vegansaurus!

V-Day Dance: The V stands for VEGAN!!!!

I don’t mean to be the resident pessimist here, but Valentine’s Day is just one of those holidays that has the tendency to be a total bummer. And I’m not just talking about the hopelessly in-love couples with the cliched, sickening, we-met-at-Dolores-Park-because-I-was-wearing-my-new-ultra-gaudy-neon-American-Apparel-leggings-and-matching-scrunchie-when-he-rode-by-on-his-fixie-and-it-was-love-at-first-sight story who make the rest of us feel like shit for being alone. I mean, that’s just one aspect of it. But then take, say, the pounds and pounds of pink-and-red-foil-wrapped, heart-shaped chocolate on display at your local grocery store. Yeah, can’t eat it. And that’s just for starters.

So for those of you looking for something to do that weekend, well, why not a Valentine’s Day DANCE?! Yeah, sure, it’s totally kitschy and might stir up some long-repressed and entirely unwanted memories of adolescent dances and all the awkwardness that accompanied them, but seriously, what else are you going to do (aside from camping out on the couch and watching Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks movies while pigging out on Oreos and vegan ice cream and feeling sorry for yourself)??!!!?! BESIDES, IT’S FOR A GOOD CAUSE.

Included in the price of your ticket are all sorts of vegan treats—there will be hors d’oeuvres and desserts—including baked goods from Vegansaurus friends Sugar Beat Sweets and Fat Bottom Bakery!!—and raffle tickets and goody bags. Plus, two single vegans will be auctioned off for dates, and they’re pretty cute (check out the website for pictures and details, and please direct all comments on how cute the cat in the picture with Brian is to me because he’s MINE [the cat, not Brian]). Plus, there’s dancing, and music, and if you haven’t seen me dance, you’re missing out because I pretty much own you all on the dance floor. OH, AND DID I MENTION?! OPEN BAR. That’s right. And if you’re not yet 21, no worries, because you can just give all your free alcohol to me. PROBLEM SOLVED.

So here comes the rough part—it’s a $50 price tag for this event. BUT, proceeds from the event will benefit Vegan Outreach so if it turns out to be a total bust, at least you can feel good about yourself for being altruistic or something.

And lucky for you, Vegan Outreach is giving away a pair of tickets to this dance for you and a guest of your choosing, be it your significant other, a hot date, a blind date, your best friend, your little sister, your dog/cat/hamster, or me (HEY GUYS, I’M SINGLE SLASH AWESOME). All you have to do is share the best surprise you’ve given or received on Valentine’s Day or some other special momentous day, and if your story is picked, you get in free. You can do that on the Facebook page for the event.

And just a tip: If your life is full of completely boring, unromantic moments like mine, just lie, because seriously, no one will know the difference.

Gather is a fancy-ass new restaurant in Berkeley brought to you by a former Millennium chef! Sorry about this title, I can’t do better right now. MY APOLOGIES.

Millennium, you just can’t stop. And we don’t want you to. Hot on the heels of Eric Tucker’s Encuentro, another Millennium chef, Sean Baker, opens Gather in Berkeley. It’s stated on the site that the restaurant will always be 50 percent omni (read: meaty meat) and 50 percent vegetarian—so what, 25 percent vegan? Not bad for the obnoxious bougie eating scene in the gourmet ghetto of Berkeley.

The menus (warning: it’s PDF. GOD SO ANNOYING) have clearly marked vegan options (clearly marked gluten-free options too, kinda snazzy), including pizzas and main dishes. Nothing looks too inspired but might be a good choice for a place to take family members who simply can’t live without their cheek-of-dead-pig salad BARF.

Worth noting that there are no vegan desserts on the menu and I cannot stand for that. Dude, you came from MILLENNIUM, you know what’s up. Hire a pastry chef with some fucking skillz. Shit, it’s like backwards day around here.

Bonus points for a full bar. I love a full bar. Minus points for having drinks with egg whites (what’s with that? salmonella, anyone?) and another one called the “spajito”. That just sounds gross to me. Further, I’ll totally order one.

New Restaurant Review: Green Papaya Vegetarian Thai!

Green Papaya, an ALL-VEGAN THAI RESTAURANT in downtown Berkeley, opened this week. Upon walking in, one might feel as if he or she is in the center of a fresh papaya, with long walls freshly painted green and pink curtains.

