vegansaurus!

Our boyfriend Philapotamus is over at Grist talking about how the meat industry turned abuse into a business model. It’s a pretty solid piece and a quick read so why don’t you go over there and tell him what a good job he did and also, remind him to buy almond milk on his way home and oh yeah, to give up being a hypocrite and STOP EATING DEAD ANIMALS. And then apologize for our outburst thusly:

“We kid, honey, you’re doing a great job, we love how vocal you are against big meat ag almost as much as we love your jaunty cap. But we think that deep down you know that the fastest way to stop abusing animals is to stop eating them.”

J/K that’ll never happen, but we know some people are gonna eat meat and so there has to be better ways to get them the dead animal flesh they need so badly and we support any opponent of the factory farm system and please forgive a lady for whining, but ugh VEGANISM IS DELICIOUS and FUN and WE’RE ALL SEXY AND NAKED OVER HERE. Just stop eating meat! Just stop! It’s not that hard! And it feels awesome to know you’re not giving those assholes a red cent! And you’re not taking a life just for your own momentary pleasure! I mean, it’s perverse! KNOCK IT OFF! 

Sorry, I’m all jet-lagged and have no patience for people who eat dead animals right now. I just don’t. I used to love meat more than I loved having the use of my legs and I stopped. Seriously, I stole a chicken leg from a dog’s mouth once and I ate that thing. I was five but does that excuse the fact that I ATE A CHICKEN LEG THAT HAD BEEN IN A DOG’S MOUTH and then I used the cartilage as chewing gum. I’m just trying to make you understand the level of devotion I had to meat times in meat town. I was the mayor and president! Point is: If I can do it, so can you! Seriously, no matter how much you think you love meat and can’t live without it, you can. And it feels awesome, I promise. Well, I can’t promise, you might just be a straight sociopath. If that’s the case, email me because I need some favors.

NOW BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED, LESS WHINY PROGRAMMING AND I NEED TO TAKE SOME THERAFLU AND GO BACK TO BED I LOVE YOU ALL USA USA USA! 

That’s right, homies! I will be spinning a short set at Vegan Drinks tonight. Who’s coming? Say hi to me!

Deets:

Thursday, June 30, 2011. 7 to 10 p.m.
21+. At Angels & Kings, 500 East 11th St. (between A & B) [map]
$1 off draft beers and well drinks

A portion of the proceeds this week go to Darwin Animal Doctors! Yay! Never heard of it!

Don’t forget: It’s also SF Vegan Drinks tonight! And probably lots of other vegan drinks, too! So go get your drink on! DRINKS!

Wow, raw vegan cake! Just in time for my roommate Ivory’s birthday! You may know Ivory as the woman from the “vegan myths debunked” video. This cake takes minutes to make and can be enjoyed on any occasion! Feature in this photo is a member of the Spinto Band, Thomas, who enjoyed the cake! He is currently recording with vegan Jonathan Mann, also of “vegan myths debunked” fame. Yay vegans. Yay raw vegan cake!

Ingredients
1/4 cup chia seeds
Sea salt
2 Tbsp. raw cacao powder
8 to 10 dates
2/3 cup raspberries
1 cup walnuts
Stevia to taste
Water

Instructions
Blend walnuts with Stevia in a food processor or high-powered blender. Mold into a pie dish or pan. Blend chia, water, dates, cacao, salt. More chia will make more of a pudding texture. Add to top of walnut crust. Place raspberries on top. Keep in fridge until ready to enjoy!

This is Vegansaurus raw correspondent Sarah E. Brown’s latest post! Read more by Sarah on Vegansaurus, and visit her personal blog, Queer Vegan Food. Thanks, Sarah!

