Review: Café Colucci!  »

Café Colucci is my favorite Ethiopian restaurant in the Bay Area. That’s saying a lot because I love Ethiopian people. They are seriously the greatest. Also, their food is MWAH! (I’m making the Italian chef “IT’S-A-NICE” kiss into the air.)

Now, at Colucci, you’re going to want to start off your meal with some of the veggie sambussas. Sambussas are heavenly fried dough balls that are like samosas but filled with lentils. They are super-tasty. Next, you’ll want the vegetarian combo. It’s 100 percent vegan and 100 million percent delicious. The veggie combo consists of Azifa, Buticha, Messer-Wot, Kik-Alicha, Gomen, and Atakilt. I know that means nothing to your uncultured ass but just know that it’s a plate filled with delicately spiced yellow lentils, spicely spiced red lentils, cracked wheat (you have to request this but just trust), potatoes and carrots and cabbage and collard greens. You eat it all up with their perfect fluffy and just-the-right-amount-of-sour injera and it’s just sofuckinggood.

The service is kinda slow (hey! they’re on Ethiopian time! Which I can only assume is roughly seven days behind the rest of us) so it’s best to pretend to go into labor or something right after you order so that they hurry it up. Worth the trip to Berkeley from SF and that’s saying a lot because Berkeley is basically the devil’s playground. I seriously hate that city. It’s filled with the dirtiest worst fake hippies with their WHITE-PERSON DREADLOCKS and HACKY SACKS and the whole scene makes me want to vomit. My best friend lived a block from Telegraph Avenue for a year and I swear to god, I cut the bitch off. I couldn’t hang. Every time I went to see her, I would get protested at by someone on a bicycle with BICYCLE BUMPER STICKERS. I’m sure we just lost half the readership of this blog but really, you have computers in your co-op? Is that okay? Well, relax. You can blow off this rant by having sex in your communal hot tub OH MY GOD I’M DRY-HEAVING.

P.S. Café Colucci often has gift certificates at Basically, you buy a gift certificate from them for hella cheap and then get a lot more money to spend at the restaurant. I know, that was the explanation you would give a five-year-old, but it’s what I got right now. Anyway, I’ve gotten one for Colucci through them and it worked perfectly. I ate like a king with a pauper’s pocket change. If you’re from Berkeley, you probably go to the Ren Faire, so I’m totally speaking your language.

[photos, top to bottom: stu_spivack, mlinksva, artnoose]


Review: Club Waziema!  »

Club Waziema
is my favorite Ethiopian restaurant in San Francisco. Not so much because it’s autentico (I stole that from Jonas, I believe it’s Mexican for “authentic”) but because it’s delicious food in a fun space (dive bar meets whorehouse. See: the ridiculously wonderful and sexy wallpaper) and it’s super-cheap and there is an excellent jukebox. Oh and IT’S ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT. AMAZING.

I strongly suggest ordering the Vegetarian Combo, a combination of all their vegan dishes. They don’t use the proper Ethiopian names on the menu because their customers are almost 100 percent Hipster McWhitey but basically you get two different lentil dishes (one spicy, one milder), a mushroom stew, collard greens and a potato/carrot/cabbage combo for $9, ALL YOU CAN EAT. When the food runs out, you just ask for more and they bring it out because as mentioned above it’s ALL YOU CAN EAT. Has there ever been four more beautiful words strung together in the English language? I’m being serious, can you think of any? Because I’m actually trying and I can’t.

Everything is served on injera, which is traditional Ethiopian flat bread made with teff flour. The injera at Waziema is fluffier and less tangy than I like it but it’s still delicious and I think easier on a palate that isn’t used to eating this type of food. Please see above about Hipster McWhitey. You use the injera to eat all of the food so please don’t humiliate yourself by asking for a fork or some shit. HOW EMBARRASSING.

Some things to keep in mind when dining in here. The service can be inattentive and slow (this is how they do in Ethiopia. I’m assuming.) so either be relaxed, baby, or prepare to go to bat for what you believe in. I’ve also had really excellent service so it’s a bit of a crap shoot. It’s good for groups (I had a big birthday dinner here a few years ago and it was the perfect location for a laid-back celebration—just make sure to call ahead and reserve some space. You can apparently even make reservations on their site. I would say not great for a romantical date because it can get really loud and there aren’t basic restaurant things like tablecloths and shit because you’re in a bar but on the other hand, I had the first date with my current boyfriend here and he’s ALL RIGHT. And oh yeah, they are closed Sundays and not open for lunch. The kitchen is open from 5 to 10 p.m. every night but the bar stays open later, until midnight on school nights and 2 a.m. on the weekend SO YOU CAN PARTY! ETHIOPIAN STYLE! WHAT?!

That is all.

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