Hello, Friends! it’s WTF Wednesday!   »

You guys, Allen and I bought a tv! This means we are together forever! Allen tried to inform me that the washer and dryer we’d purchased two years ago was a bigger deal but fuck clean clothes, I can finally use the Playstation 3 I bought him like 15 thousand years ago (for him! Not for me!) and play all of the awesome games I’ve been missing out on while Allen has been waffling on what kind of TV we were going to get. And we can truly test the limits of our relationship as Allen sees how incredibly angry I can get at a video game and also at anyone who tries to help me or suggests that if ‘very easy’ is too intense or difficulty for me then perhaps I should use the console as a Blu-ray and tv-watching machine and save some money.

Actually, Allen has been incredibly helpful in beating some of the games and on Saturday we accomplished the feat of completing God of War in a cooperative manner. Earlier that day, Allen and I had gotten locked out of our apartment and I had not been as cooperative in understanding how he could have left the house without keys as I was when he was unable to murder a horde of harpies the first time he tried. Allen sees this as a problem. I do not. Sometimes I feel Allen does not focus on the important things in life, like saving ancient Athens from burning and freeing yourself of the memories of all the people you’ve slaughtered along the way.

At least I’m not lonely, though. I mean Allen and I bicker constantly but it’s fun and playful and I wouldn’t be able to be a part of any relationship in which I couldn’t constantly threaten murder and evisceration upon my partner (Allen knows I am too lazy to actually follow through). We can’t say the same for Lonesome George, the giant rare tortoise who passed away earlier this month. He refused to be in any relationship! I respect that, but I wouldn’t be able to do it.  And it makes me feel kind of lonely just thinking about him and his lonesome death an the fact that he was the last tortoise of his kind and he was just going to take that with him. Actually, that part I kind of get, just set it all on fire when you go.

Just as Lonesome George was dying, though, three rare White Tiger cubs were born in the Ukraine (Hi Ukraine! Remember when I lived next to you?). That reminds me of this one time Laura and I were watching House and a woman collapsed in the first two minutes and I was all “Aneurysm!” because I had been playing a lot of Trauma Center and Laura was all “I bet she’s pregnant,” and she was! And then Laura predicted that the woman would have to die to give the baby life and she was correct then too, and then she spent ten minutes after the episode explaining the mysteries of life to me because I just didn’t understand. Which is exactly what this seems like.

Just so we’re not all depressed as we venture forth on this glorious hump-day (I am writing this in bed before I have to go to work!) here’s a video of a baby turtle (on theme!) eating the fuck out of a giant raspberry. This video really makes me want to go out and eat raspberries but only serves to remind me that the only thing I have to look forward to is a bowl of oatmeal after an hour of step aerobics.

That’s it for this week! Please send me links and PS3 recommendations for next week and have a harpy free Wednesday!

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