Ubuntu revisited  »

I loved Ubuntu. Despite its ridiculous name and the fact that it’s also a YOGA STUDIO, it was one of my favorite restaurants. If I’m not making fun of a restaurant for also being a YOGA STUDIO then I’m either A) dead or B) eating at Ubuntu. I loved, loved, loved it. I was so psyched about this Yogaraunt that I’d take diehard omnis to show them how great “vegetable cuisine” is. And uh, I did just that on Saturday night. What a fucking disappointment. You better hide your kids, hide your wife, and hide your husband cause Ubuntu is raping everybody out here!

First off, the entire menu has changed. Gone are the chickpea fries, the pizzas, the amazing signature salads. They’ve been replaced with a dry salad (seriously, no dressing), $17 plates of four small potatoes covered in cucumber ash (see pic above: those aren’t giant turds, they’re a signature dish at New Ubuntu), and a soup that was basically vinegar poured over three melon balls (just like when Yoko Ono orders a single plum floating in perfume served in a man’s hat on The Simpsons! But less funny because THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING). It’s like the whole restaurant has gone anorexic on us. I am not even playing, it was straight fucked. I was so embarrassed. The omnis were like WTF IS THIS VEGAN GARBAGE and I was like WTF IS THIS VEGAN GARBAGE and the whole scene was just humiliating. I get it, Jeremy Fox has left for meatier pastures and the new chef wants to make the menu his own and I’m ALL for that, but why take away heartier fare and replace it with less food for more money? I’m sorry, when I’m paying $50 a person (without wine!) to eat at your restaurant, I don’t want the most filling item to be the free bread. We ate so much bread that they had to dedicate an oven to baking exclusively for my table. AND WE WERE STILL HUNGRY. Honestly, I wanted to head down the street to Billco’s Billiards & Darts for some french fries and a veggie dog.

I am all for new chefs and new visions, and I’d be fine with an entirely new menu that doesn’t have my favorite strawberry pizza or my beloved cucumber watermelon basil soup but dammit, make the replacements stellar and hearty, or lower your prices. You can’t have it both ways because you’re gonna lose customers. After (constructively?) talking trash on Ubuntu to several groups of friends, I found out that they too had had shitty dining experiences there recently and felt equally bummed and pissed. I dunno, I am loathe to run my mouth on a vegetarian restaurant, but I had to say something because it’s festering inside of me, eating my food-loving soul, and no amount of namastes can help. Run an’ tell that, homeboy.

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