Lady Gaga didn’t make anyone kill a cat, but this shit is still hella sad! »
A 20-year old girl, getting ready for a bangin’ night out, goes through her normal beauty regimen. Glitter: check. Water bra: check. Whiskey flask: double check. Outfit splattered in neighbor’s cat’s blood: Ch-wait, what?
I guess pre-gaming is a little different these days. Angelina Barnes from good ol’ Oklahoma has been charged with animal cruelty, and being a fucking creep, after a series of events leading up to a Lady Gaga concert. Gaga, no offense, but this kiiind of trumps your meat dress.
A news report states a relative of Barnes came home, presumably to unwind with a nice Colt 45 and a little Idol, only to see a “completely dark house, with duct tape covering light switches.” [Ed.: creepy!] And there Barnes was, just hanging out in “a long coat with streaks of what ended up being cat blood on her face.” It puts the lotion in the basket.
Poor Whiskers. It’s clear this woman is very mentally unstable. Ready for some more of investigators’ findings? Purple hair dye/blood all over the bathroom; a drowned kitty-kins, belly cut open and “eyes mutilated; the cat’s liver was found in a makeup case on counter.” So Barnes was taken to a hospital, where she went all Girl, Interrupted and tried to slice a nurse with some glass. Her family claims she has previously suffered from depression, but this behavior was completely out of character. Not that anyone ever says, “Oh, yeah, I taught my kids how to appease the gods by offering up the blood of innocent critters. I also like them to use scented candles for ambiance.”
Of course, the media loves to blame famous persons. Especially famous liberal persons. If it’s not Josh Groban, it must be the devil. Fox was quick to correlate a young student’s suicide to an Obama speech on the same campus. So, like Marilyn Manson’s plight of the ’90s, Gaga must now pick up the burden on the fucked up happenings of her fans. You monsters. Barnes, I hope you have a nice recovery, and mental illness is a rough biz, but the cat didn’t do anything to you.
[Ed.: Now let’s all look at cute adoptable cats because 1. You know you’re already looking at kitty porn! and 2) I need to focus on something that’s not super fucked up so I can get out of bed tomorrow morning!]
It’s Anya! She’s up for adoption in Alameda (MY ISLAND HOME FROM WHENCE I CAME) and she’s adorable and you want to spoil her with awesome love and not drown her and smear her blood on your body. I know that normally goes without saying but as it turns out, you can never be too careful! Ugh!
This guest post was brought to us by Jessi Stafford! Jessi is originally from St. Louis…ish. She’s now squandering her fortune while freelancing in Baton Rouge, LA. A University of Missouri Journalism grad, Jessi uses her degree for cocktail-drinking. She loves hyperbole and whoring around thrift stores. Jessi’s becoming a regular (guest poster) on Vegansaurus and we love it!