Mastering the ‘pon: Morningstar Farms products!  »

The other day the Pathmark in Harlem had a sale on Morningstar products, two for $7. Now ladies, I can eat a Riblet, you know? So I went there and filled up my cart with 10 boxes of burgers, riblets and chicken strips (plenty of vegan options), put my coupons together and went to the register—I had 10 $2-for-one-box coupons LADIES THAT IS RIGHT. I purchased $35 of Morningstar Farms products, and with coupons saved $20, for a net cost of $15. Challah!

Now, I know you may not have the $2 coupons, but if you go to the Morningstar Farms website, and dig around, you may very well be able to get coupons for $1 off. Now here is how you save even more. Buy 10 boxes in one trip, i.e., on the same receipt. Use 10 of those coupons and don’t let anyone judge you. Seriously; F all of them. Then, print out this form: by following the directions you can get an additional $10 back AND THAT IS HOW IT IS DONE. YOU READ CORRECTLY. I GOT 10 BOXES OF MORNINGSTAR FARMS STUFF FOR $5. In NYC, that is a savings of about, I dunno, $45? They are so friggin’ expensive here. I love those Riblets, I almost forget when I eat them that I have nothing to live for! OW!

These amazing tips come from our friend Annapurna, the hottest little penny-pinching miser we know. Revel in her mastering of the ‘pon, and then go out and conquer, vegans. Also, please to keep in mind that Morningstar Farms is now owned by Kellogg’s, a.k.a. the White Devil. Why white? I don’t know, but I bet there is nobody who isn’t white who works in an office-type setting at Kellogg’s. Except they might have their own Michael Steele. What I am saying is that Kellogg’s is basically the Klan, so it’s good to fuck them up the ass at every possible turn.

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