It’s Taquito Tuesday at Flacos!  »

Well, apparently every Tuesday is Taquito Tuesday and it’s a Tuesday so BAM: $1 taquitos at Flacos in Berkeley! We really dig these taquitos so you should get up on THAT. But also, how did I not know about this? I thought I knew about every food-related deal or steal or holiday in town. Disappointed with myself and with the system.

[Delicious taquitos photo from Yelp!]


Saturn Cafe!  »

Berkeley is no longer just a blight on the urban map of the Bay Area. For so long it was just a place for terrible students and terrible rich hippies (the worst kind of hippie!) and was only to be suffered if you really had to have delicious vegan brunch at Fellini. Well, it’s still all those things! But now it has taquitos! And cinnamon rolls! And Saturn Cafe

Saturn Cafe is an import from Santa Cruz and it’s an important one. First of all, in a city that goes to bed at 6 p.m., it stays open to the unbelievably late hour of midnight. Kudos to them for making that happen because I can’t imagine the amount of city bullshit that they’d have to deal with to make that happen. Bureaucracy win! Secondly, it’s all vegetarian and that’s fucking awesome. It’s always nice to know that your tofu scramble won’t get cross-contaminated with bacon surprise (surprise! your breakfast had a mother!). And then there’s the decor? Saturn bills itself as a “Space-Age Diner” to which I say, “Space-Age?! More like GAY-AGE!” This place makes Pink Saturday look like a klan rally. Seriously, I brushed against a glitter-covered column and I swear, I’m still finding silver sparkles in my crap. All in all, LOVE. More glitter! Glitter for ALL! Life is a rave, pass the glow-in-the-dark Mickey Mouse gloves and let’s do the damn thing!

So already, Saturn Cafe has my heart. BUT THEN, my mind kicks in! That pesky thing that keeps me from being happy. Seriously, stupid people have it the best. And my mind tells me WAIT A MINUTE WTF IS THIS??? For a vegetarian restaurant, it’s sure slim pickings for the vegans. There are several areas in which they fail. I will now detail them because that’s how I do CONTROVERSY WHAT!

  1. No vegan cheese options. If you order something that regularly has cheese on it, the vegan version comes with this insane tofu spread that’s basically mashed up tofu with some chives mixed in. This grainy mixture is their stand-in for both cheese and sour cream. It’s very odd…not altogether bad, just odd. And when you consider the leaps and bounds vegan cheese products have taken in even the past few years, maybe the folks at Saturn just need to get on testing vegan cheeses. Might we suggest Daiya, Teese and Cheezly? We might!
  2. The veg chicken patties they use aren’t vegan. Dude, there’s GARDEIN. No excuse!
  3. Stuff like pancakes aren’t vegan. I don’t get it; pancakes are like the easiest thing to veganize. Let’s do this! Also, while you’re at it, please veganize the biscuits and gravy! There isn’t ONE place in the entire San Francisco Bay Area that serves this and I’m telling you, that alone will make Saturn famous. With my pants. And what is underneath my pants. That’s right, my vagina. I could go further but children read this blog! Also, if you are a child PLEASE STOP READING AND CALL CPS, your parents should be held responsible!
  4. Two options for vegan ice cream! You’re in the land of Maggie Mudd now, broker a deal with those fools! Let’s see some PB&J! And Apple Pie! I will pay for it, in both money and hella points for gluttony! This is kind of a throw-on request because I like to shoot for the moon. It’s really nice that they offer vegan milkshakes and I don’t want to push my luck.

All in all, Saturn Cafe, I love you. But please come through for the vegans! We count on our brothers in arms (or, in arms-ish. oh and that’s you, vegetarians! hi!) to have our backs in this big bad world of restaurant dining. If you could pull through for us on the front of vegan options, we will repay you in a never ending supply of our cold, hard vegan cash. And we’re by and large very rich*—how else would we shop at Rainbow all the time!? Shit.

OH ALSO: Maybe if they receive lots of very polite email from vegans letting them know there’s a desire for more vegan options, we’ll see some action! Maybe not! But, as always, it’s worth a try! Go forth, mighty (and polite!) vegans! Go forth, and spread our mighty (and polite!) message!



Flacos Restaurant Opens!  »

It’s been a good few months for vegan Mexican food! It’s everywhere. Well, in two places. Gracias Madre is considerably better than when it opened. Or maybe I’m just less of a bitch today. PEOPLE CHANGE. Not me, but I’ve heard that some do. Like, in movies about people changing. Anyway, I highly recommend the cheesy cauliflower and patatas bravas because they are both the tastiest. But we aren’t here to talk about that cult restaurant, we’re here to get down on some delicious East Bay Mexican food from Flacos. Yes we’ve reviewed them before, but now they have a stand-alone restaurant and it’s bare bones. You probably shouldn’t go with a group larger than four and you won’t all be sitting together. The food is worth it though, with the tamales and taquitos being the stand-out stars of the menu. Skip the pozole unless you’re a fan of things that are flavored like “red.”

I guess I really have nothing else to say. AND STILL I RISE. I guess I just wanted to tell you that Flacos is open in Berkeley and y’all should go so their asses stay in business and continue to be awesome so that I might get as delightfully fat as possible. Oh and they’re open from 12-9 Tuesday thru Saturday. And are cash only. FOR THE TIME BEING. I think they’re working on getting a credit card machine and to that I say: WORK FASTER! I joke but really, fuck you, Cha Ya.


Review: Flacos!  »

Flacos is an all-vegan Mexican food cart that is at many of the Berkeley Farmers’ Markets!

Did you hear me? I SAID, ALL-VEGAN MEXICAN FOOD!!!

Taquitos, enchiladas, chicken pozole (a hominy-and-veggie-chicken stew of sorts, YOU MUST EAT THIS), tamales, MOTHERTRUCKING CHALUPAS! I’m running for the border, bitches! What?!

Flacos uses all-organic, local ingredients whenever possible and lists their vendors on the website. I love knowing exactly where my food is coming from and that it’s not coming from Monsanto or some shit. But the best part about Flacos is that the food is INSANE. My favorite is the veggie-chicken tamales with homemade sauce, capers, green olives and potatoes inside corn masa and steamed in a banana leaf! It’s truly enough to bring tears to this vegan’s eye. Which is sad because I haven’t cried because of my own emotions in something like five years. But I’ll save that for therapy, not my blog. OR WILL I? Only time will tell, therapy is expensive and this blog is free! Prepare to know more about my mom than you do about yourself.

Anyway, Flacos would be on my I-only-have-24-hours-to-spend-in-the-East-Bay-because-I-don’t-know-maybe-someone-has-a-gun-to-my-head-and-I-have-to-get-out-of-town-really-fast list. So if you actually live in the Bay Area, there’s no reason why you’re not at Flacos right now. I DON’T CARE IF THEY’RE NOT OPEN! I SAID NO EXCUSE!*

*Ignore me, please.

[photo via Flacos]

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