vegansaurus!

04/22/2011

If you were important, you’d get free vegan queso for Earth Day  »

Cameron Diaz is getting a jar of Food for Lovers Vegan Queso for Earth Day and I’m not pleased. I’m super-jealz—WHY HER AND NOT ME?!  Life is so hard and unfair sometimes. I’m also mad because I was just in Austin last month—the city of its conception and the only place I’ve been recently that it’s available for purchase—and didn’t pick any up since somehow I’m so out of the loop I didn’t know it existed.  Maybe Cameron does deserve it more than me.

Distinctive Assets (a company that puts together gift bags for celebrities—I can’t wait till I’m famous) approached Chris and Crystal Tate, creators of the world’s first vegan queso, about using their product as swag for A-listers for Earth Day. Of course they said yes. Being able to use celebrities to promote your vegan product is an incredible opportunity to reach the masses (my mom has a subscription to US Weekly, I know what I’m talking about)!

Crystal and Chris are also featured in this month’s VegNews, as they just had a super hip vegan wedding. I imagine all vegan weddings are hip (NO GRILLED VEGETABLE PLATTERS) [Ed.: We’re totally putting that on a sticker! Don’t steal it, thieves!], though I have yet to attend one. No one knows yet if the images used for the article were real or stock photos. SNAP! Sorry, VegNews, you know I still love you.
Natalie Portman is also getting a jar. I thought the baby in her womb was forcing her to indulge in animal products?  She can send her jar to me. Thanks, Natalie!

MOST IMPORTANTLY, when is Rainbow getting this in? Until then, I’m ordering mine from Vegan Essentials! [Ed.: Rainbow is totally carrying it now!] I’m awesome and won a gift certificate, which allowed me to feel like a fantastic celebrity who gets free shit for no reason. I already know what I’m doing with my jar!

This is Jenny Bradley's first post for Vegansaurus! She is one of our new regulars (you’ve already met Rachel! And there’s more where MORE! we’re a godammed clown car of new writers! Not really, just four! That’s a regular car!) and she’s really, really great. As you can tell. Anyway! Yay, Jenny!

04/11/2011

Natalie Portman, please stop talking about your diet!  »

Because I am an asshole who hates myself, I continue to follow the story of Natalie Portman’s ever-changing veganity. I mean, until today. Today I cry, “uncle!” You win, Portman. I just can’t care anymore. That is, AFTER THIS LITTLE BIT OF RANTY BUSINESS.

My tale of “is she or isn’t she?” woe started a couple years ago, and was finally brought to resolution when she announced on HuffPo that she was FOR SURE 100 percent VEGAN. But all good things must come to an end, and so in January Vogue* Portman was all, “I’m vegan when dining out and vegetarian at home!” (Because that makes sense!) AND THEN, she apparently cooked her fiance a whole dead chicken or something (this was allegedly in People magazine, but I never saw it and can’t find anything on the internet because I don’t really feel like trying today) and NOW THIS.

Her pregnant body spoke to her (it’s a miracle!) and was all, “Eat eggs and helllllllla cookies!” and she was all, “OK, body!” It’s especially obnoxious because there are a million places to get vegan cookies in Los Angeles. Maybe she just needed to holler at quarrygirl? She’d hook her up with a million vegan cookies, and they’d be the best motherflipping cookies ever! I can’t speak to the egg thing because they gross me out, but unless she’s cracking them open and sucking them down raw, there are good vegan subs for pretty much every eggy thing you could desire. From tofu scrambles to custards, vegan chefs got your back! As far as resources for a healthy vegan pregnancy, there are about a billion and you know if ANYONE can access them, it’s Natalie “I HAVE ALL THE RESOURCES” Portman!

Aside from thinking her reasoning is bullshit, I just kinda wish she’d shut the fuck up about it. It’s like, I don’t really give a shit if Natalie Portman eats bloody steaks 24/7, I just don’t want her to broadcast it to the world. Obviously people look up to and emulate her because she’s famous and that’s how our shit culture works, and if the egregious abuse and murder of animals used for food upsets her to the extent she claims it does, why talk about anything but veganism when speaking publicly? Or if that’s not an option: JUST SAY NOTHING.

