Recipe: Vegan mac ‘n’ cheesecakes! »
So yesterday, Jonas sent me a link to this video on the New York Times website. It features Kenny Shopsin, this fabulous cursing muppet dude—basically, Bruce Vilanch done over as a truck stop chef; seriously, watch the video, this guy’s the best*—making something that blew my mind: MAC ‘N’ CHEESE PANCAKES! I knew I had to have them for dinner, if not right now! So, last night, we fried up a big batch of mac ‘n’ cheesecakes and some Match Meat Italian Sausages!
Here is what we did. Follow these directions TO THE LETTER. I am unyielding.
First, pour yourself a Crown and water, on the rocks. If you skip this step, everything else will suck.
Next, you need to boil up some macaroni. Or whatever pasta you want, really. I didn’t have enough macaroni last night and so I used some spiral pasta too. I AM A REBEL! When the pasta is cooked al dente then you drain and stir in a little olive oil. Set aside.
Then, grate some cheese into a bowl. I suggest Teese or Follow Your Heart, if those options are available to you. If they’re not, either 1) move the fuck away from whatever Podunk town you’re dying in or b) just kill yourself with a block of veganrella. I think just trying to eat the whole thing should do it.
Set the bowl of macaroni and the bowl of cheese close to the stove so you can reach them easily for assembling your pancakes! And now you need to make pancake batter. I suggest:
- 1 cup flour [experiment with different kinds. I used whole wheat last night but I think chickpea could be good!]
- 1 Tbsp. vegan sugar
- 2 Tbsp. baking powder
- ⅛ tsp. salt [I would mess around with types of salt here: kosher, truffle, etc.!]
- 1 cup soy [or almond/rice/hemp/coconut/human breast] milk
- 2 Tbsp. vegetable oil
First mix the dry ingredients together. When that’s done, start your griddle (that word literally makes my mouth water) on high so that it gets super-hot. Go back to your batter and mix in your wet ingredients. DO NOT OVER-MIX, over-mixing will kill your fluffy mac ‘n’ cheesecakes and you will be all :-(. Next, add some Earth Balance to your griddle and wait until it melts and is kinda bubbly. Then, you want to add enough batter for the size pancake that you want. I wanted one the size of a crop circle but Jonas was cooking so.
Let it cook for about a minute and then put a couple tablespoons of the macaroni in the middle of the pancake and immediately top that with a bunch of cheese. Using a thin metal spatula, quickly turn the pancakes and gently tap to make them uniform in thickness. Cook until golden, about two minutes. Serve, macaroni-side up, with Earth Balance and warm maple syrup. HELLO DELICIOUS!
This photo is with a Match Meat patty we grilled up to go with our mac ‘n’ cheesecakes. Yes, I know it looks like Pizza the Hut. SHUT UP, IT TASTED DELICIOUS.
If you’re feeling adventurous (read: extra-gluttonous), make it vegan heart-attack-style by crumbling some fake sausage (we used the Match Meat Italian Sausage) and throwing it on top of the macaroni, before the cheese. That was our best pancake; a Hamburger Helper pancake. We dubbed it über-pancake, the Cheesy Beef Cake; it won the Blue Ribbon at my State Fair in Fatlandia, pop. All the Awesome Fat People.
Finally, DO NOT GIVE ANY OF YOUR PANCAKES TO HAZEL. SHE IS CUTE AND SO IT IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE BUT PANCAKES ARE NOT FOR DOGS, THEY ARE FOR HUMANS!!! Now, a photo of Hazel begging for a pancake.
*Please be sure to check out the menu for Shopsin’s General Store as well. It is insane but actually includes a few vegan items! But don’t order from the menu or you will get thrown out!
[photos by the cooks]