vegansaurus!

LYFE Kitchen to open very soon, and here’s the menu!  »

LYFE Kitchen (Meave wrote about them earlier this year) is set to open “later this month” (it’s already August 23! When, dammit! When!) at 167 Hamilton Ave in Palo Alto. As a refresher, LYFE kitchen is an experimental healthy fast food restaurant from some former McDonald’s head honchos, Oprah’s chef Art Smith (WHAT’S UP, O!), and vegan chef extraordinaire, Tal Ronnen. Because of Tal’s involvement, there are tons of vegan options on the menu, and they all look damn good. That’s a picture of the vegan corn chowder, I WILL EAT YOU. I THOUGHT all the desserts were supposed to be vegan, but they’re not marked as such, even though that banana run cheesecake sounds like something from Tal’s cookbook?? I dunno ‘bout that!

I got to interview Art Smith earlier this year and he was a very charming Southern gent of adorability and I fell straight in love with him. He told me Moby played his wedding’s after-party (yes, a wedding with an after-party! MARRY ME, ART! I, too, love to party hard!) and the whole thing was vegan (at Moby’s insistence, although Art thought it was a great idea, too!). Man, TO BE RICH AND IN LOVE. Although not to be a bitch but to be a total bitch, I’d probably have Leslie Hall play my after-party. Sorry, Moby! You just can’t work a gem sweater like my girl Leslie!

Anyway, what do you think of the menu? Will you be going to Palo Alto to eat there? I am pretty sure I will because even though the target demographic is soccer moms, I can eat just as much as those bitches! Also, I’d like this idea to succeed, and for the vegan options to sell well, and for LYFE Kitchen to grow bigger than McDonald’s and for us all to eat vegan banana rum cheesecake in a field of dreams! LET’S DO THIS.

Denver’s Garbanzo = Chipotle + Falafel. Be jealous!  »

The A-students, stalkers, and private detectives among you may be aware that this Vegansaurus writer has recently left the cushy vegan comforts of the Bay Area for the wild west of Denver. I’m still mourning the loss of Ike’s Place (we barely knew each other!), Souley Vegan, and Millenium, but now at least I’ve found something y’all in New York and San Francisco should envy and covet: Garbanzo Mediterranean Grill, a.k.a. the greatest fast food innovation since sesame seed buns.

Remember what life was like before Chipotle saved your road trips? We’ll call those times the Dark Ages, when there was no dependable vegan-friendly option sure to be in any town, any airport, anywhere. Yeah, fantastic local places are the best, but truly viable fast-food might be even more precious since it’s so…everywhere. 

Well my friends, those of you who aren’t in Denver, Boulder, or Colorado Springs are currently living in another medieval period, which I will call the Pre-Garbanzo Era. I pity you.

As you can see from the epic photo above, Garbanzo serves up a mighty selection of falafel and accompaniments. The menu works just like Chipotle: They’ve got a bunch of tasty things you can combine however you like into wraps, bowls, salads, and (in this case) pitas. Vegan options include falafel, spiced rice, red cabbage, pickled eggplant, hummus, babaganoush, tabbouleh, and more. You also get your choice of sauces. And there’s soup.

One of my favorite things is this little label they have on every item. Just look for the…bear paw chickpea? Is that what that is?

This is not the best falafel I’ve ever had, but it’s good, and plentiful, and respectful of my dietary choices. The only bad thing is that most of the locations are in strip malls on the outskirts of town. I hope that changes.

Luckily for you non-Coloradans, the chain is just getting big enough to start franchising. According to their website, Kansas City, St. Louis, Omaha/Lincoln, Baltimore/Washington, Philadelphia, New York, and Boston are all up for grabs right now. All you moneybags should open one in your town.

Garbanzo is going places. Here’s to hoping it’s somewhere near you. 

Loving Hut in Inner Sunset to open THIS SATURDAY!  »

Hey guys! We reported on it going in and now we have word that it’s opening on Saturday, Dec. 18! As in, TOMORROW! Er, or it might be Sunday. EITHER WAY, it’s this weekend. 

Who’s going?? Drumsticks for all!

That’s Ching Hai, calling in an order of drumsticks to go for me. 

[thanks for the heads-up, Hugh!]

