. The event will be held at Station 40, at 3030B 16th St. at Mission Street in San Francisco, and begins at 7 p.m.

Articles and such for vegan reading!
Let’s look at this week’s restaurant reviews in the Chronicle! Well well well, Michael Bauer enjoyed his meals at Gracias Madre! Possibly more than your Vegansaurus has (thus far). Can you imagine!

Check this out: tacos de vegetales from Taco Station in Los Angeles. Did you know that there are many delicious AND traditional (YES, TRADITIONAL) Mexican recipes that are vegetarian and/or vegan? LA Weekly does. [photo by Dommy Gonzalez, LA Weekly]

Hey here’s some news: eating meat will kill you! Possibly sooner than you think—the South Gate Meat Co. recalled almost 40,000 pounds of ground beef this week because of E. coli contamination! It also apparently makes you fucking stupid, as evidenced by the National Pork Board’s lawsuit against the TOTALLY FAKE Radiant Farms’ canned unicorn slogan: “the new white meat.”

It’s fun to make fun of animals, right? Check out these lemurs who live in Whipsnade Zoo in England: they’re totally playing soccer, just like the World Cup! Look, they even have red cards! HA HA ANIMALS SO FUNNY!

Let’s take the edge off with the best fucking story of the week: Mel, one of the “bait dogs” rescued from Michael Vick’s compound of death, has been adopted; he now has a loving family, a new best dog friend, and a stuffed monkey he uses as a “security blanket.” You’re crying right now, aren’t you? Well, read the article and then try to hold back the tears. OK, how about this story about Oscar the cat, who got “bionic” back legs after someone (the article doesn’t say!) hit poor Oscar with a combine harvester.

The New York Times Magazine’s big feature is called “Tuna’s End” and probably of interest to those of us who give a fuck about not ruining the world’s oceans. I can’t give you any further sardonic commentary because I haven’t had time to read it yet.

You’ll have to forgive me if this post is a little rough around the edges; it’s really hard to type while you’re holding the pieces of your recently exploded head together. Anyway, the outrage this time is none other than lion burgers.

Some genius in Mesa, Ariz. (thanks again, Arizona!) got the bright and not-at-all crazy idea to serve up burgers made from locally raised, free-range LION at his Italian-ish looking restaurant, Il Vinaio as a kind of tribute to the World Cup happening right now in South Africa/whorish publicity stunt. Never mind that South African cuisine traditionally skews away from hamburgers, lion or not—to me, this reads like just another episode of “Adventurous Eating for Assholes.”

I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised; this is the next logical step in the whole “meat is the new black” offal slide into culinary hipsterdom. As offal-eating websites and articles descend on the internet like a pack of intestine-filled locusts, culinary hipsters are apparently ever striving to find new and horrible ways to indulge their palates. It appears that lion burgers are the next step, and all I can really say is UGH.

What makes this perhaps even more sad and pathetic is that the restaurateur who’s so interested in pushing the envelope that he secures LION MEAT for his menu apparently can’t do better than a fucking burger. A BURGER. That’s right—the exact type of food that was INVENTED to disguise the taste of inferior meat is now being used as a showcase for the meat of an ENDANGERED FUCKING SPECIES? In what kind of fucked-up universe does that make sense? I guess it at least puts the lie to the old saw the whole-pig-and-offal set like to trot out, about how “limiting” it would be to cook without meat. Sorry guys, looks like the bar for culinary crutch just got set a couple notches higher.

[Thanks to Rosie for the heads-up & investigation!]

We got an update on the from the Oakland Animal Services about the success of their recent adoption event. Guess what! Simone that sassy kitty with her tongue sticking out got adopted! But guest what else: Marshmallow the bunny did not (sad face).

Marshmallow’s picture here made quite a splash with the Vegansaurs, as he’s the cutest bunny ever! But it turns out the adoption event was just for cats and dogs—no bunnies included! So there are still plenty o’ bunnies available for adoption at OAS. I’m sure most readers are totally aware that you can adopt bunnies, gerbils, rats, et al. from shelters, but I think the general public doesn’t really know that. Everyone knows you can adopt cats and dogs, but pet stores have the little furries readily available, and I think that’s the first place many people think to look. Of course if pet stores didn’t sell these animals, that would change everything. There are plenty of pet stores that promise not to sell cats and dogs but some of these same stores still sell tiny pets. Why the discrepancy? We need to organize some kind of awareness campaign! So that everyone knows there are homeless pets of all sizes! Get on that!

