vegansaurus!

Guess what, everybody! We have a very special guest post today! It’s from MY DAD! My dad is a theater nut. Like, big time. He goes to plays constantly and he was so excited when he heard this weird Sophocles marathon he was going to was going to be serving vegan food. Not because he’s vegan, but because he’s a big Vegansaurus fan! He was happy to share his experience with all of us:

Dear Megan:

I have a tip on a fun thing to do for your NYC-area Vegansaurus fans. The Flea Theater, an off-off-Broadway venue in the Tribeca neighborhood, is running a marathon theater event entitled THESE SEVEN SICKNESSES. It’s an extremely interesting and exciting adaptation of the seven surviving plays by Sophocles. Each play is cut to about a half hour. All the gory action that takes place off-stage in a classically presented Greek play is put right back in full view. The chorus consists of a group of nurses who spend a lot of time mopping up blood. They do quite a bit of singing, but no long chanted passages. Also, no gods; it’s all intense human interaction. All 38 parts are played by The Flea’s resident acting company, The Bats, who are uniformly wonderful. In fact, wonderful is really the word for the whole evening.

The angle for Vegansaurus followers is that the ticket price includes a vegan, gluten-free dinner prepared by the Macao Trading Co. and served by the cast after the first three plays. The night I went, the main course was a very good eggplant curry served over jasmine rice, accompanied by excellent vegetable spring rolls served with mustard (they were small - I had eight!). They served green tea and water, with wine and beer available for purchase. After two more plays, there was another break for dessert: mini-cupcakes - vegetarian, but not vegan, so true Vegansaurs may want to bring their own dessert. The Bats clearly love interacting with the audience, by the way, chatting us up at every opportunity. Overall, the evening - seven plays, dinner and dessert - clocks it at about five hours - actually a little less the night I went.

These Seven Sicknesses will be running through Sunday, March 4th. Here’s the link for tickets and more information: http://www.theflea.org

Love, Dad

Thanks, daddy! This does sound fun! Corny on the cupcakes though. You KNOW vegans make some good cupcakes! Maybe we can hook them up with Babycakes. Then I would definitely go. I should go anyway to see if their ANTIGONE is as good as my 8th grade class production of it. I was Tiresias! See? I’ve always been psychic. But really, who makes 8th graders do ANTIGONE? The unavoidable doom of destiny kind of underminds the need to study algebra. 

Let’s play a game. It’s called, “What’s wrong with this PETA ad?” Except it isn’t fun and everyone goes home a loser, even though the list of its faults is practically endless.

[Can’t see the video? Watch it on Vegansaurus!]

I live a life filled with questions, PETA. Your ad created several more. Here are some of them:

1. Who created this ad? If they knew anything about making ads, they would know that “BWVAKTBOOM” is not easy for the viewer to memorize over the course of your 30-second spot, and attaching “.com” to the end does not magically make it Google-able. Go back to ADV101.

2. Why does the woman in the ad have a neck brace? I mean, she looks sickly enough already. The whole commercial makes her look like a victim of domestic violence, and that does not seem to be the message PETA purports to spread.

3. Why is the woman in the ad NOT WEARING PANTS? I find this less “effective shock tactic” and more “what the fuck.” The message could have been conveyed with pants on. And this is coming from someone who supports fewer pants for all.

4. When will you give the vegans-are-sexy thing a rest? Everyone but EVERYONE is sick of it. There’s more to veganism than a smaller waist and increased boning. Going vegan certainly didn’t make my tits grow, know what I’m sayin’?

5. Why would anyone go vegan after watching this ad? “Why, I never knew I could HURT MY SIG-OTH like that! Brilliant! I’ll go vegan!” I know it’s SUPPOSED to be funny, but it’s just not.

6. If beating one’s poor partner’s orifices to shit is why someone goes vegan, what is going to make him or her STAY vegan?

7. Why is the girlfriend not also vegan?

So many questions. What questions do YOU have??

Rachel found this AWESOME picture that kicks off our gallery (because Rachel is AWESOME) and it inspired me to make a Guilty-Ass Cats collection! I’m trying to be like Buzzfeed but I don’t know if I can pull it off. Let’s see! Enjoy! 

1. “Ok, now who did this?” kitty

{From @JoelRama via @VeganMainstream]

2. Ashamed kitty

[From Sanitaryum]

3. “…nothing.” kitty

[From Cutestlife]

4. “It’s perfectly natural!” kitty

[From Dailypicksandflicks]

5. Denial kitty

[From Lovemeow]

6. Puppy-eyes kitty

[From Furrytalk]

7. Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold* kitty

[From Furrytalk]

8. Then of course there’s the infamous guilty cat video:

Ok now what have we learned?: That cats are hilar and I am not Buzzfeed!

*Broke out the William Carlos Williams on you! I’m just keeping you on your toes!

Huzzah! The people have spoken! Atlantic City will not be bringing the diving horse show this summer! Happy day! Sometimes things do work out.

