Fascist jerky landlords can suck it! (and no, this isn’t about Ike’s Place)  »

Just saw this good news from the LA Times!:

State legislation that would make it illegal for landlords in California to require animal declawing or devocalization as a condition of tenancy passed in the Assembly on a 63-7 vote Thursday…

AB 2743 also would forbid landlords from giving preferential treatment to tenants with declawed or devocalized animals and from advertising in a way designed to discourage applicants whose animals have not been declawed or devocalized.

Yay! Go kitties, shred the carpet, shred the carpet, go kitties! And puppies, your vocal cords will soon be safe!

This seems like maybe it’ll be hard to enforce but still, a very positive step! I HATE the idea of devocalizing dogs. It’s completely crazy. Someone actually suggested I do this to my dog Figaro. I’m serious! I mean, the boy does seem to be 75 percent lung power—he’s loud as all getup. But I’m always like, he talks way less than I do! And everybody LOVES me. But can you imagine? If you couldn’t talk? Barking is just how a dog expresses her or himself; if they can’t bark, how are they supposed to tell you when Mitsy is breaking into your brand-new bag of pita? I ask you!

And declawing—don’t get me started! Did you know declawing is pretty rare outside of North America? BECAUSE IT’S INHUMANE AND CRAZY! It’s illegal in many countries and I swear it’s the same countries where capital punishment is illegal. I’m not saying causation but I think there’s totally a correlation. Countries advanced enough to recognize the death penalty as cruel and inhumane are also advanced enough to recognize the need to protect those who can’t protect themselves—like poor lil’ kitties. It’s like that Gandhi quote, “The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.” DUH EVERYBODY.

In other animal cruelty news, here’s Figaro in his latest photo shoot!:

(It’s cruelty because I’m making him read Nathanial West. But I’m like, put down the Cosmo and get some damn culture, Figaro!)


Ami bones in America! HOLLER!!!  »

Oh happy day!!! Ami bones are now being sold at! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?! We don’t have to rely on those damn Brits (who are a culturally rich and adorable people) to get them from Italy for us anymore! Is this all over your head? Let me break it down for you because I’M THE NICEST KID EVER!

My dog Figaro likes him some chews. If your dog likes biscuits, you jerks got plenty o’ options. But vegan chews…they’re hard to come by. I mean, you’ve got several sweet potato chews to pick from but really, they take a measly five minutes for Fig to get through (though now he thinks he’s too good for them, goddamn princess) (actually it’s OK because he is just regulating his own weight for me! For real, I asked the vet why he wasn’t finishing his food and she seriously gave me Fig’s internal monologue: “Hmm, I think I’ve had enough calories today.” Who knew he was so reasonable?! Not the wino on the corner he snaps at on the daily! It’s so cute, I’m the only alcoholic he puts up with).

Then one day I found this super-dope website,, that has ALL KINDS of vegan dog chews! Frickin’ hedgehogs and crocodiles—it’s a damn vegan chew jungle! They also sold Ami bones—VEGAN dog bones! Yeah, so, problem: these bones are from Italy. It’s not that I hate Italians, it’s that they just didn’t sell them in god-blessed America. See, is a BRITISH site, and it’s not that I hate Brits, it’s that shipping is STUPID expensive. But I did it, people; I got fed up with not having good chews for the Notorious F.I.G. and totally ordered a crapload of the various chews all the way from the UK. It cost like U.S. $80 BILLION in shipping! I AM NOT EXAGGERATING! VERY MUCH!

Still: the chews went over really well; they probs didn’t last as long as a rawhide does maybe but rawhide is DANGEROUS FOR YOUR DOG! AND ANIMALS WITH SKIN! And Fig totally liked the veggiepet chews. They were just SO expensive to ship. Like, never-do-it-again expensive. Now, however, we can at least get the Ami variety from! This is like basically a victory for all Americans. God bless us, every one.

[photo illustration by Megan Rascal!]


Vegan dog biscuit round-up!  »

My dog Figaro (rescue dogs represent!) is snobby about his treats. People are always trying to give him biscuits and he totally ignores them like, “Ahem, I eat chewy molasses treats and spoons of peanut butter like whenever I want; bleh to your dry biscuits!” And the people get all sad and I have to tell them he’s just nervous and I’ll give it to him later, then I give it to a homeless dog with less discerning tastes. But guess what! I’ve found a biscuit treat Figgy LOVES! Cloud Star’s green apple and peanut butter Muttos! They are a two-in-one flavored biscuit and they look so cute that I had to try them out when I saw them at whole foods.

