Capybaras and wtf people EAT THEM!? »
Okay so look at that photo. If that family of fucking perfectly beautiful capybaras doesn’t make you want to find/lose religion, there is no fucking hope for your whatsoever. Capybaras are the world’s largest rodent (the average weight is 100 pounds) and while that might freak you out, being hella large furry rats is actually AWESOME and you are just a close-minded anti-rodentia bigot god you probably hate little people too or some other bigoted bullshit. Capybaras are highly social and can hold their breath underwater for up to 5 minutes which basically makes them superheroes who walk amongst (those of) us (who are lucky enough to live in Argentina or Brazil). UGH, I wish there were wild capybaras in California…I would never leave the woods looking for them. It’s bad enough with my thing for Sasquatch, if I threw capybaras into the mix, I’d become a straight up woods-living witch, luring kids into my witch-shack with delicious candy only to eat them (and the candy). FUN FACT: In the wild, Capybaras eat grasses and aquatic plants, melons and squashes. UGH THE THOUGHT OF A CAPYBARA EATING A HONEYDEW PLEASE STOP I CAN’T.
Anyway, after learning recently that people eat these magical, adorable, perfectly perfect creatures, I nearly wanted to set the world on fire. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK PEOPLE?? How can you look at that cutest ever cute face and want to chow down. But again, how can you look at this cutest ever cute face and want to chow down? I don’t know. Man, fuck it. This is a rant to nowhere. But somewhere in the world (most likely Venezuela. Fuckers.) there are ranches (read: factory farm lite) with capybaras living shitty lives and then being killed to be eaten. One of the most fucked up things I learned recently (from awesome cartoonist Minty Lewis who will be featured on these very pages maybe even later today) is that the Catholic Church allowed people to eat capybaras during Lent (when only fish is usually permitted) but should we really be surprised?
On the bright side, you can buy this really cute capybara magnet on Etsy so there’s that.