V-Day Dance: The V stands for VEGAN!!!!  »

I don’t mean to be the resident pessimist here, but Valentine’s Day is just one of those holidays that has the tendency to be a total bummer. And I’m not just talking about the hopelessly in-love couples with the cliched, sickening, we-met-at-Dolores-Park-because-I-was-wearing-my-new-ultra-gaudy-neon-American-Apparel-leggings-and-matching-scrunchie-when-he-rode-by-on-his-fixie-and-it-was-love-at-first-sight story who make the rest of us feel like shit for being alone. I mean, that’s just one aspect of it. But then take, say, the pounds and pounds of pink-and-red-foil-wrapped, heart-shaped chocolate on display at your local grocery store. Yeah, can’t eat it. And that’s just for starters.

So for those of you looking for something to do that weekend, well, why not a Valentine’s Day DANCE?! Yeah, sure, it’s totally kitschy and might stir up some long-repressed and entirely unwanted memories of adolescent dances and all the awkwardness that accompanied them, but seriously, what else are you going to do (aside from camping out on the couch and watching Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks movies while pigging out on Oreos and vegan ice cream and feeling sorry for yourself)??!!!?! BESIDES, IT’S FOR A GOOD CAUSE.

Included in the price of your ticket are all sorts of vegan treats—there will be hors d’oeuvres and desserts—including baked goods from Vegansaurus friends Sugar Beat Sweets and Fat Bottom Bakery!!—and raffle tickets and goody bags. Plus, two single vegans will be auctioned off for dates, and they’re pretty cute (check out the website for pictures and details, and please direct all comments on how cute the cat in the picture with Brian is to me because he’s MINE [the cat, not Brian]). Plus, there’s dancing, and music, and if you haven’t seen me dance, you’re missing out because I pretty much own you all on the dance floor. OH, AND DID I MENTION?! OPEN BAR. That’s right. And if you’re not yet 21, no worries, because you can just give all your free alcohol to me. PROBLEM SOLVED.

So here comes the rough part—it’s a $50 price tag for this event. BUT,¬†proceeds from the event will benefit Vegan Outreach so if it turns out to be a total bust, at least you can feel good about yourself for being altruistic or something.

And lucky for you, Vegan Outreach is giving away a pair of tickets to this dance for you and a guest of your choosing, be it your significant other, a hot date, a blind date, your best friend, your little sister, your dog/cat/hamster, or me (HEY GUYS, I’M SINGLE SLASH AWESOME). All you have to do is share the best surprise you’ve given or received on Valentine’s Day or some other special momentous day, and if your story is picked, you get in free. You can do that on the Facebook page for the event.

And just a tip: If your life is full of completely boring, unromantic moments like mine, just lie, because seriously, no one will know the difference.

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