Are you watching as much reality T.V. as I am? I’m watching more trashy television than I ever have. Before you get worried, it is important to realize that I am categorically NOT watching anything that involves the Kardashians. That is strictly Allen territory. Allen and Ernie territory, actually. For anyone not familiar (which would be everyone), Ernie is what my father likes to call himself. He would also like you to call him that. At my last birthday party one of my friends mistakenly referred to him as Mr. Shrayber and my dad looked at her like she was crazy before loudly exclaiming “Who the hell is Mr.Shrayber, man? My name is Ernie!” in his thick Russian accent. My dad is hardcore. And he loves the Kardashians. And talking about the Kardashians with Allen. Which is good, because I was always worried that my father and my boyfriend would have nothing to talk about before Kim Kardashian’s sex tape came along.

Speaking of reality T.V., who else is enjoying the hours of cringe-worthy entertainment of Platinum Hit and The Glee Project? Honestly, I don’t even know how this Glee monstrosity is a thing; it should be a crime to put teenage drama club members on television. There is just so much crying and overacting and “feeling vulnerable” that I don’t know how the camera people are not constantly dropping their equipment to throw up. That’s got to be a liability lawsuit right there, and the worst part is that it would probably just give these teenspians (I just made that up! It is a combination of “teen” and “thespian”! Now I am going to write a book, just like Teresa Guidice!) more fodder. One insufferable young monster named Lindsey (aren’t they always?) would be all, “When Rodney dropped his camera and upchucked into the bushes, I knew that I was doing something right. He was obviously touched by my heart-wrenching and vulnerable performance of Katy Perry’s “California Gurls.” She is probably going to win.

There is a better class of reality shows out there, but you’re not going to find them on television. For instance, I am certain that not even Logo (which runs basically anything, if you’ve seen The A-List or Setup Squad) would air this delightful tutorial on how to give an opossum a pedicure, even though it is probably one of the most entertaining things you will ever see. The video features jokes (“I said hoary!”), admonitions to never put false fingernails on an opossum, and best of all, five minutes with Pearl, the creator of the video, whose backstory claims that she was raised by squirrels. After watching this entire thing, I am not sure it isn’t true. I am also not entirely sure that this isn’t just Mary Steenburgen playing an elaborate prank on all of us (favorite actress ever) but who cares? The “Opossum Pedicure Song” makes life worth living!

On a side note, I have no idea how this woman makes it so that the opossum lets her paint its nails. I used to have to give my rabbit a pedicure and let me tell you, that was an ordeal. I would have to first trick Ms. Cleo onto a towel or blanket, and then swaddle her in it as quickly as possible in order to disarm her and make sure she did not take huge chunks out of me with her claws and teeth—once she scratched the inside of my arm and it totally looked like I had tried to slit my wrists; I had a lot of explaining to do when Allen got home—before pulling out a paw to check for overgrown nails. And even then there was like a 75 percent chance I’d get scratched in the face. I was barely able to cut her nails, let alone file and paint them. How does she do it?

In case you don’t believe that animals can be incredibly evil, I introduce you to Animals Being Dicks, a compendium of .gifs that exhibit our furred and feathered friends at their very crankiest and most evil. I particularly like the video of the dog projectile-defecating on the woman who has just lifted his tail. Yes, very disgusting, and it teaches us an important lesson: one should not go around inspecting the private areas of another loving being without due cause. This I learned in preschool as I ran screaming from my friend Luyba as she lifted up her shirt to show me what she had under there while we were behind her house. I ran all the way home and told my mother, who forbade me from ever playing with Luyba again. Which was good, because besides wanting to show me things I had no interest in seeing, she was also incredibly mean, always finding ways to get me in trouble. Moral of story: private parts are private. That’s all for this week. Please send me links for next week and have a non-volatile Wednesday!

[opossum photo by forever souls and rabbit photo by stirwise via Flickr]

New York City is set to kill a bunch of geese, again. This year, however, instead of gassing them and throwing their bodies in a landfill, NYC made a deal with a Pennsylvania slaughterhouse to truck the geese there, where they’ll be killed, processed, and sent to Pennsylvania food banks.

According to the New York Times, “much of the outcry” came from not anger at killing the geese last year, but that “literally tons of tasty, high-protein free-range meat (an adult goose can weigh 25 pounds) [was left] to rot in garbage heaps.” Yeah! I remember, um, none of that. Maybe it’s true, though—maybe In Defense of Animals is super-angry because the goose meat was wasted. It’s definitely not because geese that have lived in human-populated areas are unfit for human consumption, full of “PCBs, pesticides, and heavy metals.” And the geese chilling in Prospect Park right now because they are molting and therefore “temporarily unable to fly” are definitely huge threats to airplanes.

