Dear Abby, thanks for bothing »
Carolyn Hax, an advice columnist for the Washington Post, appears to be a big jerk. She received a question from a very worried vegan and her answer is straight-up dismissive. Anonymous asked Hax for some marriage advice: she and her husband had always been dedicated vegans and all of a sudden her husband started eating meat again. She writes, “Now I feel duped. And seeing meat in our refrig hurts,” and asks at the end, “Do principles trump love?”
Here’s a portion of Hax’s response:
[F]or all your reverence for animals, you’re not showing much respect for the mammal you married. With my emphasis added, I’m going to give your words back to you: “How can someone I love not see the cruelty.” Your love determines how someone else thinks?
I appreciate your passion and sympathize with your predicament—dramatic change in a spouse is difficult, no matter what form it takes—but you need to take a couple of rhetorical steps back to your side of the personal responsibility line. He is entitled to his own principles, which includes the right to revisit, revise or reject them.
That mammal comment, oh my god shut up. And I’m confused: How is she not showing respect to her husband? By disagreeing with him? Because a good wife always agrees with her husband? Remember that, ladies! Hax is right, the husband can do whatever he wants because guess what, everyone can do whatever they want, but she is completely belittling Anonymous’ concern. Would she say the same to a devout Jewish person whose Jewish spouse suddenly wanted to be Catholic? If certain values are an essential part of your existence and you enter into a relationship with someone who shares those values, it’s a big fucking deal if they do a 180.
For myself, I would never get into a relationship with a pro-lifer because I completely reject that stance. If my spouse started condemning abortion rights, I would have a huge problem with that. And vice versa—could a devoted pro-lifer be in a relationship with someone pro-choice? The values aren’t just different, they’re inherently conflicted. She’s vegan and he directly contributes to animal suffering. If she entered into the relationship knowing that, that is one thing, but if part of her feelings for her husband were based on their shared values, that’s totally different.
I asked our own Laura Beck, who writes an advice column for VegNews, what her advice would be and she was happy to help out:
Dump the chump! Or at least get counseling because this shit will fester out of control if it’s not addressed stat! Respect is the foundation of every (good) relationship, and if you don’t respect someone’s choices, you’re gonna have a hard time getting freaky with them. Although, the husband might have a hard time getting freaky anyway, with all that rotting meat in his penis.
Also, if anyone has questions for me to answer in Ask Laura, please to email me! I answer everything from sex to love to sexy love and also questions involving food, politics, Super Mario Kart, dogs, cats, koala bears, home pickling, serial killers (area of expertise), squirrels, rats (the squirrels of the sewers!), the world wide web, hacking (legal and not), Law & Order: SVU, fashion, fatshion, binge-eating (i.e., treating yourself right), and being pretty.
Vegans represent on Dear Abby! »
A few weeks ago, Dear Abby published a question from a reader with an obnoxious brother who insisted that an entire holiday meal for 13 people be vegan because he has two vegan daughters. Dear Abby was horrified and told the dude to tell his bro and his daughters to stuff it and if they want something vegan at the meal, they should bring it them damn selves or just not come, i.e., MERRY CHRISTMAS, MOTHERFUCKERS. Fine, but Imma tell you something: Obviously those brothers have some other issues between them that stem far beyond the vegan meal. I can’t think of any vegan I know (and I know me some vegans) who would ever EVER insist that a holiday meal be entirely vegan. Some vegans have families who are ultra-accommodating and prepare an entirely vegan meal out of choice, some have awesome families who make sure there are plenty of vegan dishes, and some have to bring the vegan deliciousness with them, but I don’t know one vegan who is all, “MAKE THIS SHIT ENTIRELY VEGAN OR I AIN’T COMING AND YOU CAN EAT A DICK!” Letters like this perpetuate the mostly false stereotype of the “Difficult Vegan” AND in this case, it wasn’t even the vegans who were being difficult, it was their weirdo dad! If it even went down exactly how the poor victim brother who wrote the letter says it did, and I have my doubts. Can I get a witness?? Literally!
Anyway, I fumed about this for several days BUT TODAY, I saw that Abby (who is really named Jeanne now, that’s gotta cause some identity issues!) published some letters from awesome vegans who were all, “Hey! I’m not like that! And my eating choices are valid!” and so, that’s rad and all is well in the world and I don’t have to go ‘Mel Gibson in Falling Down" on your asses. Or "Mel Gibson drunk on a police officer." Or "Mel Gibson sober on his wife."
FINALLY, if you ever need any vegan advice, hit me up at Ask Laura (my advice column in VegNews!) and I’ll solve all your worldly problems and then some. And by and then some, I mean, I’ll also make fun of you and if you include your address, send you a coupon for a 50 cents off your next Wildwood tofu purchase, I’ve got a million! Ask away!