Review: Café Colucci!  »

Café Colucci is my favorite Ethiopian restaurant in the Bay Area. That’s saying a lot because I love Ethiopian people. They are seriously the greatest. Also, their food is MWAH! (I’m making the Italian chef “IT’S-A-NICE” kiss into the air.)

Now, at Colucci, you’re going to want to start off your meal with some of the veggie sambussas. Sambussas are heavenly fried dough balls that are like samosas but filled with lentils. They are super-tasty. Next, you’ll want the vegetarian combo. It’s 100 percent vegan and 100 million percent delicious. The veggie combo consists of Azifa, Buticha, Messer-Wot, Kik-Alicha, Gomen, and Atakilt. I know that means nothing to your uncultured ass but just know that it’s a plate filled with delicately spiced yellow lentils, spicely spiced red lentils, cracked wheat (you have to request this but just trust), potatoes and carrots and cabbage and collard greens. You eat it all up with their perfect fluffy and just-the-right-amount-of-sour injera and it’s just sofuckinggood.

The service is kinda slow (hey! they’re on Ethiopian time! Which I can only assume is roughly seven days behind the rest of us) so it’s best to pretend to go into labor or something right after you order so that they hurry it up. Worth the trip to Berkeley from SF and that’s saying a lot because Berkeley is basically the devil’s playground. I seriously hate that city. It’s filled with the dirtiest worst fake hippies with their WHITE-PERSON DREADLOCKS and HACKY SACKS and the whole scene makes me want to vomit. My best friend lived a block from Telegraph Avenue for a year and I swear to god, I cut the bitch off. I couldn’t hang. Every time I went to see her, I would get protested at by someone on a bicycle with BICYCLE BUMPER STICKERS. I’m sure we just lost half the readership of this blog but really, you have computers in your co-op? Is that okay? Well, relax. You can blow off this rant by having sex in your communal hot tub OH MY GOD I’M DRY-HEAVING.

P.S. Café Colucci often has gift certificates at Basically, you buy a gift certificate from them for hella cheap and then get a lot more money to spend at the restaurant. I know, that was the explanation you would give a five-year-old, but it’s what I got right now. Anyway, I’ve gotten one for Colucci through them and it worked perfectly. I ate like a king with a pauper’s pocket change. If you’re from Berkeley, you probably go to the Ren Faire, so I’m totally speaking your language.

[photos, top to bottom: stu_spivack, mlinksva, artnoose]

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