Apatosaurus lands a triple axel in Denver’s City Park! Just watch this; it’ll be the cutest 30 seconds of your day, I swear! This is why computers were invented, I think: to make movies of ice-skating dinosaurs. Yay!
This year for Vegan MoFo we’re doing some pretty magical shit. Well, not really, but it’s still great because it’s Vegan MoFo and everything is great during Vegan MoFo. It vegan blogger’s Christmas and Hanukkah and Kwanzaa and Festivus all wrapped up into one big crazy package of delicious. If you haven’t seen all the vegan blogs participating yet, check out the definitive list. GODDAMN IS RIGHT.
This year, Vegansaurus is going to share with you a daily quick and easy vegan meal or snack or dessert that one of us recently made. And hopefully a recipe, too! This is good for many reasons, because while one of us is a professional pastry chef, the rest of us are gigantic dumb-dumbs in the kitchen. I kid, we’re all really excellent cooks, I just said that to make you feel more comfortable. I’ve got that holiday spirit!
Without further ado, our inaugural recipe is for Pink Dino Sugar Cookies, the perfect gift for every occasion!* I made these for Tomato Tart’s online bakesale for Japan and they were a major hit, in that I had to make several batches before we could stop eating them and actually put some in the mail. Practice makes perfect!
I used the Just Like Granny B’s Sugar Cookies recipe on VegWeb, with a few slight alterations as follows. The pink sprinkles I got from a local cake-decorating shop (yeah, cake-decorating shops exist! Remember 2005? Everyone was rich and happy and buying big-ass houses and opening specialty shoppes? These sprinkles are from that glorious time!) and the cookie cutters I’ve had forever because dinosaurs are fucking amazing. THEY LIVED ON THE EARTH JUST LIKE US. So crazy.
1/2 cup Earth Balance
2/3 cup organic sugar
3 Tbsp. extra firm silken tofu, mashed
1 tsp. vanilla
1 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt
Preheat oven to 350 degrees AMERICAN. Cream E.B. and sugar for about five minutes, until fluffy. Add mashed tofu and vanilla. Mix well.
Sift the flour, baking powder, and salt into the mixture.
Roll out the dough and use dino cookie cutters (Important: cookie cutters in shapes other than dinos will RUIN the cookies) to cut adorable dinosaurs. You want the dough to be almost the thickness you want your cookie, because these don’t spread much.
Bake for around 10 minutes.
*Goes perfectly with our SEXY SHIRTS! Dino cookies + dino shirts = THE SEXIEST!
Check out the adorable dino cupcake that Jessica at Bake the Day made! How adorable is that!? And more importantly, delicious! I’ll marry her and that damn cupcake, even if I have to move to Hawaii to do it! Especially if I have to move to Hawaii to do it! Actually, that might be my new game plan.
I made them long before the East Coast had its great blackout recently with Hurricane Irene and sadly I had to throw out a few when our electric stopped the fridge [Ed.: NOOOO!!!]. They are a vanilla cupcake with a chocolate cookie crumb bottom and a ganache center, with vanilla buttercream and specks of colored sugar throughout, and a chocolate dino chilling out on top. Everything is homemade, and the cupcake was supposed to be grass, soil, and magma center, respectively. Hope you enjoy it!
Um, we do. WE DO.
Dear YOU GUYS!,
You gotta bid on me! For real, I mean it this time. I am showering dozens of PINK DINO COOKIES into the open mouth of my winning bidder in The Tomato Tart’s online one day only vegan bakesale for Japan.
Seriously, I have this terrible feeling that nobody has bid on my cookies (hot) and if that happens, I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL SHUT DOWN THIS FUCKING BLOG. Unless you’d like that! And then fuck it, I’ll never shut up/keep things business as usual! So, please! Bid on the cutest pink dino cookies you ever saw! And perhaps a pair of my old underwear WHO SAID THAT?
And there’s lots of other vegan stuff to bid on too, if you’re a total traitor.
Oh and if you bid $250, then we totally win because the auction will be all, BAM! You bought it NOW! Both you and Vegansaurus are THE BEST. Let’s all make out!
P.S. To give you an idea of how awesome these cookies will be, that is a psychedelic cupcake I once made. Now, imagine that cupcake was a million times fresher. THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE GETTING.
Online bakesale for Japan! Bid on dino cookies from Vegansaurus! »
You guys! I am participating in a blogger bakesale for Japan! You read right. This means I will be shipping many cookies to one lucky winner. The Tomato Tart (we love her!) is hosting the sale, and all bidding will take place on that site on Wednesday, Mar. 30. So, uh, you all gotta bid on my cookies. Actual cookies, not my boobs… is that slang for boobs? or maybe it’s vagina? Either way, you’re not winning those UNLESS THE PRICE IS RIGHT EMAIL ME.
What I’m auctioning off is a couple dozen vegan cookies of various flavors that will all be shaped like dinosaurs. They may be pink, if I can figure out science by then. Either way, they will look like Hell Yeah It’s Vegan’s dino pizza, just smaller and made with cookies:
Yum! See you tramps there!
