Humans: selfish, murderous, totally gross »
Hearst Castle (one of the most beautiful places in California!) has zebras on its grounds. They’re descendants of the original zebras that comprised part of ol’ William Randolph’s enormous private zoo during his castle-dwelling years, and they’ve been there for over 80 years.
Occasionally the zebras wander off the 128-acre property, which two did last Wednesday, Jan. 5. Usually, according to current ranch owner Stephen Hearst, when someone finds a zebra somewhere it doesn’t belong, the finder calls him up to fetch them home. These particular zebras must have been of the carnivorous variety, however, because a cattle rancher called David Fiscalini shot both of them about as soon as he noticed them on his land. The zebras “spooked his horses,” you see, which gave him “the right” to just kill them. Even better, after murdering the lost zebras, he took their bodies to a taxidermist and had them skinned and tanned. The taxidermist, naturally, obliged, and now David Fiscalini has himself a lovely zebra-skin rug. Charming!
Humans are seriously the best sentient beings to ever have a thought. In Las Vegas, tiger-collectors Siegfried and Roy have a Secret Garden and Dolphin Habitat in which visitors can gawk at “white lions, white tigers, panthers, leopards, and [Siegfried and Roy’s] family of Atlantic Bottlenose Dolphins.” What are all these animals doing in the city of neon lights? Living it up in “serenity,” duh. Dolphins love “extreme temperature changes, from extreme cold (snow flurries) to extreme arid, dry conditions and pollution from a nearby highway.” The constant sound means they’re never bored! And only, what, 13 have died so far, that’s like a baker’s dozen, barely even counts. Especially when you can pay $4,000 plus $125 to throw a party “with” the dolphins and tigers! That’s eminently reasonable, certainly no reason to sign change.org’s petition to get rid of this “exotic, enchanting and wondrous world.” It just sounds so great!
If we’re not doing things, let’s not stop shooting at super-endangered whooping cranes. They might spook the horses! Or look remarkably like chupacabras from far away! Whatever seems best in the moment, you with the gun; you’re the king of the world.