Contrary to popular belief, a parachuting dog is not adorable! »
Osama bin Laden’s dead, ding dong, la la la, everything is suddenly peaceful forever and ever. Or is it? Sadly, U.S. Navy Seals didn’t think they could accomplish this mission without “an elite dog team that can parachute or rappel into action at a moment’s notice.”
Wait, what? Dogs are smart, affectionate, and totally rad, and they hold all kinds of awesome jobs that are safe and still help humanity at large: guide dogs for the blind, seizure-alert dogs, even therapy dogs to visit the sick, elderly, and learning disabled! But just because a dog likes to hang out with people, chase a ball, and sniff the butts of other dogs doesn’t mean he or she wants to strap on a canine tactical assault vest and jump out of a plane to fight “turrists.”
Unlike helper dogs, these dogs are in huge danger all the time (bullets, bombs, shrapnel, the natural conclusions of a failed parachute) and don’t know what they’ve involuntarily signed up for! With $553 billion in spending projected this year for the Department of Defense, surely they could come up with alternative anti-bomb and enemy-seeking technology. Oh wait, they have? So this is just for fun, apparently.
My first thought upon reading this article was, “Parachuting dogs? How adorable!” But really, making them suffer from nightmares and stress for years after their tours of duty is exploitation. It’s a DOG DRAFT, except they can’t picket the White House, chant “hell no, we won’t go,” or burn their draft cards! Hey, military, do something useful with our tax dollars for a change.