Super great artist Christo may make sheep sad!  »

I love Christo,* like love love love. Like want to wrap him up in a fake silk tarp and keep him on my mantle.** He’s the mother-loving man. BUT I do NOT like art projects that bother animals! There is a big debate over Christo’s latest project, "Over the River," as it may displace/disrupt/harm the bighorn sheep in Colorado. In typical Christo style, they want to “suspend 5.9 miles of silvery, luminous fabric panels high above the Arkansas River along a 42-mile stretch of the river between Salida and Cañon City in south-central Colorado.”*** But apparently, bighorn sheep have delicate constitutions and people fear the disruption to the environment will totally freak them out; According to a former president of the Rocky Mountain Bighorn Society,**** “sheep are a stress-sensitive species and are susceptible to large die-offs when conditions are not favorable.” Bad!

But Christo thinks the bighorns will be fine! And he’s “offered to provide ‘substantial funds’ for bighorn sheep habitat enhancement projects.” When Christo says substantial funds, he means SUBSTANTIAL funds. Homeboy is paid. That’s actually one thing I really like about him—he gets no government subsidizing for his projects, even though they are a huge boom to tourism (not to mention totally awesome). Funds for Over the River, which is expected to cost $50 million,***** will be raised in the same way he gets all his money: “through the sale of the preparatory studies, early works from the ’50s and ’60s and original lithographs on other subjects.” Damn, son. That’s a lot of [daiya] cheddar for some sketches and random shit wrapped in burlap.

As for supporters of the project, some people are like, um, the hanging fabric will be nice for them! It will provide shade! And other people are like, um, we put a damn highway and railroad there and the sheep are still chilling. And still more are like, um, we totally hunt bighorn sheep every year, why are you suddenly worried about them when you routinely sanction their murder? Of course while I see the validity of that last point, my solution is to outlaw hunting! Yay! Dishes are done. Got any other problems for me to solve? Oh right, there’s this art thing. I don’t know, I’m kind of like, maybe he shouldn’t do it because I think animals trump art. Or maybe they can test a little area and see how the sheep react? Because that’s the thing, no one actually knows how the sheep will react. Maybe bighorn sheep are super into conceptual art. Who can say. Thoughts?

BONUS! Christo’s Wrapped Islands:

*Did you know Jeanne-Claude, Christo’s partner, died in ‘09? I didn’t and I feel like a big jerk. So sad.
**Yeah I have a mantle, I fucking rule.
***I’m no cartographer but those numbers seem a little off, no?
****How can I get down with THAT party?
*****Holy. Cannoli.

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