Glancing at the shiny flat screen pasted on the wall, I thought we were in a Supreme Master joint, but then I saw BEER. The menu was super-cute, with appetizers billed as “chill chill,” salads as “yum yum,” and soups as “warm up.” They brought us Thai iced tea on the house. I was sort of anticipating fake meat galore (a la every vegan thai restaurant in Hollywood) but was shown a world of tofu, lightly fried seitan, and fresh vegetables. While my tastebuds missed the processed soy, my butthole said “thank you.”

Despite the lack of faux mutton or veggie whole duck or whatever, the menu was pretty inventive. We started with Curry Puffs, which are four deep-fried triangles stuffed with a moist mixture of pumpkin, shiitake, potato, onion, and pepper.

Then came the delicious Pad Thai. Probably my 4th best ever. And finally: the lunch special, Seitanic Broccoli (my name, not theirs); a mound of rice, crispy tofu skewers (or spring roll), and a sweet cucumber salad.

You don’t have to say “no egg pretty PRETTY please!,” they won’t mistake your gluten dish for beef chunks, and there is no fish sauce—ever.

They’re open daily from 7 a.m. to 11 p.m., and located a mere block from the downtown Berkeley Bart station at 2016 Shattuck Ave. Check it out!

Nature’s Express, a vegan fast food joint, comes to Berkeley! THANK YOU, HIPPIES!

So how’s this for some bullshit? Solano Avenue in Berkeley/Albany, home to dozens of dining spots, HAS NO vegan establishments. What the hell is wrong with those supposedly granola-and-animal-loving Solano Ave. hippies?  Well, the correct answer is A LOT. But lucky for us, things are about to change (at least in the realm of veg food…we don’t have a hopeful outlook on the crystal deodorant and wearing Birkenstocks-with-socks front).

Starting in early January 2010, the small vegan chain Nature’s Express is opening a branch at 1823 Solano Ave. in Berkeley.  (Most people think of Solano as being in Albany, but the eastern part of the street is technically still Berkeley. The geography lessons are free, bitches!)  

That’s right, soon you’ll be able to dine cheaply and cruelty-free among the hordes of aging hippie foodies. Great! But you ask: How cheap? How vegan? And is the food any good?

Well smarty pants, here’s the menu* from the Rancho Mirage location. Look, it’s cheap! And according to Molly Patrick, Nature’s Express General Manager for Northern Cali, everything is 100 percent vegan!

Yes, but is it nasty? Yelpers overwhelmingly like it. What? Those fools hate everything because they think that’s comedy?! Maybe that’s the case but they’re loving on Nature’s Express. And the ones who don’t probably shop directly from puppy mills. SO EVIL!

Anyway, Nature’s Express plans to open up shop in Berkeley around Jan. 6th or 7th. They will be celebrating their grand opening on Jan. 15, 2010. We will keep you posted about this event (free food!?) and the exact date they will open because that’s how we do!

*Of definite interest is the biblical burrito…wtf is that!? I’ll take it! Also, is this a cult? Not sure, don’t care. Oooh also, tempeh ruebens and chicken roll tacos and garden lasagna!? YES and YES and YES!

Thanks to Claude for this awesome insider info & fabulous post!!

Cha-Ya!

Being vegan, most of the time it’s easy to make decisions at restaurants. Usually at most there’s two or three vegan or veganizable items on a menu. With years of practice, it takes about three seconds to flip through a menu and zero in on what I can eat with pinpoint accuracy. (It also “helps” if your parents are there: “Look honey, they have tofu!”)

It can be a little daunting to eat someplace with a really big vegan menu. Cha-Ya’s menu is about six pages long and everything on it (over 50 items) is vegan. I’ve eaten some meals here that were oddly disappointing, and others that were “fuck yes” amazing.

My advice for navigating Cha-Ya is this: only get things you’ve heard of before at other Japanese restaurants. Simpler is better. Their tempura is awesome. Their gyoza is amazing. The miso soup and sushi are really good, too. Things like cold soba salad are OKAY, but wouldn’t you rather have something fried? They also have something called “Moon Garden.” Don’t get that. Just don’t. And though you might have heard of natto before, don’t get that unless you’re sure you know what you’re doing. Do enjoy some warm sake with your meal. Do get the ice cream sundae for dessert: it’s vanilla So Delicious with green tea sauce, adzuki bean sauce, pineapple chunks, and toasted nuts. Um, yes.

