vegansaurus!

San Francisco: Vegan chocolate cupcakes TODAY! Come and get them!

We just got a tip that Cako Bakery on O’Farrell Street in SF is selling vegan chocolate cupcakes today! CHOCOLATE CUPCAKES! Did I stutter? Go get one! And mail it to me! With love notes!

[Ed.: This better start to be a normal thing or we’re not promoting their asses anymore. We’ve been lured over there before with the promise of vegan cupcakes only to be totally fucked with and there be NO VEGAN CUPCAKES. Do not tell us that there are cupcakes and then not have cupcakes because then THERE WILL BE BLOOD. I will give new meaning to the term “red velvet!” What!?

Apparently one person who went in there was told that they didn’t have vegan cupcakes anymore because the staff “didn’t like them.” To this we say: THEN UR DOING IT WRONG. Even The freaking Kitchn acknowledges that vegan cupcakes TASTE BETTER THAN REGULAR CUPCAKES. Anyway, go there today and let them know that you want vegan cupcakes! And thank them very much; do not be rude like me, I am a terrible example of humanity!]

[Thanks to Charlie Fields for the tip!]

Shocking tasers, shorted-out circuits, and food porn in today’s SHOCKING (themed) link-o-rama!

How about that: a goat in a blue suit! According to Vice, who did the photoshoot, it’s Look 25 from Dunhill’s spring/summer 2010 collection. I’m not sure about that, honestly—I think it just as easily could be Look 27. Thoughts?

By the way, this is Steve filling in for Meave this week, who blames her absence on a shorted out MacBook keyboard following a coffee spill disaster. But between you and me, I’m suspecting cilantro poisoning.

Upcoming vegan events!
Like vegan cupcakes? Feeling judgy? Then sign up to be a judge for the 2nd Annual Vegan Cupcake Bake-off on May 22nd in Oakland. This will probably be the biggest field trip ever, so get those permission slips sorted out in advance.

Here’s an epic battle of the century that you won’t want to miss, organized by VegNews and Earth Island Journal. Cattle rancher-turned-vegan Howard Lyman and Niman Ranch co-founder Nicolette Niman will debate why or why not meat is a sustainable and ethical product. Tickets are $10 and will sell out quickly.

Miscellaneous items of significant social importance!
The Taser company funded a “study” that involved anesthetizing sheep, putting them on a methamphetamine IV drip, and then shocking them with Tasers—in order to test “the effects of Tasers on meth-addled targets.” But don’t worry, it didn’t cause the sheep any immediate heart problems!

Kelly Osborne has discovered the super-grossnosity of the U.S. meat industry, and in response has resolved to eat only “organic” meat.

Speaking of grossnosity, McDonald’s really, really doesn’t want to buy even 5 percent of its eggs for its U.S. stores from cage-free sources.

Mumbai now has an all-organic farmers market, which sells produce, cotton candy (YES PLEASE), “paint, paper, furniture, and cosmetics,” and prepared food like vegan quiche. Because we didn’t need enough reasons to visit India.

SFoodie has created a map to our fine city’s many seasonal farmers markets, where you can probably buy some wild leeks, a.k.a. ramps, which are this year’s fancy decorative green that non-professionals apparently don’t know what to do with. Or something.

The best baguette in Paris can be bought in Montmartre for less than two euro. But if you want to live forever, you had better forswear bread—and 50 percent of your body’s desired caloric intake—for the rest of that forever-life. The near-anorexics will rule us all, if very weakly.

Our local paper of record likes us; they really like us. SFGate started up a new vegan and vegetarian lifestyle section. We’re looking forward to more local coverage of veg issues, but we’re a bit less excited about the witty and insightful comments that we’re bound to get from the white-flight crowd that hangs out over there. Flame suits, on.

The Kitchn is on a vegan kick this week, with 10 Vegan Lunch Ideas. But breakfast is the most important meal of the day (especially if you eat breakfast food for lunch and dinner), so why not click through to their 10 Vegan Breakfast Ideas while you’re at it?

Killer whales kill (duh), unless you’re a dog. Then they’re like, “hop on my back, little friend, and I will take you on a magical tour of my sea kingdom.” But dogs aren’t safe if sharks are around so don’t forget a pair of “I’m With Orca” board shorts for your dog on beach walks.

Oh great. Almost everyone knows about the trash island the size of Texas floating in the Pacific, but did you know there are four others just like it? Check out photos from the North Atlantic Gyre courtesy of The 5 Gyres Project. I really can’t wait for a future of marine life evolved to eat a diet entirely of plastic.

