vegansaurus!

O, link-o-rama! O, link-o-rama! Animaux, activités, de Friday jusqu’à Monday, il y a tout ce que vous voulez dans le link-o-rama!

We’re all ’60s-crazy over here, maybe you can tell? Mad Men is nigh (!!!) and we’ve got the silliest songs stuck in our heads, and here comes this amazing Airstream camper for your little dog to perfect our little fantasies. [Straight Line Designs via Pawesome]

Que faites-vous ce weekend?
Tonight is Vegan Happy Hour and potluck, hosted by Mr. Vegansaur Jordan at the Hemlock Tavern from 6 to 9. Be there, or have less fun in your life.

On Sunday afternoon, take a tour of the trees in and around Dolores Park with Chris of Mr. Prune Tree Care. The tour will be in English and Spanish, and run about two hours. Meet at the J stop at Church and 18th Streets at 11 a.m. [thanks for the tip, Mission Mission!]

Hands-On Gourmet is hosting an All-American BBQ workshop on Monday, July 12 to teach you how to make the best animal-free, gluten-free barbecue meal ever. Dishes will include burger buns, patties, potato salad, strawberry shortcake, and ice cream! Gluten-free beer will be available for tasting—attendees must be 12 or older. The workshop runs from 6 to 9 p.m. at the H.O.G. Kitchen at 2325 3rd St., No. 330; tickets cost $75. Please contact Joshua with any questions.

Wholesome Bakery, in conjunction with Ritual Coffee, will lead cookie and cupcake workshops at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts (701 Mission St. at 3rd Street) as part of this summer’s Taste! program. There’s a coffee workshop (duh), too, and an art project called The Ministry of Approximate Travel by local artist Jenny Odell. Every Thursday in July in the Grand Lobby from 6 to 8 p.m. I’d say visit the YBCA’s website for more information, but as of today they actually have no information about it, so.

Voudriez-vous quelque chose à lire?

Anti-bullfighting activists protest in San Fermín, Spain. If you read Spanish, this article might prove interesting. [photo via AnimaNaturalis]

People treat animals really poorly, did you know? In Dublin (Calif., not Ireland), some assholes stole a penguin from the zoo, then abandoned her on a fucking sidewalk. HILARIOUS PRANK, guys! Ooh, the new gourmet food is lionfish, because it’s a super-destructive invasive species, wreaking havoc all over the Gulf of Mexico, into the Caribbean, and moving down into South American waters, and “humans are the only predator that can wipe it out.” But how did the lionfish, a native of the western Pacific Ocean, get to the other side of the world? Oh, well, see, people in South Florida who kept them in fishtanks in the ’80s started dumping the fish in the ocean! The wrong ocean! Whoops! And the lionfish figured out how to thrive, and now it’s fucking shit up for coral reefs all over the place. SO LET’S EAT THEM UP TO RECTIFY OUR MISTAKES. Humanity at its best.

Or no, humanity is at its best when it keeps monkeys for research, and the monkeys, because they’re miserable in captivity and hate being experimented on, figure out a genius method of escape, but don’t want to leave all their monkey pals behind, so are “lured back into captivity by scientists armed with peanuts.” I am so proud to be a human right now! BACK BEHIND THE ELECTRIC FENCE, WE MUST CONDUCT MORE TERRIFYING EXPERIMENTS ON YOU, PRIMATE.

People are also totally nasty. KFC makes its buckets from trees in North Carolina’s Green Swamp, which for some reason (money) isn’t protected land, but should be, except (money) KFC is clear-cutting it for fucking buckets. Thanks, government! And thanks, Western “junk food”—you know, your franchises of animal-products-in-everything, plus corn syrup—for giving 15 percent of men and 16 percent of women in Southeast Asia type 2 diabetes! Capitalism, you guys, it’s the best. Free market forever. In San Francisco you won’t be able to buy full-sugar sodas or waters in vending machines on city property anymore, but milk—both dairy and non-dairy!!—will be available. Calories are not all the same, you know—better to get some from protein and fat in soy milk than all from HFCS in a soda, yes? YES.