Now, my pals, let me introduce some of the bunnies available because there’s always room for cute bunny pictures in your day!

This is Barkley doing his “say whaaaat?” pose.

This is Bounce and Downey. I call this one, “Can’t we all just get along?”

This is Momo and Breeze—totally Usual Suspects, right?!

Finally, here’s Zeppole! I don’t call this anything but adorable.

If you are looking for a bunny, always go to your local shelter! I know, “duh Megan,” but you should also spread this message to the masses! Sing it from coast to coast! No bunny left behind!

Alright, PSA over, let’s discuss the cuteness!

It’s almost the end of June, and you know that means: new iPhone release day! Which means (a) you’re going to need a stiff drink (or 10) after standing in line for seven hours to get your very own shiny love-brick from The Future; or (b) you’re going to need a stiff drink (or 10) to wash away the memory of stabbing/dumping the body of your coworker who wouldn’t STFU about a friggin’ phone that they stood in line like a fool for seven hours to get. What I’m saying is, you live in San Francisco, the world capital of unhealthy technology addiction, and it’s practically guaranteed that you will be one of these two people by tomorrow night. Either way the solution is the same: drink the pain away. Hence, SF Vegan Drinks, sponsored as always by your Vegansaurus. Take it away, Lyndsay’s press release:

Just a heads up that the June installment of Vegan Drinks is Thursday, June 24 at Martuni’s (Valencia @ Market). Come on out to mingle with other interesting vegans while enjoying drink specials (This Month: $5 Strawberry and Summer Citrus Martinis) and a host of non-alcoholic beverage options!

We didn’t want to pass on a good thing, so this month, we’ll be cooking up some more vegan hot dogs. For only 98 cents a piece, you can satisfy your after-work hunger. You may just want to have two!

Only two? At 98 cents, start training now for the hot dog competitive eating contest, because this month, it’s happening for reals even if I’m the only contestant. As always, Vegan Drinks goes from 6 to 8 p.m., plenty of time to drink too many $5 Strawberry and Summer Citrus Martinis and make confessional video calls to your exes. The future is already so bright.

Peoples, you’ve GOT to try this stuff! It’s called chocolate, ever heard of it? But this chocolate is insanely good—like, crazier-than-my-mom good! Mast Brothers Chocolate is made in a tiny lil’ factory in Brooklyn by the adorable Mast brothers. I saw these chocolate bars and had to check them out; for one, they have superfantastic packaging. It’s all old-wallpaper-looking wrapping—so pretty! Then it totally says, “2.5 oz. Vegan Product” on the back! I love an explicit vegan shoutout. It also has the “date of birth” on the back, which warmed my icy heart (You can’t hurt steel!). I decided to buy the dark chocolate with almonds and sea salt because I’m a big fan of the chocolate-and-salt combo. I used to love chocolate-covered pretzels for that reason. This salt content is way beyond some silly chocolate-covered pretzel! It’s perfect.

You can buy the chocolate at various places, in New York mostly but you can also order the bars online so do not fret San Franciscans! Actually, someone in SF should totally get in on this action! For real, you could sell the crack out of it (I just invented that turn of phrase, feel free to use it). They are super into the whole artisan shtick, they might even know a femivore or two. They have a nice blog that collects articles written about them (there’s about 80 million!) as well as other points of interest in the general craft/artisan community. It looks like you can even visit their operation on Saturdays! Maybe I can stop by! Maybe I can meet the Mast brothers! Are the breasts still the appropriate place to get autographed? I’m just playing! I would like to get the lowdown on the vegan-ness of the place, though. I’m a big factory-tour enthusiast (whatever, you probably like “books” and other lame stuff, leave me alone!) and the only chocolate factory I’ve been to is Hershey’s as a wee lass, and that’s far from vegan.

In conclusion: HOLY CRAP I’M IN LOVE.

Welcome to the first edition of the Vegansaurus Diet, featuring reader Scrumptious S! This was inspired by New York Magazine’s Diet series! Thanks for the inspiration, guys!

