Review: Sugar Beat Sweets vegan bakery!  »

There was once a time I was so desperate for good-tasting vegan baked goods that I WOULD ORDER THEM FROM WASHINGTON, D.C. That is correct. I would pay around $60 to have some bear claws sent to me from Sticky Fingers Bakery in our nation’s capital. It was the worst of times.

But that was horrible then and this is wonderful now because now SF has its very own vegan bakery, Sugar Beat Sweets!  It’s a brand-new, all-vegan, woman-owned bakery that uses fair-trade, organic and local ingredients whenever possible. I’m telling you, if I had to lie through my teeth one more time about how most vegan goods are just as good as their butter- and dairy-filled counterparts, I would be forced to stick my head in an oven. To eat the cake that’s inside. I ain’t going nowhere, bitches! But also, I would continue to feel bad about lying, and cheated that there aren’t that many equally delicious dessert offerings for us vegans. HOWEVER, with the advent of Sugar Beat Sweets and its amazing cakes, cupcakes, cookies and more, I no longer have to lie! About vegan baked goods! I will continue to lie about everything else! The sweet, sweet baked goods from SBS are RIDICULOUS. My birthday cake this year came from SBS, and even my father—who prefers his food made with pig’s blood and baby tears—was blown away. He actually thought I was cheating at being vegan (that’s my favorite, like it’s some fad diet that I get to be “bad” about on the weekends or some shit. GOD I REALLY HATE THAT) and had ordered a non-vegan cake. I think he was more proud than the day I graduated college. When I told him it was vegan, he was visibly disappointed and drowned his sorrows in two more slices. I actually think that cake had some special powers because since then my dad has been less weird about my veganism (pronounced “vay-gun-ism”) and more weird about the fact that my life is going nowhere and I’m dead broke and will wind up dead in a gutter, half-eaten by wolves. Also, that would kinda rule because it would mean that San Francisco would be overrun by wolves and they are my people. I’m pretty sure we would be good friends before they ate me.

PLEASE TO NOTE: Sugar Beat Sweets doesn’t have a storefront (YET! BUY LOTS OF BAKED GOODS SO THAT I CAN CLIMB INSIDE THE PASTRY CASES!) so you have to custom-order through the website.

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