Vegan food at 7-Eleven!  »

Really, we know there has always been vegan food at 7-11 like potato chips and all that good stuff but this week they tested out vegan meals at 7-Elevens in New York and Philly. I was able to score some dumplings at the 7-Eleven at 23rd and Park in Manhattan for you guys. Well, for to tell you guys about. 

I was disappointed when I saw what they have, it’s just these three “Macro-Vegetarian” meals—two things of dumplings and one lo mein. They sell these macro vegan meals like everywhere and your mom’s house, that’s why I wasn’t all that jazzed. I used to buy the pad thai one for lunch at the deli near my school UNTIL THERE WAS A BUG IN IT and I never bought it again. For you pals though, I braved it and tried the Shanghai dumplings pictured above. They are all right. These things are always all right. They are like kinda good but really just kinda OK. That’s my official ruling! “Kinda OK.”

But the taste isn’t really the point! [Ed.: oh no?] The point is we vegans are still taking over with a BOOOOM. We are dominating. I’m a little worried though that this is the meal all the 7-Eleven-goers will think we vegans eat all the time; it’s going to encourage that “vegans eat crazy stuff” stereotype. What do we all think?

Vegansaurus NYC: Foodswings!  »

Jesus Christmas, this is my new favorite place! It’s in Williamsburg, which I am finding out is not the most annoying place in the world after all; they do gots the good vegan food, that’s for sure. Foodswings is a self-proclaimed “fast food joint” and I got the cheese fries to prove it! The cheese fries were not amazing but they were definitely good in that, “yowza are these bad for me!” way. What really stole the show for me though was the chicken cutlet sandwich—it was off the hook! And it comes with soy mayo! You can get vegan bacon on it and all kinds of stuff but I went a little plain-jane with it. Next time, the works! My omni companion got the sausage and pepper hero and I was nice enough to try it and confirm it was delicious as well. The grilled onions and peppers on it were very fresh and yummy. The roll was great too; like, we talked about it. 

The one downer was the side of fried plantains my friend got. They were actually battered and fried and they just didn’t really have any flavor. But the menu is big and diverse! There is plenty more to keep you busy. Oh! And BONUS: they sell Lula’s ice cream! Oh! And another BONUS: It’s full of good-looking people. So really the only downer is that I don’t live upstairs from this place! Seriously, let’s all move in there and eat vegan fast food and die slightly slower than the rest of our compatriots!

Charlie Brooker’s modest proposal  »

Charlie Brooker has something to say about our attitude toward food and its presentation. As a satirical genius, he uses the porniest, most revolting writing possible to address it. Here he describes the experience of eating the titular item at Gourmet Burger Kitchen, which is a sort of “upmarket fast-food chain.”

You’ve got two options: tackle it with a knife and fork (the coward’s way out), or dislocate your jaw in the manner of a boa constrictor swallowing a foal, and heave it into your gullet, driving it home like a Victorian taskmaster pushing a buttered eight-year-old into a narrow chimney flue[.]

Order chips, incidentally, and your burger will be accompanied by a generous helping of deep-fried slabs the size and weight of piano keys. Eat there at lunchtime and you’ll spend the rest of the day feeling as if you’re incubating an immense, spherical beef-baby. And caesarean delivery sadly isn’t an option. Before bedtime, you’ll understand how it might feel to give birth to a banister.

What, he asks, makes eating this, with nearly twice the calories of a Big Mac, more socially acceptable than eating a Big Mac?

It seems the key to nurturing a successful chain of fast-food restaurants in modern Britain is to provide a less reprehensible version of something popular…while still enabling your customers to indulge in potentially ruinous gluttony.

I don’t think that that is exclusively a British solution. Isn’t In-N-Out the respectable person’s “drive-thru” burger? Or places like Fuddruckers, Five Guys, and Steak ‘n Shake? Fundamentally, they are McDonald’s: a place to get a quick, “American” meal. You’re still eating nightmare-food, it just comes in nicer packaging.

Charlie Brooker, however, because he is clever and disgusting, has a genius idea for environmentally friendly breakfast cafes: if you want bacon and sausage, cut the meat off your own body. It’s not nearly as offensive as the original Modest Proposal, as you’d only be eating yourself; it’d be vegan-friendly, for those of us who don’t feel as animal-rightsy as the rest of the group. You might even be able to use the lost blood to make black pudding, he says.

