vegansaurus!

09/13/2011

That’s Pam from True Blood throwing down for lab chimps! She’s working with PCRM to help pass the Great Ape Protection Act which is the best act and MUST MUST MUST pass. And as you certainly know, you don’t fuck with Pam; she will eat your face. And you will like it. Why is she the sexiest best?

Also, how freaky is it to see Kristin Bauer looking like a human? She’s all-American beautiful like a Charlie’s Angel or some equally gorgeous shiz but I don’t like it. Pam is severe! When you look at her you know she’s gonna either make fun of you and then kill you or make fun of you and then fuck you and then kill you, and that’s a quality I look for in my women. Rowr.

09/25/2010

The same charmingly misanthropic news, one day later: it’s your weekend link-o-rama!  »


This gorgeous rhinoceros is a screen print by artist Millie Marotta.

Take some action from your computer this weekend! The Humane Society asks that you send an email to Dr. Barbara Alving of the National Center for Research Resources to politely ask her to retire 26 “elderly, wild-caught chimpanzees” at the New Iberia Research Center, some of whom have been research subject for over 50 years. PCRM needs you to ask your senators to support the Great Ape Protection Act. Farm Sanctuary would appreciate it if you would send a message to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, Majority Leader Steny Hoyer, and Committee Chair George Miller to remind them of your support for the House version of the Child Nutrition Act, and ask that they work to get that version passed. Then, learn about meal-planning from the Domestic Vegan, and practice good nutrition yourself. Or bad nutrition, your Vegansaurus offers this link as a money-saving tip, we make no judgment on your vegan foodstuffs.

HSUS is such a fraud, you guys—did you know they want to take away our pets and turn us all into VEGANS? Just ask Joe “the plumber” Wurzelbacher, the king of political commentary! Look, they will wear their terrifying uniforms and kick down your doors looking for “abused animals” like the fucking Gestapo. Another organization dedicated to denying real ‘murricans’ right to kick downer cows, Mercy For Animals, reports that one of the Conklin Dairy workers on trial in Ohio pleaded guilty to six misdemeanor counts of cruelty to animals; he was sentenced to eight months in jail, to pay a $1,000 fine, may not come into contact with animals for three years. I wonder how much jail time ol’ egg-recall DeCoster will get for causing hundreds of people to contract Salmonella illness? Or for allowing for the torture of so many hens for so many decades? Yeah, vegetarians, nice job with the eggs-and-milk diet. But hey, milk and yogurt are so hot right now, especially unpasteurized milk, which you have to buy it all under-the-table like bathtub gin. Hope it doesn’t kill you!

Have you had your dose of rage today? I know you skimmed that anti-HSUS polemic, but this interview with Hal Herzog about his new book Some We Love, Some We Hate, Some We Eat will really raise your blood pressure. He’s a real peach, Hal Herzog; “What do we make of the fact that in 1933 the Nazi party enacted the world’s most progressive animal protection legislation?” he asks, and BAM you know you’re not going to get a sensible word out of him. It’s endorsed by Irene M. Pepperberg, the “Me” of Alex & Me—you know, the African Grey parrot who never got to leave the lab—and Vegansaurus’ favorite “animal welfare activist,” Temple Grandin. And the interview itself is nothing but softball questions, no follow-ups on the ridiculous claims Herzog makes, and OH he makes some outrageous ones. Maybe a better book for people with logical brains and feeling hearts is The Lost Dogs by Jim Gorant; it’s the story of the 49 pit bulls after their rescued from Michael Vick’s dogfighting ring in 2007.

Another Millie Marotta
screen print! This one is a donkey, could you tell?

Good news, everyone! Since 1999, scientists have possessed the silk gene, but now they’re able to reproduce it in seeds, tubers, and transgenic tobacco. Imagine a word of cruelty-free silk! That doesn’t mean science is done with animals, though; suppressing a certain gene in mice—which is also found in humans—can affect cognition; they call it “the Homer Simpson gene,” ha ha ha they can make mice stupider! Does that mean it will affect humans the same way? WHO KNOWS? They don’t even know all the effects of the suppression of this gene on the mice yet! Well, at least the FDA hasn’t approved that poor AquAdvantage “salmon” yet, despite the feelings (read: ridiculous arguments) of our esteemed colleague at Reason feels. You know, if we trusted libertarians, the majority of our grandparents would be living in the rooms we are living in now at our parents’ house. “Free-market solution” is an oxymoron, friends. As is “Corn refiners care about your health, which is why they want to change the name of high-fructose corn syrup.” Wait, no, that’s a lie, and Marion Nestle’s gonna fuck you up.

Last Sunday, Sept. 12, anti-bullfighting organizations CAS International, PACMA, and AnimaNaturalis held a collective protest of the Torneo del Toro de la Vega in Tordesillas, Spain. This torneo involves men on horseback and on foot chasing a bull across a bridge toward a meadow. During the run, these men repeatedly stab the bull with lances, but they aren’t allowed to kill him until they all reach the vega. Then the man who kills the bull gets the “honor” of cutting off the bull’s testicles, and parading around the village with them; then he gets a gold medal. Just like an Olympic athlete, you guys! This year’s bull was named Platanito, and apparently his ordeal was over in 15 minutes, which is comparatively brief. We are also super-impressed with Montana Fish, Wildlife and Parks, who already this week murdered a bear for violating a three-strikes law; now they’re demanding an expedited permit to hunt the fuck out of the 525 wolves remaining in their state. They only want to kill, like 75, and they won’t gas any babies this time, they swear. Just because an animal is on the federal endangered species list, that doesn’t mean you can’t shoot a few of them, right? Come on!

04/26/2010

When I started watching this ad, I thought it was about the cruelty of sending animals into space, in particular apes; the part where the chimp looks at the photo of himself hugging the man is when my heart started to break, and when he reached out for Earth, I full-on cried. They abandoned the chimpanzee!, I thought; he’ll never see Earth or his man again! This is the saddest thing! How can anyone think experimenting on animals is acceptable, especially sending sentient beings into fucking outer space with no intention of bringing them back? What the fuck is wrong with people?

Then the video ended, and I realized it’s not about, say, the Great Ape Protection Act (still in committee), but just saving the planet or whatever. Because a chimpanzee could survive in a tiny capsule for 65 years without going insane, or dying of loneliness. I get the idea, WWF, Leo Burnett and Ben Lee, but fuck you guys anyway for ignoring the larger issue literally staring us in the face: chimpanzees, and all animals, aren’t our property to send into space or use for pharmaceutical testing or wear or eat or breed. This is rather a larger issue than “Please don’t litter.”

[link from Daily Dish]

02/23/2010

Radiolab keeps the animal-related hits coming  »

Need some heartbreak in your day? Then tune in to Radiolab’s latest episode for the story of Lucy, the chimp raised as a human child (in the name of science).

Then, while your dander is up, urge your congress person to support the Great Ape Protection Act.

Slideshow of Lucy from Radiolab.

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