Dude, Good motherfucking Housekeeping is releasing a VEGAN COOKBOOK!?!?!!  »

I repeat, GOOD HOUSEKEEPING IS RELEASING A VEGAN COOKBOOK. Like, with vegan recipes in it. No, Dear Readers, your eyes do not deceive you and this ain’t no April Fools joke (we’re not that clever and it’s totally November GET A JOB SO YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT MONTH IT IS AGAIN*).

I don’t know, it’s either the apocalypse or pigs or flying or a baseball team from the Bay Area won The World Series or SOMETHING because that shit is carazay. Thanks, Little Old White Ladies of Good Housekeeping for bringing vegan food to the masses; really, we can’t thank you enough. Also, will you PLEASE have recipes for shit like vegan ambrosia salad and vegan Jell-O mold cakes and all that crazy shit you wacky broads love? Because I hella want to eat all of that. Please send us a review copy, please.

*Actually, fuck that, stay unemployed for as long as your hot freeloading ass can handle it. When I’m fired from everything, I will lay in bed all day long eating bon bons and watching Eastbound and Down (check out my Kenny Powers pumpkin!) and Boardwalk Empire and Law & Order: SVU (the grossest and most enGROSSing L&O) [Ed.: OMG girl Sons of Anarchy!] and every show ever until I die, the end.

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