Steel Pier owner Tony Catanoso had this to say: “We just felt that since Atlantic City is moving forward, we should move forward with it…. We should create new memories for visitors instead of recreating old ones.”

Yay! What should the new attraction be instead? I’m thinking giant ball pit! Like GIANT. Like Olympic-size swimming pool. OR, the world’s biggest moon bounce! That you can go on even if you are a grown-up! I love moon bounces, but they never let me in them any more. Sad face. 

This is Malachy, the pekingese that won Best in Show at the 2012 Westminster Dog Show. Anytime a breed wins Westminster, there is a surge in popularity. This can lead to a surge in puppymills producing that breed. This sucks. 

What many people forget is that 25 percent of dogs in shelters are purebred. Do you know someone who just HAS to have a pekingese now? Tell them they can adopt one! Look for breed-specific rescues, or just check Petfinder and search for pekes! You’ll find great dogs, like Cody here:

Cody is the hotness. 

I don’t think we need to tell someone not to focus on what breed of dog to get. Instead, tell them that whatever breed they are looking for, they can find up for adoption! I mean all dogs are different, but if they have their heart set on a particular breed, just focus on adoption. It’s great if someone wants to rescue the millions of pitbulls that need homes, but if the breed is the deal-breaker, I’d rather they rescue a homeless peke than buy one!

You guys, by the time you read this I will have ruined Valentine’s day. Yes, you read that right, Allen will have suffered on that holy day of love just as much as he suffers living with me every other day of the year. And this time I didn’t even mean to make it horrible! Damn you cold and flu season!

Around Thursday of last week I started suffering from the plague. I don’t know if you guys have ever had plague but it is pretty bad. Pustules and vomit everywhere, sweat upon brows, demonic screaming. And worse than the symptoms is Allen’s reaction. Instead of putting on some crazy plague-doctor outfit and trying to heal me he makes me a glass of lemon juice and tells me to take some Theraflu and stop telling people that I am dying because I will be disappointed when I actually do die and no one believes it. I asked him once how I would know if about that if I were already dead, but he just shook his head and told me to be quiet because the commercial break was over and The Simpsons was on. Real nice, buddy.

Since I am home alone I thought I would cheer you up with some things that will make you go aw and vomit rainbows. Then we could be twins, except I’m not vomiting rainbows, I’m vomiting the Boca Burgers that I ate for breakfast. I was also going to spend this time teaching myself how to play “video games” on my Omnichord but Allen has informed me he does not like that song. Allen ruins everything!

Here’s a kid who doesn’t ruin anything. Sophia is just chilling at the zoo when she sparks a personal connection with a lion. This is one of those “I don’t know if it’s adorable” moments because she is at a zoo, but she also seems to be communicating with the lion on a deep level, understanding his frustration at being behind a glass wall for the amusement of humans. I was almost hoping that this would turn into one of those Harry Potter moments and Sophia would somehow allow the lion out using only her mind and magical powers. I wish I had magical powers. If I had magical powers I wouldn’t be sick and also bored.

Let’s drop Sophia for a second, because I want to whine. You know what the worst part of being sick is? It’s your belief that you’re just going to chill at home and have a good time, but then you’re miserable and bored and nothing good is on TV and you don’t want to do any of your hobbies and you’re all alone an afraid that people think you’re faking. Fuck the flu.

You can’t trust anyone these days, not even animals. I know this video is meant to be a joke, but I fully believe that out companion animals can drive people away. When I was first dating Allen he almost broke up with me because Ms. Cleo hated him. She would be all nice with me, and then when I handed her over to Allen, she would try to eat him (she is like half his size, she is such a big rabbit) and he would curse in Spanish and ask if we could go to a room that was less dangerous. Now that Ms. Cleo lives with us, she and Allen are more friendly toward each other, but I would not put it past her to barrel out of her cage at some point, murder him, forge an intricate suicide note, and hide the body. All because she wants attention, not because she likes me.

Finally, if you’ve always wanted a beautiful piece of taxidermy on your life but could not resolve your interests in animal heads and your cruelty-free tendencies, I give you crochetdermy by artist Shauna Richardson. So cool, right? No animals are harmed and the pieces are beautiful. I feel that it’s kind of like fake meat. We have fake venison and fake squid and fake beef, so what is the innate harm in a fake animal mounted on one’s wall? Perhaps it is even a good anti-hunting conversation piece!

That’s all for this week. Send me links for next week, and have a safe Wednesday out there!

[Crochetdermy hare and baboons by Shauna Richardson. Plague doctor illustration from jaggitha via Flickr]

It’s Paul Shapiro’s Animal News You Can Use! Yay!

I’m honored to be on CNN Headline News this weekend with the great Jane Velez-Mitchell discussing progress for pigs and HSUS’s latest undercover investigations into gestation crate factory farms. Check it out.