I eat the kind of diet that makes people’s jaws drop open in disbelief, right before they say, “But what can you eat?” I can’t eat wheat/gluten and I don’t eat animal products. As long as I’m cooking for myself there’s a whole universe of food for me, but heaven forbid I should want to sit in a cafe for more than a few hours, because if hunger strikes when I am out in the world and I don’t want to spend a ton of money, I’m basically screwed.

I subscribe to Capay Farm’s Farm Fresh to You CSA and I write a blog about my CSA adventures (I’ve tried out three different CSAs so far), so a lot of my meals are built around what comes in my CSA box.

Friday, June 4
I’m on this huge breakfast burrito kick, which is basically saving my life because for a while I just could not figure out vegan, gluten-free (GF) breakfast. I use La Tortilla Factory GF teff wraps, and I brown them in a cast-iron pan so they’re all crispy outside like Cancun burritos. Today my burrito had refried beans, a scoop of leftover rice bowl made with black rice and dandelion greens, salsa, half an avocado, and a little Daiya cheddar, which I’m not sure yet if I like or not.

For dinner tonight I had leftover sweet potato and black bean enchiladas with roasted green chile sauce, recipe courtesy of one of the most fantastic GF, mostly vegan blogs ever, Gluten-Free Goddess. I make them with a little stripe of soy cream cheese down the center of each enchilada, and they are incredible.

Saturday, June 5
Breakfast was soft polenta made in the rice cooker, my favorite no-stress, lazy-ass way to make polenta. I added half a mashed avocado, salt, pepper, and a big squeeze of lemon juice. I’ve been eating a ton of avocados lately. I think I’m going to cry when avocado season ends.

Leftovers for lunch. In an attempt to streamline my cooking process, which can

sometimes take hours for a single multi-course weeknight meal, I’ve been trying out a new cookbook from the library this week, Vegan Express by Nava Atlas. So lunch was her aloo ghobi with cauliflower and Klamath Pearl potatoes, both from my CSA, and creamy chickpea curry (the creamy is from coconut milk) from another blog I like, Beyond Rice and Tofu. There wasn’t much left of the leftovers, so I also noshed on a chai Bumble Bar to fill in the gaps.

Sunday, June 6
Dinner was another Vegan Express recipe, pasta carbonara with tempeh bacon and baby broccoli from my CSA box. I used Tinkyada brown rice pasta, which is so delicious I actually like it better than wheat pasta. And I made salad, red leaf CSA lettuce with toasted pumpkin and sunflower seeds.

Monday, June 7
Leftover pasta carbonara for breakfast. I love leftovers for breakfast. Unfortunately these leftovers put me into a carb coma (I don’t eat pasta very often), so I had to take a nap. A nap! After breakfast!

Amy’s Rice Bowl (brown rice, broccoli, and black-eyed peas) for dinner, topped with a ton of homemade kimchee. I love Amy’s; vegan, gluten-free, under $5 (way under, with a Rainbow coupon), and healthy-tasting. Awesome! The only drawback is I don’t have a microwave so it takes nearly an hour in the toaster oven.

Tuesday, June 8

I tried another new Vegan Express recipe for lunch, with many modifications. I ended up with a delicious concoction of quinoa, bok choy from my CSA, edamame, toasted cashews, and mandarin oranges.

Won the lottery for rush tickets to Wicked tonight! We tried to go to Golden Era for dinner, but of course they’re closed on Tuesday. (I actually knew that, I just didn’t know today was Tuesday. Go, me!) So we went to Pakwan instead and split saag aloo and baingan bharta. Rice for me, naan for the boy.

Thursday, June 10
I had a hectic morning so I threw an Amy’s in the toaster oven, this time Mattar Tofu with peas and dal and rice and stuff. I always sprinkle a bunch of mustard seeds on top of the Indian Amy’s because I’m total a mustard seed-addict.

Tuesday’s quinoa-and-bok-choy concoction is like one of those neverending cornucopias in fairy tales, constantly refilling itself with a new supply. I attempted to make a dent by having a hearty portion for dinner along with more of my beet greens and tofu from earlier. I also made more fudge brownies, but did my best to give them all away because I’m not really eating sugar right now. I do love to bake, though, so I try to surround myself with people who love sweets and then stuff them full of homemade treats for my own pleasure. It makes me feel a little like the witch in “Hansel and Gretel,” but I prefer to think I’m spreading joy. Who doesn’t love brownies?

Would you like to be featured on Vegansaurus? Of course you would! So submit your Vegansaurus Diet already!