Corn is Expensive, So Cows Eat Candy »
You know what sucks about factory farming?* Those poor cows never get dessert. No trick-or-treating, no birthday parties, no office candy dishes. Just corn corn corn, soy soy soy, corn corn corn all year long.
Thankfully for the rights of cows everywhere, the Weather Channel reports** that this summer’s drought has shot corn prices sky high, so farmers are actually finding it cheaper to feed their cows “discarded food products” like ice cream sprinkles, gummy worms, and marshmallows. Finally, some justice! Plus, imagine all the jobs this will create for future cow dentists.
See, the reason this makes so much sense is that it’s obviously a good use of resources to process the food that cows eat as much as possible, so that when we slaughter them and eat their flesh, each bite will have the carbon footprint of driving a Hummer for six years or so. There’s definitely no irony in the fact that the methane from the poor cows contributes to the global warming that’s likely causing this and future droughts. Nothing weird about giving grass-eaters pure sugar with gelatin in it. GELATIN.
Guys, I hope you find this as uplifting as I did. Just doing my part to brighten your day. K, I’m off to go slam my hand in the car door a few times, because I just love that tingle.
**They do news?!
Cow photo by law_kevin/Flickr.com
New word alert: Invasivores! Definition: eating our mistakes »
Ok, I guess invasivores can be a word. I saw it on planetgreen.discovery.com yesterday and thought we should add it to the list. Planet Green doesn’t really define it but it’s in the title of their post about people eating lionfish as a way to control the population of that wacky invasive species of fish. The idea of eating this fish FREAKS ME THE FRACK OUT. Like, more than eating regular fish. Seriously, VOM.
Can I just quote Meave in the link-o-rama on lionfish and how it came to be an affliction?:
Ooh, the new gourmet food is lionfish, because it’s a super-destructive invasive species, wreaking havoc all over the Gulf of Mexico, into the Caribbean, and moving down into South American waters, and “humans are the only predator that can wipe it out.” But how did the lionfish, a native of the western Pacific Ocean, get to the other side of the world? Oh, well, see, people in South Florida who kept them in fishtanks in the ’80s started dumping the fish in the ocean! The wrong ocean! Whoops! And the lionfish figured out how to thrive, and now it’s fucking shit up for coral reefs all over the place. SO LET’S EAT THEM UP TO RECTIFY OUR MISTAKES. Humanity at its best.
Honestly, I don’t know what to do about invasive species. Humans are kind of an invasive species, aren’t we? Here’s the definition from invasivespecies.org:
An “invasive species” is defined as a species that is
1) non-native (or alien) to the ecosystem under consideration and
2) whose introduction causes or is likely to cause economic or environmental harm or harm to human health. (Executive Order 13112).
Invasive species can be plants, animals, and other organisms (e.g., microbes). Human actions are the primary means of invasive species introductions.
I subscribe to the African-origin of humans so we’re generally non-native and our introduction to every single part of the world has definitely caused environmental harm; survey says: invasive species! I propose that invasivores could be most effective if they ate people—am I right?! From now on, this can be the official definition!:
1. People that eat invasive species
[Photo by Jens Petersen]
Who loves bunnies and dormice and cephalopods and German vegetarians? This week’s link-o-rama loves them all, of course! »
Events! Things to do!
Have you adopted a rabbit yet? If not, don’t worry, you have another chance on Saturday, Sept. 4, when East Bay Rabbit Rescue teams with Harvest Home Sanctuary and the House Rabbit Society for a massive art show and adoption event! From 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. at the East Bay SPCA at 4651 Gleason Dr. in Dublin, you can browse and buy bunny artwork, and meet your new best friends like little baby Elmo here, who is only three months old! The art show will continue through the end of the month.
SF Zine Fest returns this weekend! It’s awesome, it’s free, and our own Jonas is a longtime organizer so attendance is like telling Jonas he’s great, which shouldn’t be hard because duh, he is. Our Laura will be there with the very first issue of Fat Zine (read about its creation in The Bold Italic!) Plus you can check out other Friends of Vegansaurus, including Susie Cagle, Family Style, Jen Oaks, François Vigneault, and Zine Fest special guest Jesse Reklaw! Zine Fest is located in the County Fair Building in Golden Gate Park, at 9th Avenue and Lincoln Way; it’s open from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. Saturday and Sunday, Sept. 4 and 5. Visit the site for information on workshops, panels, special events, a complete list of exhibitors, interviews, and more!
Update! Davey Surcamp of future vegan bakery A Fire Inside is holding a fundraising vegan bakesale on Monday, Sept. 6 (Labor Day!) from noon to 4:30 p.m. at Haight and Ashbury Streets. Buy a snack, support the bakery, which we REALLY WANT, YOU GUYS. Afterward he’ll host a vegan potluck in Buena Vista Park at 5 p.m., noting please that while everyone is welcome, all attendees will need to bring both a vegan dish to share (duh) and their own dinnerware. So there’s your three-day weekend covered, you’re welcome!