Cha-Ya has sort of a weird ambience, though. It’s bright and clean and sterile in there, like a cafeteria in the future. This is the case at all three locations so it must be what they’re going for. Japanese people are crazy! I can say that because I once dated someone Japanese, that’s how it works. They only accept cash so be sure to bring some. At the Mission location, they were kind enough to install an ATM inside, but that also makes it feel like you’re eating in a liquor store. The other two locations have ATMs nearby. In other news, ACCEPT A FUCKING CREDIT CARD WHY DON’T YOU IT’S 2009 GODDAMN.

Fellini!

Yes, Fellini is the kind of place that feels the need to append “Ristorante” to their name. You know, so you can tell they’re Italian. They also describe themselves as “fun and funky” and a “bistro.” Wait, come back.

They have a really wonderful brunch menu, which is, ahem, not Italian in any way I can discern. Is this an Italian restaurant or not? I can’t tell. Maybe if the waiters wore overalls and broke bricks with their heads, then we could know for sure. Nevertheless, it does have a pretty large selection of vegan stuff. My recommendations are either the vegan benedict, or the breakfast sausage scramble. Also, it says right on the menu, “All vegan dishes are prepared in VEGAN-ONLY pans,” which is too cool because it means no cross contamination with funk nasty meat, eggs or dairy. I guess you could have gotten that from the VEGAN-ONLY sentence but I felt the need to type it again because it’s cool and I might be autistic? Who knows! Only a doctor, probably.

Fellini has a pizza called “smiling cow” (cute, right?) which is like the vegan version of a Meat Lover’s Supreme. Made with vegan bacon, sausage, and pepperoni, it’s truly, ridiculously delicious, and that’s all you need to know about that. I like this pizza, I give it four Marios!

Thank you, Mr. Fellini! Whoever you are! For bringing fantastic vegan food to the masses at brunch, lunch and dinner. Please open up a second location in my mouth and then we can be BFF. UNTIL THEN WE ARE ONLY JUST REGULAR FRIENDS BUT NOT BFF.

With Hospitaliano,

Jonas

[photo by Sharon. Ciao!]

Alameda Pie!

There is a lot of pie in our lives right now. But that doesn’t make any of the pie less special, and certainely doesn’t eliminate the need for more pie because you ALWAYS NEED MORE PIE. The newest contender in the pie olympics is Alameda Pie, and this one comes packing heat. I’ve mixed like five metaphors in this post already. I’ll keep going. Alameda Pie makes and delivers pies to your home. You order at the beginning of the week and that Friday (or Saturday!) delicious fresh pie is DELIVERED to your DOOR. We ordered the 10” apple pie and the 5” coconut curry pie. The apple pie was super-duper tasty (both playing solo and à la mode!) BUT THE COCONUT CURRY PIE. Giiiirrrrrl, it was off the hooooook! Potatoes, onion and carrots coated with perfect, rich yellow curry. It was seriously ridiculous. My only regret is that it was only 5”, we could have easily taken down a 10”. or a 60”. Whatevs. Bring it, Alameda Pie. IN FACT, I propose we have one of those contests where they make the biggest pie they can possibly make (100”?) and if I can eat it, it’s free. Who is in!? I AM! Alameda Pie, your turn. WILL YOU MAN UP TO THE CHALLENGE? You have two days to accept at which time, we will breathe collective sighs of relief that you are less batshit crazy than I am. Man, I’m so sleepy and so full of pie this review is done GOODNIGHT, SIR!

Sunrise Deli!

I am declaring Sunrise Deli the best falafel in San Francisco proper. DEAL WITH IT. You all can argue with me but whatever, I don’t care what you have to say and won’t pretend to, either. As you can easily tell, I am a popular girl.

I was turned on to Sunrise by the good people at VegNews magazine and Brassica Supperclub and they collectively know their shit (read: food). The best suggestion I got was to buy some hot falafel balls (hehehe) to eat while they make your sandwich! OH MAN ALIVE! Hot, crispy, not too greasy but plenty greasy enough, they are truly something! So often falafels are too dry/hard/dense/stale but not here.

You can get your sandwich with or without the eggplant/potato combo; people seem to feel strongly about the authenticity/deliciousness of this (as they do about so many about so many seemingly ridiculous things) but I freaking love it. You can also get one with avocado I KNOW BUT SO GOOD or a plate with four falafel balls (hehehe), salad, hummus and tahini.

So again, it’s the best falafel in San Francisco and I don’t care if you say differently because guess what, I won’t be reading the comments or checking my email or having any communication with the outside world ever again so COMPLAIN AWAY, I KNOW I’M RIGHT KTHXBYE.