WildCare brings us 15 seconds of how-can-I-exist-in-a-world-with-orphaned-ducklings tears in video form. Spring time means heavy rains and orphaned ducks in storm drains, so go sponsor some baby ducks, or the videos will keep getting sadder and shorter. No pressure.

The Winter Olympics are over, but how about a video of two dogs who may just win the gold in luge in 2014. 

Humans are smarter and better than animals at everything, except for all the things they do exactly the same as us. Researchers in Portugal discovered that rats can understand complex game theory, and successfully cooperate with each other or manipulate other players in the classic Prisoner’s Dilemma game scenario.

Trace residue of hexane in soy burgers may have been the big health scare news story of the week, so of course this USDA report about veterinary drugs, pesticides, and heavy metals in the meat supply will get just as much attention, right? (Right guys? Guys? Anyone?)

Here’s some vegan chocolate food porn from chef and food stylist Claire Thomas, along with some bonus food erotica from The Physiology of Taste, written in 1825, describing how hot chocolate would have been prepared (with water, no milk) at Versaille.

Vegan.com says that Michael Pollan is “dodging the discussion” with Jonathon Safran Foer over criticism in Eating Animals, but saying that “nobody is anti-meat enough for the animal-rights purists” reads more like fighting words than an outright dodge. Sounds to us like it’s time to settle this one in the Octagon.

And because cats are the best, we’ll leave you with a video news clip about the Agee Sanctuary near Sacramento, new home of feral cats recently rescued from a Chinatown housing project. Apparently they have their own Winston, not to be confused with fourfour’s Winston who just joined Twitter this week and has almost as many followers as us. It’s hard out there for a dino.

Overfishing, under-(cover)inspecting, producing better produce plates, arguing about Alice Waters and MORE in today’s link-o-rama!

Dolfapedia says, “They’re gonna make the dog ride the zip line because they need the coverage on Vegansaurus.” Doubt it! But if this happens someone better let us know so we can let you know and we can amass a zip line protest group ASAP. It’ll be the funnest protest ever (we will take over the zip line).

Fun-times vegan-style events!
The SF Green Festival is this weekend, Saturday and Sunday Apr. 10 and 11! And Alice Walker is speaking on Sunday at 4 p.m. Get your guide here.

The LGBT Army of Compassion will hold a peaceful demonstration against animal cruelty on Sunday, Apr. 28 from 9 to 11 a.m. at the Northeast corner of the Heart of the City Farmers Market at U.N. Plaza. Click here for further information.

Items of social and political import!
Kinship Circle has volunteers helping animal victims of the Chilean earthquake and could really use your donations.

Whoops, another environment overfished to the point of near-destruction! There’s a ban on fishing in the Sea of Galilee and no one can play “Jesus and Disciples” anymore.

Oceanic nightmares: photos from a Japanese whaling expedition. I am not going to look at them because I will cry, but have at them, you all with your stronger constitutions.

FDA inspections of food manufacturing plants are few, far-between, and essentially useless. Color me fucking shocked.

But big businesses are using their big dollars to fight for the closure of legal aid clinics, including that of the University of Maryland, which filed a lawsuit against Perdue in March, “the first effort in the state to hold a poultry company accountable for the environmental impact of its chicken suppliers.”

HSUS held its own undercover investigation of four factory farms owned by “two of the nation’s largest egg producers,” with undeniably horrifying results.

Aren’t these paper puppets adorable? They’re by artist Furze Chan and you can buy them at Little Paper Planes.

Madhur Jaffrey, author of the lovely World Vegetarian, says that the SF Bay Area has the best food in the world, particularly in the spring. I am not going to argue with you, ma’am.

This year’s first “positive side effect of global warming” is the super-low price of California and Florida strawberries. Fresh strawberries are SO GOOD, you guys, and remember, buy local and organic whenever possible because berry pesticides are nasty.

Six of the “seven essentials” of Alice Waters’ kitchen are applicable to vegans AND omnivores—imagine! We are of course not counting the business about getting children to help you, which is silly if you do not already have children in the kitchen. But did you know that everyone hates Alice Waters forever? She is the devil in a blue organic cotton apron.

We have an appreciate/desire-to-punch-in-the-face relationship with Slow Food Nation—roasting a piglet for two days is saving the planet how?—but declaring 2010 the “Year of the Heirloom Apple” and providing consumers with a fancy informational booklet all about that fruit earns them a mark in the “appreciate” column.

Another study shows that unless you are participating in a lot of activities that make you more likely to get cancer, eating produce won’t make you less likely to get cancer. Kind of. It’s complicated, which probably means the science is real.