Most of us San Franciscans have friends and relations in other states worrying us about THE BIG ONE and whether we’re READY FOR IT, but hyperbole aside, we ought to be minimally earthquake-ready—at least for your pet’s sake. To that end, a panel of Disaster Preparedness Coalition for Animals reps will hold a discussion on “Preparing Yourself and Your Animal Companion for a Disaster” on Wednesday, Sept. 8 from 6 to 7:30 p.m. in the Latino/Hispanic Community Meeting Room in the Main Branch of the SFPL. The Main Branch is located at 100 Larkin St, and the Latino/Hispanic Community Meeting Room is on the lower level of the Library.
Hello, Tidbit! At one whole year old, Tidbit is fully grown and a whopping two pounds. We understand that he loves to meet new people, and cannot be kept away from his toys. Tidbit is a rescue bun with Harvest Home Sanctuary, meaning our friend Anne has vouched for his character, and if she says he’s confident and happy, he most certainly is. Do you have room in your heart and home for little Tidbit? (hint: YES)
Articles! Things to read!
Remember when we asked you last week if you’d rather eat a GM “salmon” or “willingly donated human meat?” Guess what, we’re geniuses: that was, essentially, the question the VEBU wanted everyone to ask, and being vegans, we got it. Wir sind gleich! We’re also gleich with scientists who are proving that cephalopods are conscious beings. They might even dream, you guys. What do you suppose squids dream of? What would an octopus’ dream look like? Your Vegansaurus will admit to welling up a bit, considering animal minds.
A mountain lion made the mistake of venturing too near “popular restaurants and shops in the north side” of Berkeley on Tuesday morning, so city police, to quote Brock SFist, murdered it. Definitely the right choice, straight-up bullets. Even though the ortolan is an endangered species, it’s such a fancypants delicacy in France the government still ignores hunters—how can you stop people from eating something so delicious? Even if 50,000 tiny birds are slaughtered annually, each of which sells for up to £120 on the black market—it’s about TRADITION, and CUISINE, something animal-loving barbarians would NEVER understand. Across the Channel, the entire U.K. is up in a bunch over having to build bridges to allow tree-dwelling endangered species like dormice to safely cross giant motorways, once the giant motorways have been built right through the dormice’s habitats. Considering how super-extra-endangered Britain’s remaining endangered species are, the public may want to consider more serious measures. You jerks had better not kill off all the Mrs. Tiggywinkles. In Israel, a bill that would have banned “the production, processing, import, export and sale of fur from all animal species not already part of the meat industry” will now most likely be withdrawn, as member of the Knesset Menachem Eliezer announced his party no longer supports it, despite a clause added by the bill’s sponsor, MK Ronit Tirosh, to allow fur imports for religious purposes (such as the shtreimel worn by ultra-Orthodox men). Dang it, religion: no matter what country or what deity, you’re always making things difficult.
Do you read Paula Deenisms? Maya Goodwin, unfortunately, is an ex-vegan who believes that “[v]eganism is a dietary preference that is, in realistic terms, reserved for those who are fortunate enough to afford such an expensive diet.” Boo, Maya Goodwin. As an interested party (one of your editors also works for The Morning News!), I am disappointed the interviewer (who is my pal) didn’t press her on this point, but of course, we have separate agendas. On the other hand, did you read the good news from old crazyface John Mackey? “[Whole Foods will] introduce a private-label line in 2011 based on the healthy eating book The Engine 2 Diet. We’ve licensed that brand. It’s vegan (no animal fats) with no canola or safflower oils, and low in sugar and salt.” YOU GUYS MORE VEGAN FOOD AVAILABLE IN MORE AREAS HOORAY HOORAY. Mackey remains a creep who probably hates fat people and is clearly obsessed with oils—which make your hair look pretty, dude, look into ingesting some—but you bet your ass your Vegansaurus supports his move to bring more vegan food to the people. Like (organic, vegan) Brooklyn Salsa: NYC vegans, check this stuff out! The company uses Glen Industries to make the salsas, which employs people with disabilities, helping them “to realize their goals of where and how they learn, live, play, and work, Glen Industries creates an environment of independence, productivity and integration.” Jesus christ, my heart. [BK Salsa info from Shut Up, Foodies!]
Plumpy’nut: when we last looked at Plumpy’nut, Congress was not happy about its creator’s proposal to let her Tanzanian factory produce it—what about the precious U.S. farm bill? In a new article, we get a broader view of the complicated business of Plumpy’nut. Internationally, there are complaints that the company that owns its patent is too strict with how it licenses the product, and that the $60-per-child-per-two-month-treatment cost is too high. Then there are complaints from the U.S. peanut lobby, who aren’t getting in on any of the action, and from other parties who don’t believe in for-profit “therapeutic foods.” Yes, it contains milk, but it is a very effective vegetarian supplement; kids love it, and they can eat it at home instead of at a clinic. What do you vegans think: better Plumpy’nut for kids, or something like Heifer International for families?
Right, and McDonald’s food does not visibly age. Like at all. That’s your restaurant!