Deep Roots Animal Sanctuary needs your help to build a coop for their chicken, Mabel, and the chickens they hope to rescue in the future! The coop will be environmentally friendly, Mabel will have friends, and Deep Roots can save more birds. Birds are amazing, did you know? Robins can actually see magnetic fields, which helps them orient themselves. [link via The Telling Compulsion].

Kevin the kestrel is an amazing patient of St. Tiggywinkles [sic] wildlife hospital in Buckinghamshire, England! Someone found him on the ground with a broken leg, and the St. Tiggywinkles staff set it with “a hypodermic needle as a pin, some thin pieces of wire and dental cement.” We wish you a quick and happy recovery, Kevin!

So the president is all, Hey you congressjerks should pass the Food Safety and Modernization Act, it is Srs Bsns. And farmers are getting up on the Facebooks and Twitters, all, We’re safe and good and not harmful of the cows etc., don’t listen to Mercy for Animals, those guys are mean and biased. And I say, I am mean and biased, NO SYMPATHY.

Let’s look at restaurant reviews in the Chronicle! This week, Michael Bauer takes in the “modern neighborhood feel” of Encuentro, and what do you know, his take is very similar to our own Brianna’s! To wit: pretty all right, but could use some improvements. Lucky Oakland with its new restaurants. Lucky SFO, next, getting fancy-pants food from Napa Farms Market in Terminal 2 when it opens in March 2011.

Have you read about the Marines who rescued kittens in Afghanistan? I suppose it means people aren’t 100 percent terrible 100 percent of the time, and it’s nice to see some small acts of kindness in a world of enormous cruelty. Right? Sure.

Invest in a vegan future, for real this time

Hey vegans with dollars! Remember when Mission Street Food refused our investment money (or more accurately, refused our money in that “we’ll take your money but not give you any say in the business even though that’s how investment works in the real world”)? Well now’s your chance to put it to use, albeit on a smaller scale. Dolores Park vegan food truck Sunny Vibrations is looking for an investment of $5,000 to hire a new employee and prepare for the warm weather onslaught of hungry Speedo sunbathers/outdoor medical marijuana users. Same deal as before: either buy a $500 share in exchange for future profits, or put up the whole $5,000 for extra bragging rights. Sunny Vibrations has also started serving up Dragon Lines Tempeh, so they’re not just committed to vegan food; they’re also keeping it local whenever they can.

Speaking of awesome food trucks and how we need way more of them, San Francisco City Supervisor Bevan Dufty is calling for a hearing on the rules and permitting process for street food vendors. It will be open to the public on Monday, Mar. 8 so make sure to come down and tell your side of it. Otherwise, NIMBYs will flood the meeting and complain about how we need to shut down small businesses serving vegan food because there were too many people standing on the sidewalk last Sunday, or whatever. One of biggest problems for small business owners is the expense and the complexity of the permitting process. It’s the same problem that’s been plaguing Curry Up Now’s new San Francisco truck, which promises a new vegan menu when it opens but is now over two months behind schedule. So show up to the hearing and get civic, already! If I don’t get a samosa in me, there’s going to be hell to pay.

New Vegan Food Truck on Dolores Park: Sunny Vibrations

Oh snap, a new food truck called Sunny Vibrations just had their grand opening today on Dolores Park, parked at 20th between Dolores and Church. And it’s GOOD and vegan, and the prices are reasonable. If you’re like me and live or work nearby, or if you’re a sunny day Dolores beach tourist, then this is the elusive five dollar lunch you’ve been searching for. They’re serving Tofurkey sausages, homemade chili, smoothies, juices, Uncle Eddies cookies, various salads, lentil soup, and oh god, the fried plantains with garlic, I want to give you so many Christian side hugs and maybe sneak in a few sinful front hugs when no one’s looking.

And they seem to be doing it right. The owner, Craig Gold, is vegan himself, and he says he’s just cooking the food he likes to eat. The truck is powered with rooftop solar panels, he buys organic produce whenever it’s affordable, and instead of wrapping up all the food in disposable materials, you can leave a small deposit and he’ll lend you a spoon and a bowl or a plate (which I hope he can keep up because the park trash bins are already overflowing). Oh and did I mention the fried plantains with garlic? fuuuccccccck.