Delicious, dangerous geese: destroy and devour! What choice does New York have? Obviously none, or else this wouldn’t be happening. Right?

[photo by TexasEagle on Flickr]

First came dog-fur knitting; now this:

A San Francisco Etsy seller name Flora Davis is making kind-of-awesome jewelry from the fur she combs off her cat, Gaia (pictured above). According to Wired,

“Davis has spent a while perfecting the technique of making perfect fur spheres. She starts by taking a small handful of fluff, which she molds into a starter ball. To this she adds more fluff around the edges and then rolls it between her palms quickly until the strands of hair start to felt into tight, solid ball forms. She then stashes the balls until there are enough to make a necklace—which can take between two and three months.”

I’m going to go ahead and declare this vegan-acceptable to me, since the kitty probably adores the grooming and needs to be groomed anyway.

Here’s one of the necklaces:

Would you ever buy this? Could you wear it around people with allergies? Is it creative reuse or just crazy-cat-lady insane? Discuss.

[photos by Flora Davis via Etsy]

Our own Erin Red is starting a vegan podcast, Red Radio! From the girl herself:

From an outspoken and realistic standpoint, I plan to address a number of topics ranging from Veganism 101, to animal rights and abolition, to health and fitness, to environmentalism, to cooking, baking, and more. I will have guests from the activist community along with music, television and film personalities on the show, record on location at vegan hotspots, interview vegan ‘celebrities’ and include real stories with vegans of all walks of life. My goals are to educate, entertain, and enforce. To wake people up. And have an unreasonably good time doing so.

Check out her Kickstarter page for more information, links, and of rewards for your generosity - from Twitter shout outs to delicious french fries to muay Thai classes, she’s got you covered.

Kelp noodles are a fabulous thing; they soak up all the sauces you put on them, are low density, and taste awesome. Enjoy this cheese-like flavor combination of spirulina and olive oil: It’s an algae party in your mouth and tummy! My friend is a Spirulina Junkie living in Arizona. In order to feel less like I miss her, I make tons of spirulina kelp pasta. This recipe is a great way to get into the stuff—if you close your eyes, it tastes like mac ‘n cheese!

Ingredients
Spirulina
Kelp noodles
Raw wakame (optional)
Extra virgin olive oil
Sea salt or Braggs liquid aminos

Instructions
Soak kelp noodles and wakame in water. Rinse. Add other ingredients. Prepare to enjoy and cover your pucker in green! Yum.

This is Vegansaurus raw correspondent Sarah E. Brown’s latest post! Read more by Sarah on Vegansaurus, and visit her personal blog, Queer Vegan Food. Thanks, Sarah!

A new study from the University of Kent’s School of Anthropology and Conservation is saying zoo environments may cause behavior indicative of mental illness in chimpanzees. That’s kind of a lot of run around, I know, but they really aren’t pulling any punches:

Some abnormal behaviours persist despite interventions to ‘naturalise’ the captive conditions and we suggest that captivity itself may be fundamental as a causal factor in the presence of persistent, low-level, abnormal behaviour (and potentially more extreme levels in some individuals). The cognitive and behavioural challenges in captivity are fewer than in the wild—stressful and dangerous place that it may be—and many normal behaviours and normal development are precluded. While extreme levels of abnormal behaviour may be explicable by individuals’ particular histories, the pattern of low-level, pervasive abnormal behaviour shown by this study suggests that chimpanzee minds struggle to cope with conditions of captivity, despite the best efforts of those charged with their care.

So they are like, captivity could be fundamentally damaging no matter how great the zoo is. Well, that’s a development. Even if we pretend the majority of zoos aren’t total crap-holes, they are saying captivity itself is bad. That’s major. The study mentions lots of things zoos do to try and enrich the lives of their chimpanzees, like mix up their meal schedule and make them pretend-gather their food (yawn), but it doesn’t matter. The chimps are going stir-crazy.