Hello, friends! It’s WTF Wednesday! »
You guys, it’s been a rough couple of weeks. Between having to finish my last-ever (and incidentally most comprehensive) presentation for school and cracking a filling because I was chewing gum too hard, I have been barely able to stand. Then as soon as I was a little bit less overwhelmed, I started running a fever. Isn’t that just the worst? I mean I appreciate that my body is a complex and sophisticated system that recognizes when it is safer for me to turn the stress I have been feeling into an amazing bout with the flu/cold/plague, but it doesn’t really do anything to make me feel better. As soon as I’m done getting gray hair from every single project I have to do and think that I can settle in for some serious knitting/a Golden Girls marathon, my body turns against me and makes it so that I am either too hot or too cold or that my muscles get so sore that I can’t sit in one place for a long period of time. This is war! Fortunately for my body, the only way I know how to go to war on it is by consuming large amounts of Parma, which I put on everything (to Allen’s extreme chagrin, because he is delusional and does not enjoy it!), and swigging bottle after bottle of ginger ale. “Man,” you must be thinking, “Mark is pretty sick so he is probably not going to take us on a tour of horrors that he has found on the internet.” WRONG! I am miserable, so you will be miserable. Buckle in and let’s see what horrible things are happening this week.
Modern science has discovered that animals, specifically chickens, can feel pain. I did not realize that this needed scientific testing, but I suppose not everyone is as trusting as I am. Not only can chickens feel pain, but they can show empathy for the pain of other chickens. NO DOY, but good for you, science. Because I am trusting, I am going to imagine that these experiments were mostly harmless and that the chickens have now been found wonderful sanctuary homes. What I am less than pleased with is that since this news has come out, people have been showing how awesome it is to write cruel things on the internet.
What is it with people? I mean, as soon as you write anything about animals feeling pain they come out to talk about how delicious the animals are or leave comments like “I am going to have a chicken bacon sandwich later today. UMAD?” Just google anything about “chickens feeling pain” and you will find that the comments run from the classic “Humans are meant to eat meat!” to the perplexing “If I can’t have meat, what am I going to eat?” to the sensitive “Chickens feeling pain just makes them more delicious.” I don’t get it. It’s not like the news of the study says “DO NOT EAT CHICKEN!” but many people seem to immediately see anything that describes of evidence of animals feeling pain to a direct attack on their precious need to murder and swallow animals that are not human/adorable. Why? If you’re going to get that angry about an article like this, then perhaps you should check out your own food and guilt issues. In addition, I would suggest you not fuck with chickens because they are related to the T. Rex, and the T. Rex used to fuck some shit up, OK?
The next two stories come to us from Tim, who sends me links all the time, and who I presume is incredibly handsome and intelligent. In fact, he’s even got Allen jealous. Allen never sends me links. Anyway, the theme here is: PEOPLE SUCK. A LOT. Consider this: Dozens of sick and dead animals were found in the condemned home of an elderly disabled woman living in Long Island. There’s no mention of how authorities found out about what was going on (I imagine the condemned part had a lot to do with it), but the house was filthy, malodorous, and stuffed with suffering animals. Here’s my question, though: This woman is elderly, disabled, and living in a condemned house. Why was no one checking on her? I get that what she did was horrible, but people don’t hoard animals for fun, it is a psychological illness. I am outraged at the fact that there are dead and suffering animals, of course, but why are the authorities choosing to charge (and possibly jail) this woman as well as make her pay for the clean-up. If she is elderly, disabled, and living in a condemned home, I highly doubt that she is going to be able to come up with the cash. What are we going to do then? Force her to take a job or pay it off in jail? I just wish that we would look at this on a larger level and start thinking about prevention as opposed to punishment. What kind of group could be formed to assist people in such situations? Perhaps an animal rights organization could start a project that included home visits? I’m the first person to want repercussions, but this woman isn’t Michael Vick, and she certainly isn’t Montana Governor Brian Schweitzer.
Brian Schweitzer, you may be thinking, who is he? Well wonder, no more. This charmer wants to go against the Endangered Species Act and shoot whole packs of wolves in order to help citizens, “to protect their property and to continue to enjoy Montana’s cherished wildlife heritage and traditions.” I apologize for being dense, but aren’t wolves wildlife? How would shooting the wildlife help Montana’s citizens enjoy the wildlife? It seems really counter-intuitive to me. You can’t really enjoy wildlife if the wildlife is actually just the corpses of said wildlife. I dislike Brian Schweitzer for many reasons, and one of them is definitely the fact that I have just used the word wildlife about a million times. Another is that he wants to kill the wolves that eat elk because they are taking the elk (which they are eating for SURVIVAL REASONS) from the hunters who would otherwise be shooting them. How does this even make sense? How is this person in any position of power? Can anyone answer these questions?
That’s it for me. I’m going back to bed and see if I can sleep this cold/flu/plague off. Send me links for next week and have a happy Wednesday!