GoDaddy CEO makes lame excuses for murdering elephant  »

Bob Parsons is a real piece of shit, and now he’s a fucking liar, too. It’s just SO repulsive that he’s trying to spin this elephant murdering thing into a food access issue:

Unbelievable. From my calculations, the absolute BARE BONES MINIMUM you can spend on an elephant murdering murder tour of murder in Zimbabwe is $21,000. Do you know how many fucking hungry people you can feed with $21,000?! To give a comparison, Food fo Life Global can feed over 100 meals for $100. That’s 2.1 million meals for the price of his elephant-killing safari. (UPDATE: My numbers were wrong, they can do 100 meals for $30, so it’s actually 69,930 meals. That’s still insanely more than one dead elephant can provide.) (UPDATE 2: I just heard from Paul Turner, the international director of Food for Life Global, he says meals average 15 cents, so really that’s about 140,000 meals!) And that’s a low estimate that doesn’t include his plane ticket, taxes, fees, whatever the fuck else these rich murdering pieces of shit pay to murder legally.

He’s also saying that he’s helping thin the elephant herd so that they don’t infringe on the resources of locals. OMG WHAT LOLZ. There are much more humane ways to do this, from contraception to electric fences. In fact, murdering elephants might have the exact opposite effect, as other ellies race to procreate.

Let’s face it, the easy solution to help your desperately poor country is to invite bloated westerners in to murder your animals. It’s one of the few resources Zimbabwe has and so it makes sense that they use it, however I’m curious how much of that money actually trickles down to the majority of its people. If there was a better way to make money off elephants in Zimbabwe, they might explore it. Kinda like how gorilla organizations are making it more valuable to keep gorillas alive than dead. But you know, who is going to pay $21,000 for an elephant safari if it means that you don’t get to kill one? Probably nobody. After all, there are always elephants in zoos and circuses! My favorite excuse for why westerners need to come in and murder the elephants to save Zimbabweans is from British surgeon, Benjamin Chang.  “The army could have done the cull themselves but they don’t have the right guns. You can’t use an automatic rifle, that would just be cruel,” he said. WHAT A GOOD GUY.

These excuses are so fucking low. I would almost have more respect for Parsons (lie) if he were just honest about what the fuck he’s doing. He wanted the high of hunting and murdering an innocent animal. Don’t make excuses, Bob. You’re just the average piece of American shit going through a mid-life crisis and since you have way too much money, you do whatever the fuck you want. Thems the facts.

We’ve switched our domain registrar, and suggest you do the same. Namecheap has a deal going where they donate money to Save the Elephants (coupon code “BYEBYEGD”). Also, A Small Orange has at least one veggie person on staff (yay!), and promises to never go kill an elephant and are donating 33 percent of your domain purchase to ellies (coupon code “weloveelephants”). Both offers are good through the end of the day today, so do it to it.

Peace out, GoDaddy.

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