I get it, she needs some fucking cookies and vegan cookies are slightly harder to find than ones made with eggs, so she’s eating egg cookies. I say, eat all of the egg cookies, Natalie Portman. In fact, I think you’d look amazing as a fellow fatty, BUT PLEASE JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT IT. People look up to you; help educate them about the atrocity of animal agriculture instead of your own fluctuating diet. Use your platform for good. I know you get it and you care, and you have the opportunity to inform millions on how fucked it all is. I know it’s not right and it’s not fair and you didn’t ask for this responsibility, but you have a huge platform and it’s gross to me if you use it for anything but talking about how disgusting and disturbing slaughterhouses and factory farms are and how amazing vegan food is. And if you can’t do that, the least you could do is not talk about it at all.

*OMG, that whole article is soooooo amaaaazing and hilarious. One of her friends basically says that everyone is born with the face they deserve, and that’s why Portman is so beautiful! Um, yes, those kids born with cleft palettes are obviously total assholes. SO AMAZING.

01/31/2011

Our Natalie Portman: Everyone loves a well-dressed vegan!  »


The Los Angeles Times and The Huffington Post are both on Natalie Portman’s jock for her recent red carpet wear. The Huff rated her as best dressed at the Screen Actors Guild Awards where she totally won best actress for Black Swan (pictured above). I think her dress is kind of uggo but whatevs. I know she’s preggers but the dress could be more shapely; it’s like baggy on top.

The LA Times was kind enough to mention and adore the vegan shoes from Aldo she wore to the Directors Guild of America Awards:

These have the d’Orsay cut my sister says is very in. I’m not that into these either but whatevs.

[photo via the Huffington Post]

12/14/2010

Natalie Portman gets vegan analogs of Dior shoes to wear in her Miss Dior Chérie ads!  »


Earlier this year, Natty P. was named “the face” of Christian Dior’s Miss Dior Cherie perfume. But wait! There’s more! To accommodate her, Dior made vegan versions of their shoes for her to wear in all of the ads directed by Sophia Coppola (who directed the other Dior perfume commercial that uses that dope Brigitte Bardot song. Brigitte Bardot’s music is super greatI highly recommend it)! Portman knows what she’s doing! THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS HOW YOU DO VEGAN.

You know I love when the omnis bow down to our vegan greatness! I’m glad they made them for Portman but I don’t think Dior will be releasing a vegan line anytime soon—though I don’t think I’m in the right tax bracket for Dior shoes anyway. I mean, OMJesus,* $1,000 for shoes? Damn, girl. I don’t think I’d talk to me anymore if I bought thousand-dollar shoes. That’s like a round-trip ticket to Australia!**

Maybe when you heard the news, the same question popped into your head; specifically: does Dior test its perfumes on animals? Well! According to Dior: No! From the horse’s mouth:

They aren’t on PETA’s list of companies that don’t test on animals though. However, they also aren’t on their list of companies that do test on animals. They are on uncaged.co.uk as a company to boycott but it doesn’t explicitly say why. According to Uncaged, a company can state that they don’t test their products on animals without addressing the animal-friendliness of every ingredient. Dior could not have sufficiently demonstrated it or its sibling companies’ opposition to animal testing. So I don’t know, guys: They say they don’t and I couldn’t find anything saying they definitely do; I am le tired and disheartened. It’s still dope about the shoes, though.

*My new catchphrase, soak it in.
**That’s how I get perspective on prices, I measure them in plane tickets. For time, I use beers; like how many beers will it take to walk to Susie’s house? More than one and I’m cabbing it! 

[Photo from this dude’s twitter]

10/27/2009

“ Jonathan Safran Foer’s book Eating Animals changed me from a twenty-year vegetarian to a vegan activist. „

That’s Natalie Portman, in a piece on Huffington Post. In her review of the book, she finally answers the question of whether she’s vegan or not and the answer is: she’s vegan now, bitches!! Anyway, that’s not the main takeaway from her review, which is good and you should read it. Vegan.com also has a terrific review up too. We’ll have one up on Vegansaurus soon because it’s truly an excellent book but the point is, should you even try once you’ve been scooped by Padme Amidala*?!?

*That’s for all the fanboys out there! What what! Next week i’ll work in Claire from Heroes, I just have to Google a bunch of shit first I mean I KNOW THAT ALL OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD.

