The Plant Cafe!  »

I bet if you look at how many places Vegansaurus reviews in the Mission vs. Vegansaurus reviews in the Marina, it would be equivalent to a see-saw with an extra fat manatee on one side and a Mycoplasma genitalium on the other. But let me explain:

1) All four of us call the Mission home. All four of us call the Marina TERRIFYING. 2) The Mission is filled with mostly amazing weirdos. The Marina is filled with skinny white bitches who BRONZE their non-existent CLEAVAGE, have CLAVICLES that could POKE AN EYE OUT and wear UGGS with TASSELS. I said, UGGS with TASSELS. God bless ‘em. It is also filled with Jr. Corporate Yahoos/Former College Date Rapists who work for their dad’s firms. SO HOT. 3) The Mission does not eat babies. The Marina eats babies.

I joke. I love to give the Marina a hard time. It’s mostly filled with hard-working yahoos who just want to HAVE A GOOD TIME LET’S GET DRUNK WOO!!! Ain’t nothing wrong with a little freaky freaky on the weekends, am I right, Chet!?

The Plant Cafe (formerly, Lettus Organic Cafe) is reason enough to make a trip to the Marina. Actually, let me be more specific, the Tempeh Picatta at The Plant Cafe is reason enough to make the trek to the Marina. It’s breaded and fried tempeh on top of a mound of VEGAN GARLIC MASHED POTATOES and fresh vegetables. All that is covered in the most delicious lemony capery picatta sauce you ever sunk your chompers into. Ugh, it is marvelous. They also have a wide range of vegan soups, sandwiches (a tempeh ruben so delectable that you bite into it and the VEGAN THOUSAND ISLAND dressing drips down your hands! Take that, Carls Jr!) and entrees! They even do many vegan items during brunch and I have it on word from a very reliable source (my stomach) that the tofu scrambles are first class. I also have it on word from a very reliable source (a friend’s stomach) that they get even better as the kitchen is always working to improve them…they even have a vegan pesto now! I love that…I love a kitchen that takes suggestion and isn’t all filled with stupid pride that doesn’t allow them to the BE! the BEST! they can BE! Thank you, Lettus er, Plant. Ugh, the worst name. Anyway. OH ALSO, GET THE PLANT BURGER. Get it with wasabi if you can but if not, JUST GET IT PLAIN. It will ruin you. DESTROY YOU.

They also have an entire range of vegan desserts including moist and delicious vegan cupcakes, many varieties of cookies and often some sort of loaf cake. Tianna, the pastry chef, is some sort of demi-god and her vegan baked goods are outrageous. If there is a devil’s food cake vegan cupcake when you are there, GET IT.

One demerit point for the surly bitch who took my most recent order. In the words of my girl Whitney Houston:  Bitch, I don’t want your man and if I did, I woulda already had him, OKAY??? Plus one point for the magical Tianna and the one extremely competent and adorable busboy who was just so adorable I wanted to put him in my pocket and bring him home with me.

One final thing: I really appreciate the almost all organic approach. It must be really effin’ hard right now. Prices are reasonable for quality of ingredients used. Also, you are in the marina. She is expensive. Get over it or go back to the parts of the city where people of color are allowed.

Update (6/20/1009): New location at Pier 3 in The Embarcadero. Now all these a-holes have somewhere to go at lunch! Yay them! Plant Cafe, throw me a bone…a location in Noe Valley seems like it would make us both happy.

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