vegansaurus!

10/28/2008

Review: Rudy’s Can’t Fail Cafe!  »

Fuck the waitress at Rudy’s Can’t Fail Cafe here for the following conversation:

My mother: Oh this is fun music, is it a Halloween tape?
Hooker Whore Waitress (ROLLS HER M’EFFIN’ EYES AND SAYS): Um, NO, this is The Cramps.
My MOTHER (MOTHER, PEOPLE! AS IN, THIS WOMAN BIRTHED ME, HAVE SOME FUCKING R-E-S-P-E-C-T, RESPECT!): Oh, well, it’s very Halloweeny!
Hooker Whore Waitress: Yeah, well, it’s The Cramps, NOT Halloween music.
Laura: LADY, I WILL MURDER YOU!!!

It’s like, my mother is clearly in her 200s and doesn’t know The Cramps from The Shins from the Elvis, SO FUCKING BE A LITTLE NICE. These ladies need to be sent to charm school or clown college or somewhere where they are fucking taught some g-d manners. In fact, bring me in to school these bitches, they’ll be delivering waffles on a cloud of pirouettes and curtsying after giving you coffee made of dreams and shit like that. I’m all class, people.

Other than that, decent vegan breakfast selections and any of the egg dishes can me made with tofu. They also offer Soyrizo and Morningstar vegetarian (fuck you, Morningstar) sausages. For lunch, you’ll have your normal choices of a few salads and the unexceptional Portobello Mushroom burger. Oh yeah, Boca burgers too. Woo. One exciting thing about the dinner menu is Buffalo Tofu but there isn’t a vegan ranch or anything so you’ll probably be left to dip it in oil & vinegar. Woo.

Rudy’s Can’t Fail Cafe, for all of its hipness, still isn’t totally down with the vegans. I never really look forward to eating here; nothing on the menu seems especially made to lure in the veggies. I don’t like that. For its location, atmosphere and its supposed anti-establishment ways, there should be more of an effort made to hook a vegan girl up! One final note: there is one nice chef who will make substitutions in orders and one mean chef who will fucking make no exceptions even if you will die of an allergic reaction due to a certain ingredient in a menu item. He’s all, live with it. Even if you don’t. What an ass.

One extra point for when they let me put flyers of my foster dog named Rudy up all over the place. He’s this really cute blind pit bull and they wallpapered the restaurant with him. It was capital-A Awesome.

[photos via Rudy’s Can’t Fail Cafe]

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