I’ve seen this posted on several vegans’ Facebook pages and it bums me out. Let’s get some things straight: there are lots of fat vegans, being fat isn’t a bad thing, Skinny Bitch isn’t a thing, period, THE END FOREVER.
Crap like this is alienating and cruel and hateful and stupid. A person’s body is not reflective of their worth, so quit it. Besides, I know some damn skinny meat-eaters and some big fat vegans and it’s ALL GOOD. Skinny, fat, tall, short, gay, straight, bisexual, asexual, intersexed, inner-sexed, transgendered, Lady Gaga-ed, black, white, Cuban, and Asian*—it’s all gravy, baby.
Also, I’m finna be real with you, which family up there do you want to party with? I’m gonna go with the awesome fatties. The son is totally chowing down on a drumstick from Golden Lotus and he is OFFENDED that you would insinuate otherwise. Further, what is with their hands, especially the fat dad’s right one? Is it a claw? Because then he’s extra badass.
*or wait, is that a list of the types of ladies that Will Smith wants to bone? Whatever, it works.
Update (11:32 a.m.): Did you guys know I made a zine about awesome it is to be fat and it includes tons of vegan positive stuff in it? YOU CAN BUY IT FOR THREE BUCKS! It has lots of glitter and includes crazy awesome hot fat girl art. OWN IT!
Update (12:03 p.m.): This just came out TODAY: "Today it is believed that approximately 25-30% of obese individuals remain metabolically healthy (normal blood glucose, blood lipids, blood pressure, and cytokine profile) despite their excess weight.” Check it! The more you read about this shit, the more you realize that we’re been duped by the diet and pharmaceutical industries, and the complicit (and often self-regulated) government agencies that oversee them. There’s gold in them thar fat folds!
Drop it like it’s hot! Or, how to deep-fry, VEGAN STYLE! »
Here is how it went down:
- Jonas bought this deep fryer at Costco for $30.
- We decide to deep fry everything in the house. Including maybe the house.
Honestly, both Hazel and Jonas are lucky they’re still alive. DEEP FRYING IS HELLA FUN.
- I’m not gonna tell you exactly how to be you but I will say a couple things. There are tons of amazing recipes for vegan batters and deep-fry dishes on VegWeb.
- You have a fridge with stuff in it, right? WELL THEN DEEP-FRY THAT SHIZ.
I also will provide two quick recipes:
- Get some stone-ground cornmeal (or just a rough ground, you ain’t got to be fancy with a stone and shit), some flour, some nutritional yeast, some salt & pepper, and mix all that together; now you have a great crunchy fry coating. You can either get some silken tofu and then whip the shit out of it with a little water and make a base for dipping before you coat it in the fry mix, or you can just coat with some olive oil and dip. Easy-peasy, ocean-breezy. It makes a delicious coating on your food and is super-fast and delicious. Trust.
- PIZZA ROLLS. Okay, this is Jonas’ specialty and WHAT A SPECIALTY IT IS. All you need is some pizza dough (we used the pre-made stuff in the fridge section of Trader Joe’s! We lazy!), some pizza or pasta sauce, some vegan sausage, and some vegan cheese. Just roll out the pizza dough thin; cut it into triangles; put some sauce, sausage, and cheese in the center; roll it up so it looks like a crescent roll; DEEP FRY IT. Giiiirrrrlllll…it is SO TASTY. You know you want to, fatty. Just do it.
And remember, you can do this and feel not truly awful about it because A) FAT PEOPLE RULE and B) Since all your deep-frying is animal-free, it means its cholesterol-free! THAT’S RIGHT. I believe that means you can deep-fry with impunity. So do it up, you’re hella skin-and-bones, anyway. The only person that’s attractive on is LFB and you know it.
AND YES, that is a Wii Fit in the background of that picture. We use it when we run out of table room for fry.