What am I getting at??? VEGAN DOG BISCUIT ROUND UP!

Like I said, Fig’s latest and greatest treat, by Cloud Star. They have two vegan flavors: Peanut butter and apple, and blueberry and oatmeal. Haven’t tried the latter yet but like I said, Figgy loves the PB and apple ones.

Buddy Biscuits!
Cloud Star makes FOUR vegan flavors of these bad boys. Yowza! But these are not as popular as their chewy counterparts in my house because chewiness is next to godliness around here.

Mini Bakes!
Zukes offers one vegan option, the Peanut Butter ‘n Blueberryz flavor. These come HIGHLY recommended by our other resident vegansaur dog, the beautiful Hazel. Edit: Zuke’s Superfood organic dog buiscuts are also vegan, but not the Z-ridge dental chews as previously reported. Sorry, everyone, our bad.

Just Vegg’n!
This is a fruit and veggie, low-fat biscuit by Old Mother Hubbard that also comes recommended by Hazel.

Peace Prayer Love Bites!
These and all the treats by Bark for Peace are vegan!

Sweet potato rosemary biscuits!
These homemade treats are vegan, as are a number of others that are for sale at ElizabethBeckett’s Etsy shop!

Pumpkin Pie Muffins!
Um, they look really good. Imagine if you toasted them a bit?! Your dog would FREAK. Nice job, Boston Baked Bonz.

Mr. Pugsly’s Peanut Butter Dog Biscuits!
Figgy will actually condescend to eat these occasionally. Also available from Pet Guard are Mr. Barky’s Vegetarian dog biscuits.

Hoppin’ Good Carrot Crunchies!
From Front Porch Pets, the creators of Sam’s Yams, come these carrot cookies. Figgy hasn’t tried them yet but he does like carrots so if I see a package, I’ll buy it!

Organic Oven Baked Dog Treats!
Grandma Lucy’s makes several vegan flavors of these, including blueberry!

All right now kiddies, go buy these for your pups! Or make your own if you aren’t lazy like me! Boy, am I lazy!


Fundraiser for animals in Haiti! Humans welcome!  »

First thing really super fast. If you’re in San Francisco tomorrow (Sat Jan 23), stop by the SF Vegan Bakesale for Haiti and eat lots of deliciousness for two charities that need the money VERY BADLY RIGHT NOW! Moving on!

If you do not use twitter, you might not know that there are about a zillion “anipals” on there. These are twitter accounts people make for their pets (though don’t forget about @common_squirrel). One of the most famous anipals is of course @sockington, who has over 1.5 million followers. But there are some anipals you may recognize—like Junior Vegansaur Figaro! (I just made up Junior Vegansaur! Hazel, you want in on this?!) My dog Figaro has over 1,000 followers, which is 3 times as many as I have. Yes.

Now, the anipals are a pretty tight-knit community. One thing they do is have a monthly “pawpawty.” On, they have a pretty clear explanation for what exactly a pawpawty is (yes,—I’m telling you, they are organized!):

A PawPawty is a virtual “party” held once a month on Twitter where anipals have fun and raise money for animal charities. It is like having a real “party” but everything takes place in the twitterverse. There are lots of new pals to meet, fun pawty food and drinks as well as music to listen to. We share photos, sing, dance and have contests where you can win great prizes.

While there’s music and prizes (mind you these prizes are real, not virtual), the fundraising takes center stage. If this all sounds crazy to you, what isn’t crazy is that they raise between $1,000 and $1,500 a month for animal charities. Yowza! That’s no joke. Usually the charity is selected by vote, but there was an overwhelming consensus this month that the money go to the animal welfare organizations helping in Haiti. If that isn’t enticing enough, DJFiggyFig will be spinning tunes via at noon SF time tomorrow! Since the theme this month is Viva Wag Vegas in honor of Elvis’ 75th birthday, DJFiggyFig will take a break from his gangster rap diet and play all Elvis songs!

The pawpawty starts at 11 a.m. PST Saturday, Jan. 23rd, and ends Sunday at 11 a.m. There are anipals all over the world so the parties go pretty strong for the entire 24 hours. If you can’t make it to the party but still want to donate, you can do that here. But if you DO make it to the party, be sure holler at your boy @FigaroRascal! He will take requests from all Vegansaur friends! And if you need to hear that UB40 Elvis cover, I think he can make that happen.

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