Product Review: Eat Pastry Cookie Dough!  »

Eat Pastry Cookie Dough is the S-H-I-Z (that is slang for something very delicious: e.g., “this shiz is delicious”). I’m not about to be coy or shy about the amount of this cookie dough that I ate. I ate a lot. I ate enough that if you were to lay these (beautifully designed) tubs filled with (g-d amazing) cookie dough side-by-side, that shit would wrap around the earth five times. I ate so much cookie dough that your mama is so fat and she could not eat as much cookie dough as I did. I ate so much cookie dough that you cannot recognize my scent as that of a human, only that of cookie dough. I ate so much cookie dough that YOU GET THE IDEA.

Eat Pastry is a small company that you might remember hearing about on Vegansaurus. They showed up on one of the design blogs Jonas reads because their design is super cute and fucking awesome. (It says adorable little things all over the package, like “made by two chefs who met in pastry school and have been in love ever since” and “let fully cool before you devour (we mean savor)”) So then we posted about them and dreamed of cookie dough but nothing happened. THEN, I was visiting the offices of the Republic of the Best Place on Earth, VegNews, and they freaking had Eat Pastry Cookie Dough!!! We sampled (read: gorged ourselves on it) one day after lunch and an incredible, insatiable crush was born. The kind of crush you can only stop by eating the person/cookie dough. Eat Pastry’s “website” is sadly missing really any content but with a little sleuthing, I was able to contact them and ask for some delicious dough. WELL BITCHES DELICIOUS DOUGH THEY SENT. Five different types, to be exact: Chocolate Chunk (my fave), Chocoholic Chunk (brownie in a tub, my fave), Cinnamon Ginger Spice (Christmas in a tub, my fave), Oatmeal Raisin Chocolate Chip (HOLY CRAP, my fave), and Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip (my other fave).

YOU GUYS. This is the kind of stuff that dreams are made. Literally, my dreams are made of little cookie dough-shaped people. You were there last night, Ginger Spice. You too, Chocolate Chunk. Eat it straight out of the tub and you know that your shit can’t get salmonella. OR WORSE. Bake it up and know that you have Perfect Cookies. Like Stepford Wives perfect. I wish I were like them, their lives are so great! (By the way, I’ve only seen the first 30 minutes of that movie.) This is the kind of product that you want to throw a parade for. It’s like Daiya, but for cookie dough. I know that the phrase, “it’s so good you can’t tell it’s vegan!” gets waaaaaay overused but seriously, it is painfully, deliciously true when it comes to Eat Pastry Cookie Dough. YOU CANNOT TELL IT IS ISN’T VEGAN. OR I MEAN IS VEGAN SEE HOW IT IS FUCKING WITH ME.

Anyway, it’s currently available in some Whole Foods in San Diego (for the first time in my life, I am jealous of San Diego OH SNAP) and Mother’s Markets. I am assured that they are expanding their reach to Northern California very soon and so we can all get it on it. SO PLEASE, whenever you’re in Whole Foods here, fill out one of those customer comment cards and ask for Eat Pastry Vegan Cookie Dough! And Basu’s Homestyle! And Daiya! And also, ask at Rainbow too. Let’s do this, vegans. Activism has never been so delicious. Except for that one kind of activism that involves sex workers.

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