Anyway go soon and become a favored regular now, because it’s only a matter of time until it’s you vs the twenty deep line.

Food Carts with Vegan Options!

These popping-up-everywhere food carts are awesome and we vegans want a piece of that sweet curry/soup/cookie/shaved ice ass. Here are the carts that we’ve sussed/are sussing out for vegan options. If you know of any other carts that cater to vegans, please let us know!! We’re willing to update constantly in the name of hungry vegans everywhere. Or at least in San Francisco.

This Friday (5 June), Sexy Soup Lady will be somewhere in the Mission. She SHOULD be “at the dead end of Linda Street off 19th Street between Valencia & Guerrero Streets,” where a lot of the food carts congregate—but we’re not positive!!—serving up a soup that we believe to be vegan! Apparently she’s thinking Carrot Ginger Coconut. YES, PLEASE!

Just found out from our friends at Mission Mission that Bike Basket Pies is the newest face in food carts! And what a delicious face it is! The proprietor wasn’t able to secure Earth Balance last weekend (and rightfully didn’t gross everyone out by using disgusting margarine!) but next time, it’s VEGANSAURUS TO THE RESCUE! Seriously, we’re working for you fools over here.

SF Moo Moo Cakes just started as of TODAY! Nothing vegan yet but it’s in the works! Shit, we’re being SO AMAZING today, right!? Any flavor suggestions for them??

Thai Shaved Ice was spotted in Dolores Park this weekend, but you have to stay tuned to their twitter to find out where they’ll be serving up this amazing stuff next.

Magic Curry Kart always has one vegan option on hand, made with tofu and vegetarian Vietnamese “fish” sauce! I want some of that magical curry so bad right now and all I have is this stupid apple. RIDICULOUS.

Amuse Bouche SF might also have some vegan stuff. They definitely have vegetarian options (hooray!) but we’re emailing/twittering/smoke-signaling to find out and will report back our findings soon!

I think the moral of this whole story is that you have to be on twitter to find out where all the good street food eats of the world are, so if you’re not on yet, GIVE IN. It wasn’t cute when you waited five years to get a cell phone either [Ed.: MEAVE]. And while you’re at it, follow Vegansaurus too! We give away shit on our twitter sometimes so there’s extra incentive. Actually, that’s a lie but we’ll start now. Maybe. SELF-PROMOTION IS COSTLY AND EXHAUSTING.

Delfina!

I wrote this review of Delfina awhile ago on the Yelp site but I will just publish it here now. Fuck Yelp. I kid, that site is great. I’ll probably update it later but not now, I have about 60 emails to respond to and a million things to do in the hour I get to be on the internet today. Fuck me sideways.

Everyone sit down, Mama has some news.  I went on a date tonight.  That’s right…I’m not sure if you are ready to let your little Laura fly away into coupledom during which time Yelp will become the red-headed step child I am ashamed of and lock in the basement and occassionally beat.  This time, next week, I’ll most likely be engaged to be married.  Unless I’m really not.  Which brings me the actual date.  Here is how the big D went down and I can be 100% honest because I’m like 90% sure this fool is way too cool for school/Yelp.  We met through a mutual friend and he emailed me to ask me to have coffee (GAY) and talk about how the world is fucked.  I, of course, am amenable on the world being fucked front and so I said, how about you buy me dinner (as I am poor AND fat!  some might call me a double threat!) and you have yourself a deal, sir!  and by deal, i of course mean, easy lay.    