There’s something more to that idea—beyond the self-cannibalization joke: You can have as much meat as you can want, so long as you’re willing to give of your own life to get it. What would that mean if it were true? Right now, eating meat robs the future to reward the present; people in wealthy countries won’t feel the effects of their choices for some time—less the occasional terrifying food recall—but less developed nations have to make immediately felt compromises to support a meat industry; and some countries, like Tuvalu, could disappear under the ocean because of global warming.

That raises the question again: what price meat? If people continue eating it despite the horrific treatment of animals on massive factory farms; despite the human health risks posed by those farms; despite the destruction of land, including rainforest, not only to raise cows but to grow soybeans and corn to feed those cows—if they still want to indulge in tasty flesh, let them eat their own. Then maybe they’ll see it as valuable, instead of the commonplace junk they take for granted now.

Plus, you’ll be able to tell the vegans by how fat and happy we’ll be.

PCRM’s ad campaign: Science says Big Macs are nasty!  »

[can’t see the video? watch it at vegansaurus.com!]

The Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine* (PCRM) released the above commercial totally and morbidly dissing McDonald’s after a recent study they conducted shows just how unhealthy McDonald’s food is. And McDonald’s is pissed!:

This commercial is outrageous, misleading and unfair to all consumers. McDonald’s trusts our customers to put such outlandish propaganda in perspective, and to make food and lifestyle choices that are right for them.

Outrageous and outlandish? Them’s fightin’ words! But PCRM’s findings are pretty scary. The Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese has 42 grams of fat, 740 calories, 155 milligrams of cholesterol, and 1,380 milligrams of sodium. HOLY CRAP! Check out that sodium number! Good lord. Even the sweetly permissive USDA only recommends up to 2,300 milligrams of sodium per day, and that’s counting foods with naturally occurring sodium (although mostly those are dairy products, ew).

Other people are backing McDonald’s in this time of need, including the Wall Street Journal community. So far, 54 percent of them say the ad is unfair! Wah! BTW, I say we go over and vote. Give them some perspective! Our Meave had a few words to say in response to this:

Of course the WSJ crowd is voting it “unfair”; readers of the WSJ are [stereotypically] super-capitalist, super-individualist Randies who’d be libertarians if they weren’t so into government breaks for big corporations. “We are responsible for our own decisions,” says a commenter, as though anyone can make a good decision without pertinent information. UGH.

Besides, this Question of the Day isn’t asking, “Is McDonald’s responsible for all heart disease, ever?” or “Should the government expand healthcare to cover people who ONLY EAT MCDONALD’S BECAUSE THEY ARE STUPID POOR FATTY FAT FATS WHO SHOULD KNOW BETTER?” It’s an AD CAMPAIGN. And one might think that WSJ readers, being on the whole very staunchly pro-business, would support the right of an organization to run whatever ad campaign it so chose. I suppose that when that ad campaign comes into conflict with the interests of a major international corporation, WSJ readers would rather see the big, profitable corporation continue to dominate.

Everyone’s favorite, Eater, had a bit to say in McDonald’s defense, calling the ad “a crazy new commercial” by PCRM, adding that

PCRM is known for their somewhat insane vegan agenda—back in May, they wrote a press release advising KFC to follow the same guidelines the FDA sets out for tobacco producers and not advertise near schools and put a warning label on Double Downs. In this this ad, they recommend “Tonight, make it vegetarian.”

Somewhat insane vegan agenda? Duck and cover! But then the example they give sounds very sane to me, considering another study showing how fast-food chains target children and then feed them horrible crap.

Now, if you are a vegan anything like me, you love your vegan cupcakes and vegan fried food. It’s like we always say, vegan doesn’t equal healthy. But we’re not talking about cupcakes; we’re talking about POISON. Remember Super Size Me? This stuff will kill you! And the main difference is that they don’t want to tell you. Vegansaur Jordan was just saying the other day that she will tell you in plain language that her vegan cupcakes are far from vitamin bars. And if PCRM wants you to know about the nutrition information of McDonald’s food and its ramifications on your health, what is so “unfair” about that?

*Disclosure: Our Laura has worked on contract for PCRM in the past.