They* are always bragging about how much longer animals live in captivity than the wild and it’s like, yeah they live extra-long crappy lives—it’s like The Matrix! They are safe but they aren’t alive!

Next time someone tries to tell you how captivity is not so bad and that some zoo is treating its chimps so well, you tell them, “It doesn’t matter, bucko!** Zoos are total bullshit!” Now, let’s get these animals to sanctuaries and stop taking new ones from the wild. Free the chimps!

*You know how they are.
**People like when you call them bucko. I know this, I was an anthropology major.

[Picture by Joel Sartore/National Geographic Stock]

Look what I happened upon: A Dash of Compassion is hosting a raw ice cream sandwich recipe challenge! So fun. It’s just for June but you still have a few days to get down with some ice cream and cookies and bust out some genius! And guess what, there’s totally prizes! And what do we live for if not for prizes. From the blog:

• First Place winner will receive a Cacao Kapow Kit, which includes: a make-your-own chocolate superfoods kits, a 4 oz. bag of sweet cacao nibs, a cacao lip balm, and an 8 oz. bag of raw, organic cacao powder from Navitas Naturals.
• Second Place winner will receive a copy of Sweetly Raw’s brand new ice cream e-book that will be released this month.
• Third Place winner will receive a special goodie bag of raw treats.

Awesome! Is anyone going to enter? Has anyone already entered? Put your link in the comments so we can see!

[photos from A Dash of Compassion]

Look what I happened upon: A Dash of Compassion is hosting a raw ice cream sandwich recipe challenge! So fun. It’s just for June but you still have a few days to get down with some ice cream and cookies and bust out some genius! And guess what, there’s totally prizes! And what do we live for if not for prizes. From the blog:

• First Place winner will receive a Cacao Kapow Kit, which includes: a make-your-own chocolate superfoods kits, a 4 oz. bag of sweet cacao nibs, a cacao lip balm, and an 8 oz. bag of raw, organic cacao powder from Navitas Naturals.
• Second Place winner will receive a copy of Sweetly Raw’s brand new ice cream e-book that will be released this month.
• Third Place winner will receive a special goodie bag of raw treats.

Awesome! Is anyone going to enter? Has anyone already entered? Put your link in the comments so we can see!

[photos from A Dash of Compassion]

Look what I happened upon: A Dash of Compassion is hosting a raw ice cream sandwich recipe challenge! So fun. It’s just for June but you still have a few days to get down with some ice cream and cookies and bust out some genius! And guess what, there’s totally prizes! And what do we live for if not for prizes. From the blog:

• First Place winner will receive a Cacao Kapow Kit, which includes: a make-your-own chocolate superfoods kits, a 4 oz. bag of sweet cacao nibs, a cacao lip balm, and an 8 oz. bag of raw, organic cacao powder from Navitas Naturals.
• Second Place winner will receive a copy of Sweetly Raw’s brand new ice cream e-book that will be released this month.
• Third Place winner will receive a special goodie bag of raw treats.

Awesome! Is anyone going to enter? Has anyone already entered? Put your link in the comments so we can see!

[photos from A Dash of Compassion]

Look what I happened upon: A Dash of Compassion is hosting a raw ice cream sandwich recipe challenge! So fun. It’s just for June but you still have a few days to get down with some ice cream and cookies and bust out some genius! And guess what, there’s totally prizes! And what do we live for if not for prizes. From the blog:

• First Place winner will receive a Cacao Kapow Kit, which includes: a make-your-own chocolate superfoods kits, a 4 oz. bag of sweet cacao nibs, a cacao lip balm, and an 8 oz. bag of raw, organic cacao powder from Navitas Naturals.
• Second Place winner will receive a copy of Sweetly Raw’s brand new ice cream e-book that will be released this month.
• Third Place winner will receive a special goodie bag of raw treats.

Awesome! Is anyone going to enter? Has anyone already entered? Put your link in the comments so we can see!

[photos from A Dash of Compassion]