Delfina is the ultimate first date place, according to yelpers, zagats, chowhound, my parents and that homeless dude who soft shoe(lesse)s in front of Tartine.  So, I didn’t make the plans but when he suggested Delfina I was like, “PREDICTABLE.  SNOOZE.”  but again, beggars can’t be choosers and I’ve always had a delicious time at Delfina so Delfina it is!  Now, the food was great and the conversation so-so-meh but I have one huge problem with this place and that is this:  the waitresses are freaking Goddesses.  I’m not trying to have a first date at some place where I look like I have down’s syndrome in comparison to these beautiful sirens.  I felt like fucking Beauty and The Beast up in that bitch.  Not cool.  Seriously, first date place, Yelp?  First date if you want your prospective husband to go home and jerk it to the chick who served you Pasta Putanesca!  I mean, for realz. I cry, “uncle” to Delfina.  I cannot win in a situation like this.  You know what a perfect first date place is?  McDonald’s.  And here’s why: They employ actual retards.  It’s part of the leg up program or whatever it’s called which is just darling and I love it AND you can’t help but seem attractive and semi-sane in comparison with the differently abled.  It’s win/win, people!  Man, fools at McDonald’s are having awesome dates and I’m over here at Delfina’s trying to feign interest in what this jackass across from me is blathering on about and it’s damn hard when i want to beat a bitch down based solely on her unholy good looks.  I want to beat her and then make out with her, GOD HELP ME.  When I decided I wanted to make out with the waitress more than i wanted to make out with hipster mc useless start-up across the table, I knew this was not MTB (look it up, people.  we were all teenage girls once.  for some of the women on this site, it was mere weeks ago.)  The other clue that this was not the man for me was at this moment in our conversation:

Date Boy:  God, it’s such a beautiful day today, don’t you think?  And you know what day it is, right?  The first day of spring!

Laura B.: GAY!

Anyway, Delfina.  Delicious and a few vegan options (and the kitchen is very accommodating…upon learning i am vegan, the chef made me spaghetti with all sorts of delightful vegetables in it including my favorite, artichoke hearts! i love those little suckers!  The fries are always amazing…thin and crispy with herbs and salt…POIFECT!) but awful, terrible first date place.  Actually, I’m sure it would be fine if you had a healthy self esteem and sense of your own worth.  Which i’m assuming you don’t as you are a woman.  Even if you are a man who reads my reviews, you are a woman and this world can often be hard on the thinking, feeling lady.  Now, come tell Mama your problems, it looks like she might not be going anywhere for a long, long time.  

I really hope this dude doesn’t read this.

UPDATES FOR VEGANSAURUS:

Well, I now have a super great boyfriend so that has changed*. And Delfina remains a solid choice when you want a plate of no-frills pasta in a semi-fancy environment. You won’t find tons of choices for vegans but sometimes you just want really good spaghetti with plum tomatoes, garlic and extra virgin olive oil. Also, there is an attached pizza place where the crust is vegan so you can get a cheeseless pizza there too. You can also sit out front with your dog. But if you’re gonna do that, just go to nearby Beretta for just as delicious pizza with the options of vegan cheese and vegan sausage AND THEY ALSO HAVE ABSINTHE. Decision made!

*But I’m still not going anywhere, suckas!

Bi-Rite Creamery!

Bi-Rite Creamery is so fucking good that I ate here twice the other day. I got one scoop (delicious raspberry soy cream. they always have one and sometimes two flavors of soy cream, in addition to a few sorbets and AMAZING popsicles in flavors such as pineapple mint and satsuma tangerine) and ate it on my walk home, got home, took off my pants (don’t ask), was like, “Fuck it. I’ve had a long, hard week of overindulging in food and drink to the point of adult onset diabetes so clearly I deserve a TREAT!” and then got right back on the road again. I wanted this shit so badly that I walked all the way down the hill on Church st. (okay??) in the rain without an umbrella (it’s not that I don’t have an umbrella. I have many, in fact. It’s just that I am hardcore, you see. UMBRELLAS ARE FOR THE WEAK AND THE SMART!). Anyway, I get there and the Bi-Rite dude is all, “What’s up, vegan girl!” and I’m like, “You know how we do! Holla!” and then he’s basically like, “For real?” and I’m like, “FOR REAL.” All dead serious with the look of the kill in my eyes. I get my second scoop of the day. And also a soda pop. And perhaps also a third scoop whatever fuck you for judging me like you haven’t slept with someone you aren’t proud of!!