Europe is tired of cupcakes! Hi, All of Europe, you probably just haven’t enjoyed enough vegan cupcakes, because duh they are the best and everyone loves them forever. Who wants to move to a Nordic country, open a vegan bakery, and eventually find nice citizens to marry? Totally awesome social services for life, plus near gender/class equality! I speak two European languages and am NOT AT ALL JOKING about this.

More Social Kitchen news: They have a brewer’s permit, and have scheduled a “soft opening” for Tuesday, Apr. 20. Plus: the menu will be split into thirds for omnivore, vegetarian, and vegan dishes. Party in the Sunset!

Jonathan Kauffman loooooooves Gracias Madre, he just loooooooves it. “Oh Gracias Madre, mi amor,” he says, “te amo, te amo mucho.” Or something like that anyway.

Maoz Vegetarian finally opened in Berkeley, hooray! Man that picture is making me really hungry.

Ezra Klein is mad as heck, and he is most likely not going to eat it anymore! What “it” is this? The ubiquitous, irritating, boring-ass grilled vegetable plate that totally doesn’t count as a “vegetarian entree,” gosh darn it. And Julian Sanchez totally concurs.

Here is a serious reason not to smoke, like, ever, as in not even when you’re drinking or stressed or sad or hanging out with other smokers or watching a lot of Mad Men, really for real never: the filters are made with pig’s blood.

Someone on Chowhound needs advice on vegetarian wedding menus. Anyone around here have any experience?

Wired explores foods/food-like substances/food-creation methods that are “changing the way we eat,” including pseudo-meat and aerosol pancake batter.

The Kitchn gives us 10 ideas for vegan breakfast, none of which includes aerosol pancakes.

What does “biodynamic” mean in relation to growing wine grapes? How does it compare to organic growing conventions? If you ever wondered when reading a wine list, this article may answer some of your questions. Maybe.

Regardless, I would rather drink a million bottles of mediocre, confusing, goddess-blessed biodynamic wine than one meat-infused cocktail, because BARF to the MAX. Why, god, why.

Philly Represents, by Megan Rascal.

La Victoria Bakery has Wholesome Bakery Treats!

La Victoria is now selling daily deliciousness from Wholesome Bakery (which will open a retail location in Bernal Heights in April!! Vegan bakeries, MAKING IT HAPPEN!)! This includes stuff like CHOCOLATE TUXEDO CUPCAKES and CARROT CAKE CUPCAKES. Vegan cupcakes DO IT TO ME ONE MORE TIME. 

I had this super-weird dream last night that I was sitting in the front room of my apartment eating a delicious cupcake from a new bakery in the Mission when a bullet flew through my front window and lodged in my shoulder. I did not stop eating. Anyway, point is, pretty sure I’m gonna get shot through the shoulder pretty soon because I’ll be eating those cupcakes on the regular. Or maybe I just have some unresolved food issues/should move out of the Mission. THERAPY! WHAT’S THAT! WHO’S HE!? 

Awesome art, crazy-ass email, superlative videos, puppy birthday AND MORE in this week’s link-o-rama!

Hey, let’s wish happy birthday to my parents’ dog, Oliver, who turns three big years old today! Oliver (at left, shown here with his older brother, Beauregard) works as a therapy dog, has a charmingly insouciant underbite, and wants to be your bestest friend. Happy birthday, little fellow!

Fun times vegan-style events!
The Out of Place art show at SPACE Gallery (1141 Polk St. at Hemlock Street) tonight, Friday Mar. 12, features your Vegansaur Jonas! It costs $3 and runs from 8 to midnight, and will be catered by Black Orchid Bakery. Is there enough culture in your life? Probably not, you philistine, so get over there and appreciate some damn art.

On Saturday, Mar. 13, you can attend “The Nutrition Prescription” lecture by Donald Forrester, M.D., presented by the San Francisco Vegetarian Society, at the Institute of Aging at 3600 Geary Blvd. (between Arguello Boulevard and Palm Avenue). The lecture begins at 8 p.m. and costs $10, or participate in the veg potluck at 6:30 p.m. and pay just $2. Contact the SFVS for further information.

Late update: The LGBT Army of Compassion will hold a demonstration against animal cruelty on Sunday, Mar. 14 from 8 to 9 a.m. in the northeast corner of the Heart of the City Farmers Market (UN Plaza) in San Francisco. Brochures (such as this pdf) and signs will be provided. For further information, contact the LGBT AC.

Washington, D.C., home of scrumptious vegan baked goods and now Hush Supperclub, a vegetarian Indian “underground restaurant” that sounds amazing.

