Recipe: Chia Seed Gravy!  »

Recognizable to most of us only from (AMAZING) infomercials past (CH-CH-CH-CHIA!), chia seeds are actually God’s Gift. And that’s not just me talkin’ crazy, that’s also William Anderson, author of, “Chia Seed - The Ancient Food of the Future" In this article he claims that chia supports healthy heart function, joint mobility, immune function, cellular energy, healthy digestion and bowel function, bone health, regeneration of tissue, nourishment of skin cells, and is a valuable food extender/calorie displacer, and a rich source of calcium and protein. Also usable as a poultice for gunshot wounds! He states, "Chia seeds are the definitive hydrophilic colloid for the 21 century diet. Hydrophilic colloids, (a watery, gelatinous, glue-like substance) form the underlying elements of all living cells." THE UNDERLYING ELEMENTS OF ALL LIVING CELLS.

Suck on it, Flax.

Not only all that, chia seeds are a brilliant thickener for delicious, weirdly super-healthy gravy that TASTES BAD FOR YOU. Okay, I hate those biznatches who are like, “Doesn’t this no-carb, fruit-juice-sweetened, four-calorie Frookie (tm) taste just like a cookie?!?!” when in reality the Frookie (tm) tastes like prune-scented dung patty. BUT! this gravy really does taste like a fattening holiday gravy; it’s rich and thick and savory and delicious. It’s great for putting on mashed potatoes or baking biscuits on top of or adding in some Layonna’s chicken chunks and eating out of the pan. It’s sososososo good.

Now, the catch is, you have to watch a Youtube video featuring the delightful Ruth (who pronounces vegan, “vay-gun”). Ruth’s health food company (Ruth’s Hemp Foods, so awesome) distributes chia seeds so they have a couple recipes up on Youtube. These videos are kinda amazing, you should watch them all multiple times. Even though you will be using Ruth’s recipe, you don’t have to buy the chia seeds from her, you can find them at pretty much any health food store. I know in the Bay Area they sell them at Rainbow and Whole Foods.

Before you start the video, you will need: olive oil, half an onion, a couple tablespoons of miso (any kind will do, it’s for taste and color), 3 Tbsp nutritional yeast (don’t worry about Candida! It’s inactive!), 1/2 cup organic vegetable or unchicken broth, sea salt, pepper, and CHIA SEEDS!

If you aren’t awesome enough to watch the video, I have transcribed the recipe below because I am such a good blogger/person:

You chop and sauté the onion in the olive oil over medium heat. When the onions are translucent, add the nutritional yeast and stir that up, add a little salt and pepper (just a pinch!) and whatever spices you want (cumin, sage, thyme, whatever, but it’s also good without); then add the broth and stir it up so it’s creamy, then add 2 Tbsp CHIA SEEDS! to start (stir quickly or it gets clumpy!). It will get thicker and thicker over the next couple of minutes. Turn to low and let the chia become thicker and more gravy like. If after a few minutes, it isn’t thick enough, add more chia. If it’s too thick, add more broth. Finally, add some miso at the end for taste and color (maybe about 1 Tbsp?). VOILA, your wonderful vegan, gluten-free gravy is ready! I typed that all while listening to her recite the recipe in the video. I am starting to feel like she is an old friend. I want to meet this Ruth and have her adopt me and eat her hippie food and work the fields topless in her commune and burn my bras and my TV and use a menstrual cup and hold hands and sing songs and TOO MUCH TOO SOON, I’M HEADED TO TACO BELL.

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