Hunting chic: fall ‘10 is all about wild pigs  »

A roving pack of 15 feral hogs have dared to venture onto a private golf course in Clayton, Calif. and will now pay for their impiety with their lives. See, normally the pigs live in the foothills of Mt. Diablo, but thanks to this wretchedly long summer, there isn’t any pig-food in the foothills of Mt. Diablo, so they were forced to look for delicious, nourishing grubs elsewhere—like moist, healthy soil, where grubs thrive. And where on Earth, come heat or drought or acid rain, will one always and forever find moist, healthy soil? On private golf courses, duh. Club members pay big money to bogart all that water.

Unfortunately for everyone involved, grubs don’t live atop the green, but in the soil beneath it, requiring a feral hog to dig and dig to find enough grubs to fill its hoggy belly. But for the Oakhurst Country Club, this will not do. How can they play golf on a pig-ruined course? It’s impossible! They are massive, these feral hogs, and completely bold; they dig under fences and fear no man. One might note that, in their search for food so as to avoid starving to death, hogs put “eating” ahead of “golf course green maintenance” on their list of priorities, but they are causing “thousands of dollars in damage to the golf course,” leaving Oakhurst no choice but to apply for a Wild Pig Depredation Permit from the state Department of Fish and Game, which was approved just this week Tuesday. Ooh, even better: while the regular depredation permit only allows trapping the wild pigs, or shooting them with a bow and arrow, the Clayton Police Department has made an exception and allowed the hunter Oakhurst hired to use a real gun! Awesome! Those 15 starving marauders will be dead sooner than you can say “bloodthirsty lunatics!”

Sound familiar? Yes, it is reminiscent of Hog Out Month in Texas, though this killing spree is limited to one hunter and one area—no, wait, wait: “[Clayton] also has a permit to kill an unlimited number of wild pigs that have been destroying the city’s sports complex”! Does a relative of the great Todd Staples live in Clayton? Someone in the East Bay must really hate feral hogs, or looooove shooting things, because this little town is about to have a massacre. Thank the Lord, the golf course will be safe again.

[Hawaiian wild pigs photo by Flickr user Stacy Lynn Baum]

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