In a new piece about HSUS, the editor of Pork Magazine calls us “well organized, well funded and relentless.” Always nice to be able to agree on something…

NPR did a nice piece on Morning Edition this past Friday about the federal effort to ban barren battery cages and require “eggs from caged hens” labeling on egg cartons. While we’re on the topic of NPR, Marketplace had a great piece by the awesome Mark Bittman about why Americans are eating fewer animals.

Want to read a new interview with Wayne Pacelle about his campus dining hall advocacy when he was in college? Your wish = my command.

But wait, there’s more!

Compassion Over Killing this morning released a new undercover investigation at a gestation crate factory farm in Iowa, a state where big ag interests are currently trying to ban such exposés with an “ag-gag” bill. Check it out and share.

The media coverage on our announcement that McDonald’s is moving to end gestation crate confinement in its US supply chain was significant. There’s too much to include here, but just a few selected excerpts:

CNN Money: “McDonald’s said it will get its pork suppliers to phase out the use of immobilizing cages for pregnant pigs, a move that was applauded by the Humane Society of the United States, but not the pork industry.”

MSNBC: “Earthquake in the pig business: McDonald’s to end use of restraining crates”

NY Times: “The buying power of McDonald’s adds a significant new dimension to the war on the practice.”

Chicago Sun-Times editorial board: “Now let’s ban those torture pens for pigs in Illinois.”

NY Times blog: “In the world of big-time meat supply, there are two kinds of producers: those who sell to McDonald’s and those wish they could.”

Chicago Tribune: “By setting the process in motion, McDonald’s could be providing the tipping point to change in the $97 billion pork industry.”

Lincoln Journal Star: “In calling for phasing out gestation crates for pregnant hogs, the world’s largest restaurant chain will put much more pressure on pork producers than any state ever could.”

Video of the week: I’ve been shocked by how many people actually cared to watch my winning contribution to a Super Bowl party food contest, but here you go:

[Can’t see the video? Watch it on Vegansaurus.com!]

Sorry I didn’t get this out earlier! I don’t know what time it’s happening, but here’s the info from Best Friends:

The New York State Assembly Agriculture Committee will be voting on Bill A 5449 on Wednesday, Feb 15. Last year,Best Friends expressed our concerns about this bill, and presented recommended changes to Assemblywoman Paulin that would address serious problems in this legislation. These suggestions were not incorporated into the current version of A 5449. We have resubmitted these recommended changes and need your help to insure that they are included. Without the suggested changes, A 5449 would:

• Allow for the euthanizing of a frightened or panicked animal on the basis of “psychological pain,” which is too vague and subjective to be meaningful criteria for euthanasia.
• Allow animals to be euthanized for unspecified and undiagnosed “deadly and contagious” diseases.
• Not clearly define the requirements for a rescue organization to be maintained on a shelter’s registry of approved rescue organizations, which opens the door for arbitrary requirements subject to change without notice.
• Allow shelters to remove rescues from their registry of approved groups if a group is publicly critical of the shelter or staff, regardless of the merit of such criticism.
• Remove all protection for an animal that is surrendered to a shelter with an owner request that the animal be euthanized even if the animal is healthy and could be placed in a new adoptive home or with a rescue group.
• Not require shelters to include rescue organizations located in adjoining counties in New York state on the shelter’s registry of qualified rescue organizations.

The recommended changes offered by Best Friends to Assemblywoman Paulin would close the holes in the safety net that this bill should be providing. Please urge Committee Chair Magee and fellow members of the Assembly Agriculture Committee to vote NO on Bill A 5449 unless these changes are all incorporated. The welfare of shelter animals in New York depends on your action.

That sounds pretty out of control. My timid Figaro would have definitely not made it to me with those rules in place. You can go to this link to enter your ZIP code and find out who to contact.

Intermix is a fancypants line of boutique that carries fancypants fashions, including clothing with fur. Grody. Jessica Schlueter and Amy Rebecca of Fur Free Los Angeles are coordinating a campaign to get Intermix to stop carrying fur.

These ladies are talented! They’ve already run three successful campaigns to get Planet Blue, Urban Outfitters, and LF Stores to stop selling fur, which is amazing. So far, their petition at Change.org has over 33,000 signatures, but Intermix is still totally ignoring them. Moreover, it’s New York Fashion Week, when buyers decide on the clothing their stores will carry in the coming fall/winter season. Intermix needs to commit to stop selling fur ASAP.

You can help by (duh) signing the petition. If Intermix considers how many customers the company will lose by continuing to sell fur clothing — as opposed to the massive amount of goodwill dropping fur inspires — maybe this fall/winter season at Intermix stores will look a lot more animal-friendly.

So come on already, sign the petition! And nag all your friends and relations and colleagues and acquaintances to sign it, too! Fur really is the goddamn worst.

For more information, read this Change.org article on the Intermix campaign, check out the campaign on Facebook, or visit the Fur Free LA website.