10/26/2009

Natalie Portman on This Week’s Top Chef  »

It’s finally here: Natalie Portman’s episode on Top Chef. No joke, our post on Natalie Portman guesting on Top Chef is our most popular ever. Never doubt the ability of dudes to Google the shit out of their out-of-reach crushes they will never get to sleep with!

Her vegan-ness is still up for some debate, and even the teaser clip (which you can watch below), doesn’t reveal what her dietary restrictions will consist of, whether it’s just a vegetarian dish or a full-on vegan meal. What’s funny is that the chefs get sent to Craftsteak, Tom Colicchio’s steakhouse, and all get boners over the variety of meat available in the kitchen, only to have them hopelessly deflated by Natalie. Usually it’s the opposite in her case, right?

Will you be watching?!

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10/23/2009

Vegan Halloween candy, Oprah (!), weekend events, and FINALLY: findings from Japanese whaling research! All in this week’s link-o-rama!  »

Meaverly's computer is out of commission right now (ugh computers are such pieces of shit, except this one, i love you, computer, you are very attractive, please don't explode on me) and so I'm taking over this ship. Get ready to crash into the rocks! Gloriously!

HERE WE GO:

Natalie Portman is gonna be on Top Chef. WILL IT BE AN ALL-VEGAN EPISODE, now that she is recently vegan!? I mean, we think she is but we’ve been confused before! Here’s hoping the episode is totally vegan but we’re not planning on it because OMG COOKING VEGAN FOOD NIGHTMARE HOW WILL WE FIND FLAVOR WITHOUT USING BABY BLOOD!?!? Didn’t they once have a Quickfire challenge where they had to cook fellow contestant’s children? I’m pretty sure that was in Season 3.

Even though we’re nearing the end of October, Vegan MoFo is still in full swing! If you’re interested in winning some awesome handmade cups & dishes, head to Vessels & Wares to enter! You have to put down your favorite blog entry and PLEASE GOD let it be one from Vegansaurus because I’m like srsly close to the edge today.

Vegan chef Tal Ronnen was on Oprah. THAT IS CORRECT. Now, his book is the 3rd best selling thing on ALL OF AMAZON. Such is the power of the mighty, mighty O. IF you missed it, you can check out his recipes from the show and BUY HIS BOOK. Because it’s really great. And we want him to beat out Sarah Palin and take the #1 spot on Amazon! YOU CANNOT LET SARAH PALIN WIN. I need you to fight like we did back in 2008, people.

Remember when the UN Report, LIvestock’s Long Shadow, came out and everyone was terrified and disgusted? Well, apparently that report grossly underestimates exactly how bad animal agriculture is for the earth. Blarg.

Wayne Pacelle, head honcho of HSUS, posted a great blog entry on 50 things you can do for animals. Definitely worth a read and then TAKE SOME ACTION, LAZY.

Speaking of lists, Rory Freeman has a great one up at Crazy Sexy Life. It’s all about how to be a better person and it’s not all schmaltzy and lame, it’s full of good advice. NOW IF ONLY I COULD TAKE IT.

FINALLY, the results from all the Japanese whaling research (read: killing whales and not doing any research) are in: whales eat krill; and, you can’t inject whale sperm into a cow egg and get a hybrid whale-cow. SERIOUSLY. If this makes you really mad—and it must because you have a brain and a heart—donate to Sea Shepherd so that they can get better at doing what they’re doing because even if they look crazy sometimes (read: almost 100 percent of the time), they are the only ones out there doing this and they will get better.

VegNews has up an awesome definitive guide to vegan Halloween candy because we’re all totally fat around here and gotta have it.

You’ve probably for sure seen this but if not, it’s a HOUND DOG hanging with an ORANGUTAN. Watch it and you’ll want to gouge out your eyeballs when you’re done because you’ll never see something so great again. And you’re into self-mutilation. I guess you’d need to have those two things going for you.

The long awaited, Vegan Cookies Invade Your Cookie Jar, isn’t available on Amazon yet but Cosmo’s Vegan Shoppe has it if you need it gotta have it right now. Which, you might because COOKIES!!!

