Chocolate Covered!  »

Chocolate Covered is straight Willy Wonka PIMP y’all! What? I don’t know. Anyway, I believe they have the best selection of fancy candy in all of San Francisco, and I’ve been around the candy block, if you know what I’m saying. (whore!) (shut up!) It has a fantastic selections of chocolates from all over the world, and MANY of them are vegan. Jack (the awesome owner!) and Pali (his awesome employee and president of Rocket Dog Rescue! That’s why there is almost always a super-cute dog hanging out in front!) know TONS about chocolate and can point you in the direction of the perfect treat to calm your ravenous craving. They’re also really generous with the samples so you don’t run the risk of paying a bunch for something you hate. It’s a little on the pricey side, but the quality is so high that in the end, it really saves you from being as big of a fat-ass as you want to be. God bless the limitations of my wallet. Sometimes. Jack also makes these really cool cyanotype tins and boxes with any picture you want on it! I got one with a picture of my mom and niece on it, both looking all crazy. It’s now on the mantle at my parents’ house. BEST DAUGHTER EVER.

This is a little unrelated, but I need your help: Does anyone know where I can get one of those “chocosaurus” t-shirts that were huge in the late ’80s? It was from a series of t-shirts with dinosaurs on them doing various things like shopping or getting manicures or some shit. I think they were thinly veiled metaphors for crazy women and how much they just LOVE to eat chocolate! And buy shoes! HILARIOUS! Anyway, I REALLY want that chocosaurus t-shirt.


Store review: Layonna Vegetarian Health Food Market!  »

Shit! I can’t believe I haven’t written a review of g-d Layonna! What is wrong with me?! Don’t answer that! Layonna’s fake meat is known by veggies and vegans the world over. Seriously. If you tell a vegan in motherfucking Kathmandu that you are from the San Francisco Bay Area they will be like, “OH MY GOD! YOU ARE SO LUCKY TO LIVE SO CLOSE TO LAYONNA!!!”  This is not a joke and only a slight exaggeration. And yes, that is how they speak in Kathmandu.

Layonna is located in downtown Oakland. It’s tiny but filled from floor to ceiling with every kind of fake meat imaginable. Fake peking duck, fake scallops, fake monkfish (what?), fake bacon, fake baby, fake chicken drumsticks and more! They have an impressive selection of cheap fake beef jerky and stuff like mushroom broth and lots of types of noodles. Some good cheap ramen too! This place is a wonderland. Just like John Mayer sings so passionately about. In fact, that song is about this store, pass it on.

PRO TIP: get the fish filets and then buy some fish fry stuff and have possibly the most delicious crispy fish sandwich on earth. Like McDonald’s but it won’t kill you. As fast.

[top photo via yelp; bottom via Layonna]

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