Urban farming gets WACKY with Triumph’s rice-growing bra »
I think we’re all supposed to say “oh those WACKY JAPANESE” because nothing says “I’m not actually racist” better than writing about an entire population as a singular entity perpetually obsessed with family honor and tentacle/schoolgirl fantasies. But really, what else will CRAZY JAPAN think up next? Triumph’s rice-growing bra is the perfect gift for the femivore on your list who’s too busy at the club to tend to her backyard rice patties.
No word on if the bra is lined (or removable) because that shit’s going to get nasty at some point during your rice’s 110-day growing cycle. But don’t worry, if you lose patience with your miracle of edible life, rice-patty bra can double as an iPad stand for your/my instant Netflix addiction. Which reminds me, it’s probably time to queue up Idiocracy again, because if we’ve found a way to sexualize urban homesteading, “Adult Tax Returns” and “Extra Big-Ass Fries” can’t be too far off.
I heard they eat women »
I know new words are fun, but you can’t just go around inventing them willy-nilly! “Cybersex”: very important word development; “femivore”: SOME BULLSHIT.
The New York Times offers up this new concoction as a combination of locavorism and modern housewifery and/or feminism. The writer, Peggy Orenstein from our very own Berkeley, Calif., has a few friends who grow their own food and now are all buying chickens. Then BAM! Femivores! No, it’s actually not people who eat women. It’s women who are stay-at-home moms and make all their own stuff like clothes and now I guess eggs.
To be honest, I think I’m missing a few steps. You can read for yourself and see. Or maybe it’s just that the whole literary aesthetic is too distracting because it makes me want to vom. Who can say. Check it out:
"All of these gals—these chicks with chicks—are stay-at-home moms, highly educated women who left the work force to care for kith and kin. I don’t think that’s a coincidence: the omnivore’s dilemma has provided an unexpected out from the feminist predicament, a way for women to embrace homemaking without becoming Betty Draper. ‘Prior to this, I felt like my choices were either to break the glass ceiling or to accept the gilded cage,’ says Shannon Hayes, a grass-fed-livestock farmer in upstate New York."
Glass ceiling or gilded cage? I know that’s a quote, but bleeeeeh! I need a shower! And what about men who grow their own food? Or women who grow their own food and have a job outside the home? Or what about words that already exist and aren’t ridiculous? I also doubt that this is anything new. Isn’t this just kind of a farmer? What makes them femivores? That they have chickens or that they are middle class?