WEEKEND EVENTS WOO!
If you’re all about the street food, there is an event in the Mission on Saturday, Oct. 24th. I can’t tell exactly what it is, film screenings, mainly, I think. There will be lots of food carts on the scene, many vegan friendly. No guarantees obviously b/c those crazy cart food people can change at any moment because nobody is regulating their shit but here’s hoping! I know Wholesome Bakery is all-vegan and they’ll be there so yeah WOO!

Rod Rotundi, he of the BEST NAME EVER, is promoting his new book, Raw Food for Real People, also on Saturday from 3 to 4 p.m. at Omnivore Books. It’s cool that OMNIvore Books is doing a veg event so let’s all show up and turn it out for the vegans and maybe they’ll do more in the future! Oh also, there will totally be free food at this event so I’m gearing up by not eating today (lie) and most of the day tomorrow (lie).

07/09/2009

Is Natalie Portman vegan or not?! WHY DO I CARE?  »

I’m so confused.

Based on some comments on Meave’s Vegan Top Chef post, I got genuinely curious as to whether or not this chick is vegan. Don’t worry, I hate me too.

Ecorazzi.com states here (Nov. 27, 2007) and here (Feb. 13, 2008) that she isn’t vegan but then states here (July 8, 2009) that she is. That last article says, “As many know, Natalie is a long-time veggie and went fully vegan last year.” Fair enough! Most of us weren’t vegan before we were vegan, but what’s truly confusing is that I can’t find any other evidence of her actually being vegan on the internet other than that Ecorazzi article that doesn’t cite any sources. Wikipedia has her down as a vegetarian. And then this, from commenter slm in the Top Chef post: “Natalie Portman isn’t vegan…. She came into the restaurant i work at last weekend in Los Angeles. I thought she was a vegan. I told the kitchen and everything…but, it turns out she was just a veggie.”

I’ve googled so many variations of “Natalie Portman” and “vegan” that my computer gives up. This is like the mystery of the sphinx. Except far less interesting and there is probably an answer on the internet that I just can’t find because I’m kinda lazy about searching for shit. TELL ME THE ANSWER. I’m hating myself the more and more that I continue typing.

07/08/2009

Vegan Top Chef!  »

Vegansaurus loves Top Chef. Strictly speaking, 25 percent of us write about the show for money, and another 25 percent of us have this problem called “an inability to turn off the TV, despite not actually owning one.” So!

When the sixth season of Top Chef begins later this summer, we vegans are getting an extra-special treat, and I mean aside from the return of Gail’s dresses and Padma’s bizarrely apt diction. This season, one of the guest judges is Natalie Portman! A vegan! And presumably the cheftestants will be cooking her vegan food! One can only hope they didn’t also make it a “raw” challenge, to give the whiny-baby omnivores even more to complain about.

Viewers have many, many criticisms of the show, but my foremost complaint is that the meals are, with rare exceptions, entirely meat-focused. When they talk about a “protein,” they mean “a piece of a dead animal, probably cut in a particular manner.” We haven’t heard anyone ever turn down foie gras, and I don’t give a shit if it’s a “chef’s indulgence” or whatever the fuck, the process by which foie gras is obtained is totally inhumane, and no one needs to eat a bird’s liver.

I don’t expect one episode with one vegan actor to make some enormous difference on the cheftestants, and certainly not on this season of the show. But if we watch Natalie Portman’s episode, and give Bravo our feedback en masse, that could encourage repeated vegan-focused episodes. Should they fuck it up, we can tell them how to improve. We can make this an opportunity to promote a cruelty-free diet without even leaving the house, and that is all right.

Please, dudes, I can’t take another season four-style kitchen full of gutted pigs’ bodies, waiting for dismemberment, all bleeping out the curse words and shooting close-ups as they hacked the pigs apart. I mean, what the hell kind of conclusions can you draw from that segment: Say, that when confronted by the fact that their dinners were once living animals, the chefs take responsibility for that and eat them, good? Or, it is beyond fucked-up, them looking those pigs’ bodies and getting all thrilled about cutting them up?

In sum: Natalie Portman, a vegan, is a judge on this season’s Top Chef; and, the show is actually pretty obscene and gross, so we are hoping the vegan food will mitigate that a bit.

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