Anyway, after three scoops of pluot sorbet and chocolate soy cream, I head back up the hill on Church street. Now, for folks who aren’t familiar with this peak…let me paint you a picture. It’s called, Everest. Look it up and then imagine a beast ten times worse and covered in the stench of dog and human piss and also, men to your left having sex in the bushes off of Dolores Park (hot!). Do you know what it’s like to hike back up that cliff with nothing to shield you from the harsh winter elements?  I was like the motherfucking kids in Alive, setting up base camp and then threatening to cut and/or eat fellow pedestrians. I am lucky to be here today. I was smart to carbo load at Bi-Rite before scaling that thing. Can you imagine the internet without me?  You’re like, “Yes bitch, leave.” and I’m all, “I’m not going anywhere, sucka!”

Ike’s Place!

First of all, it looks like the awesome sandwich above the entrance to Ike’s is comin’ to GETCHA. Talk about turning the tables! You go, sandwich! Wait, I meant: THE JOKE IS ON YOU SANDWICH BECAUSE I WILL BE EATING YOUR SANDWICH ASS. AND ALSO YOUR SANDWICH HEAD AND BODY. NEVER MIND.

B: Ike’s has more vegan sandwiches than you shake a sandwich at! With more to come! The Vegan Tony Soprano (it’s a fake meat and cheese FEAST), the Vegan Coming Home for Thanksgiving (turkey and cranberry!) and the Vegan Backstabber (turkey, marinated artichoke hearts, garlic and herb sauce and TEESE!)

Thirdly: I really hate the word “sammich.” Stop it. It makes me think you were molested as a child and stopped mentally progressing from that point on and most likely talk in a creepy high-pitched baby voice—anyone else think that?

IV: THE VEGAN MEATLESS MIKE MEATBALL SUB & GUILT-FREE FRIES WITH BBQ SAUCE WILL MAKE YOU RECONSIDER YOUR NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION TO NOT DATE SANDWICHES ANYMORE. I mean, eat. NOT EAT SANDWICHES ANYMORE. It was so meaty, I almost asked to be led to the cow it came from so I could be all, “GOTCHA!” and then puke the dead animal all over them. But it was not, it was real live fake meat and it was magical.

W: Ike, his ADORABLE mom, and his sandwich making partners in crime are super-friendly and make excellent suggestions and, as always, it feels so great to support a small, local business where the quality is high, the prices are low and the signage is AMAZING.

AND I TO YOU IN ADDITION AS WELL:
Blow me, Subway. Seriously, fuck you and your no-vegan-sandwich-having asses and your corporate drudgery and I know if you were a human, you’d totally vote for Huckabee and drive a Ford Explorer and jerk it to child porn. AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON TOGO’S!!!!

P.S. LOGISTICAL INFO: There are very few tables inside and a few outside so it’s not ideal to eat here. Phone in your sandwich orders ahead of time (the wait can be a bitch). What I like to do is phone in about a half hour ahead of time, swing by and get my sandwich and then head to Dolores Park, a nearby bar (there are quite a few on Market Street), or my couch (preferred, obviously) to enjoy the deliciousness!

Sausage Party!

No, this is not some incredibly hot gay porn (but if it is, please let me know! Gay porn is the hottest porn!) but instead, a vegan sausage cart run by two permit-eschewing vigilantes and their fat dog in San Francisco’s Dolores Park on the weekends. You get a hot Field Roast sausage in a yummy organic bun, homemade condiments, and Kettle Chips for $5. They also have really fantastic homemade lemonade and sometimes, cookies(!!!). They are in Dolores Park, near 18th and Dolores Streets on Saturdays and Sundays from around 1 to 6 p.m. PLEASE BE WARNED, this is not guaranteed as these bitches are unpredictable and operating hella illegally. But it’s still worth it to check it out because if it doesn’t work out, there are lots of places to grab vegan eats around Dolores Park (I will compile a thorough list and link to it at some point in the near future) and then sit in the grass with all the other assholes. Oh, and you can watch the hippies doing gross ol’ partner yoga and tossing around those fucking hippie sticks and playing hackie sack and shit.

In conclusion, the only bad thing about this cart is that it’s not parked on my face. In other words: I want to eat it out. With Vegenaise.