To do: 1) Save 300 bears; 2) Start bear army!  »

Say it with me: BEARS RULE! Sadly, they’re always getting punished for, you know, being bears. The California Fish and Game Commission votes soon on expanding black bear hunting, but the silver lining to perpetuate bear awesomeness is that three out of four California citizens oppose it.

To get you amped up: Black bears are the smallest bears in North America. They power through bee stings for honey, swim for pleasure, and can make more than 20 sounds in eight different contexts to communicate. Also, black bears hardly attack humans, which is probably why the teddy bear was modeled after this breed (awwwww).

This expansion would increase the bear-hunting quota (there is a quota for how many bears must be killed in a year?!) from 1,700 to 2,000 bears. THREE HUNDRED MORE BEARS, people, being murdered by packs of dogs. That’s enough to start a bear army. I have a few choice words for the 17 percent of Californians who are assholes and support the increase: Majority (should) rule!

Here in California, we like to think we’ve got a leg up on civilized behavior. Why, then, are we one of only 18 states that still allow packs of dogs to chase the poor bears? This puts not just the bears, not just the dogs, but the entire forest at risk of serious harm.

So yeah, oppose that shit. Spam the hell out of your congressperson’s and the DFG's mailboxes; make 'em listen to their constituents. Then come with me, and we'll conquer the world with our bear army. Cuddle at your own risk.

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