Behold: Mission Burger! »
No seriously, look at it. This is the vegan Mission Burger and it is your most delicious new best friend. This blog previously speculated this might be the case, but I am here to confirm it for you. IRL I am known as someone with a tendency to say “OMFG THIS IS THE BEST EVER” but ignore all that. What I am telling you is, this is the best burger I have ever had, of any kind. SRSLY.
First and foremost: this motherfucker is huge. I sat down with it literally three different times, and ate a satisfying amount each time. I didn’t even eat dinner, because lunch was so huge/amazing/satisfying. Also I prefer to drink myself to sleep.
Secondly, this burger isn’t exactly pretty in the traditional sense, but it is beautiful like a work of art. The patty is dark and richly colored, with variable textures (the fava/chickpea patty, the whole edamame beans and the leafy kale blend together in a surprisingly harmonious way.) Also you can’t taste any of those health foods because it is fried and covered in wasabi mayonnaise (made with seaweed not eggs! unlocking some science on your ass!). The springy light slaw is the perfect amount of acid, and the chili sauce is a pop of redness that reminds your whole body that the combination of hot oil and capsaicin is like a speedball for your cells. Woooooooo!!! Really, it’s just like that.
Lastly, this burger is $7. I don’t know about you but I am rocking a paycut in Depression 2.0 and I’m just out here trying to survive, you know? In addition to refusing to give up my adherence to prissy urbane dining trends. With the vegan Mission Burger, you can survive all day AND exploit the social capital associated with eating sloppy pretend-proletarian “street” food awkwardly on a stack of potato bags outside an Asian supermarket! Man, I am so hip.
Anyway, vegan Mission Burger. Buy me one. [Ed.: I already bought you one, hooker!]
This post was 100 percent Megan Allison. Yes, we love that ho.