Items of social and political import!
Phil Bronstein isn’t sure about the ethics of an animal abuse registry when animal abuse is condoned every day in our kitchens and laboratories.

The ethics of zoos come again under scrutiny as the three polar bears who live in San Francisco get older and become more difficult and expensive to “keep.”

Switzerland denies animals dedicated legal counsel. Apparently Swiss animal protection laws are ” among the strictest rules anywhere,” but proponents don’t think they’re enforced enough to matter. Keep trying, Switzerland.

Stop, video time! It’s JSF on Ellen’s Thursday, Mar. 11 show! [note: if you can’t see the video, please visit the link-o-rama at Vegansaurus.com!]

Oh, does someone think s/he invented the Elvis cupcake? Sorry, vegans have been doing it for four years, now.

OK Canada, for most of the items on this list of “10 foods of the future,” you’re cool again. Or at least acceptable (we don’t go in for that “non-traditional fish” or “new fabricated cuts of meat” nonsense).

Probably better that you eat Canadian meat, anyway (if you’re going to eat DEATH and all) as the U.S. is one of the top-five” least safe food producers in the world, along with China, Turkey, Iran, and Spain. I am SO PROUD.

Seriously, Walnuts? “Vote McCain, because BACON!” You nasty.

OK, Bob Barker has always been a total sleazy lecher, but his love for animals is pure and true: he just gave $2.5 million to renovate a building on Sunset Boulevard in L.A. for PETA—it’ll be called the Bob Barker Building, natch.

Beloved blog Sociological Images present maps that illustrate where animals for food and crops for food are grown in the U.S. Fruits, nuts and vegetables and chickens come from California!

That milk that makes you roll your eyes every time you open the fridge because ew is from California, too, right? Maybe not! Make your friends and relations find out where their dairy products originate at where is my milk from (also useful for soy milks).

Read the first article from The Awl’s vegetarian columnist, Jaime Green! It’s about visiting a Manhattan farmers market in the winter.

If little Oliver weren’t too stubborn/dumb(?) to play any version of “fetch” (because “fetch” does NOT mean “I throw the ball and you chase after it and hide it”), I would have definitely gotten him this for his birthday. [link and photo from Pawesome!]

Food & Wine magazine is shocked to find Berliners eating vegetarian food, as opposed to “Wiener Schnitzel and Currywurst.” Being very well traveled vegans, we are not.

Did you know that East Asian people eat CATS and DOGS? How SAVAGE!! The Chinese government is at present “considering legislation” to ban eating these particular animals, which is probably good considering how awful their living conditions are prior to slaughter. It of course does NOTHING for the rest of the animals raised for consumption in China, but as long as our precious puppies and kitties are protected, we can all sleep at night, right?

Holy Mary in a handbag, have you read this insanator email from an anti-The Cove wacko to Rich FourFour? It is the craziest best: “The humans being protecting wolfs(the whales / dolphins)is the devil! Devil! Devil! Devil! Destroy the devil for protect the human fish! The shark is a friend of the fish. The shark eats only the fish that dead / was damaged.”

Despite the horrors of whaling, Slate, however, wants you to know just what dead whale meat tastes like—and did you know that “many schools of Buddhism favor eating whales”? SEE, IT’S OK BECAUSE THOSE HIPPIE WEIRDOS SAY SO.

How about another photo? Party penguin has stripped off his dress whites and is ready to get down! [Photo via Andrew Evans of National Geographic]

Delightful Ruben Studdard went vegetarian 18 months ago, switched to a vegan diet six months ago, and lost 100 pounds! Man, when I went vegan for keeps I lost like zero pounds, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME, AMERICA, WHY DO I STILL HAVE FLESH ON MY VEGAN BONES?? Seriously, we’re super-happy for you, Ruben, keep living your wonderful, cruelty-free life.

DYING OF AWESOME: this amazing retort to Abby’s “Vegan Boys Are the Worst” called “Vegan Boys Are the Best,” complete with KAZOO SOLO, by Brownbird Rudy Relic of SuperVegan!

Your Friday Plans: Out of Place art show!

There is still time for you to fit this into your social schedule: there is going to be a pretty awesome art show at SPACE gallery (that’s right next to the Hemlock, on Polk St.) tonight from 8 p.m. to midnight. Nine decently awesome artists are showing work—including me (but I’m indecently awesome)!

The door fee is a paltry $3, which for the first 25 people gets them a bag of goodies. There will also be vegan pastries from Black Orchid Bakery (which we’ve been dying to try for a while now!), some DJ, and a live art battle (not entirely sure how that’s going to go down, but I think it’ll be cool)! 

Complete info at Paper Hat Productions and the Facebook event page.