vegansaurus!

Say hello to the Kitten Cam!  »

[Can’t see the video? Watch it on Vegansaurus.com!]

Holy crap that video is cute! That mom is cray, carrying the kitten like that! She was all, “OK, that’s enough, give me my damn baby.” How cute is that? So awesome. I was like, why’s she putting it on the table? But she was just trying to get to the crate. It would be funny if she just put them on the table though, right? Haaa. Kittens on a table. 

But wait, there’s more! These kittens and their pretty mom (she’s so pretty!) are being fostered until the kittens are old enough to adopt, but in the meantime, their foster mom set up a kitten cam for us! I love it! These guys are so rascally. I know what I’ll be watching all the dang time. 

Dog hero rescues adorable kittens from unfathomable human evil!   »

Happy! Sad! Kittens! Puppy! This story has it all.

Loving lab Reagan found kittens sealed in a Meow Mix bag in the middle of the road, carried them all the way home, and wouldn’t stop whining until his owner opened the bag. She could hear faint feline mewls, but was unprepared for the bag’s contents. Inside, she discovered two kittens, now named Tipper and Skipper, covered in the carnage of the other two (or three) kittens that were run over by a car.

“The instinct of the dog was to nurture and not kill the kittens. With all the blood some dogs would have responded to the scent. Reagan the dog is a hero,” said Linda Blakely from Iowa’s Raccoon Valley Animal Sanctuary, who fostered the little boos. Reagan is the best! This just goes to show, once again, that animals are cooler than people. Seriously—a dog named after a Republican is like ‘WTF people, DON’T MURDER KITTENS.’

“Whether them being dumped out is an act of cruelty or desperation we will never know,” added Blakely. Uh, really? You mean to tell me there is some uncertainty as to whether sealing kittens in a cat food bag and dumping them into oncoming traffic to be gruesomely slaughtered qualifies as a fucking ACT OF CRUELTY? I mean, seriously, who does that?! Ugh.

Reagan is awesome! Yay Reagan! This is a happy story! And a miracle! Blakely was unsure whether Tipper and Skipper, weak and traumatized from the experience (duh), would live through the first few days—they had to be bottle-fed every two hours. But then they did! And now they are healthy, handsome, well adjusted kitties looking for their forever home. I would say that if you are in Iowa, and maybe lonely you are lonely, you should adopt them now! But since the news video has gone viral [video!], people from all over the world are competing for the lucky cats. So adopt another one of countless rescued kittens, wherever you are! Or foster some, like me.

Aurora Wells is a writer and artist living in San Francisco with persistent dreams and borrowed kittens. She will do pretty much anything for that vegan cookie.

Life isn’t always terrible: handicapped Lebanese kittens adopted by Europeans!  »

It’s been a really awful weekend for news, capped by a Sunday-evening radio program about the likelihood of different apocalypse scenarios—if the nukes don’t kill use, the nuclear winter will—so imagine my joy when I came across this update from Animals Lebanon. Remember Animals Lebanon, the organization that saved Omega the chimpanzee from being a roadside attraction? I follow them on Facebook; they rescue so animals, they’re amazing.

Today they announced that four kittens that had all been found with serious injuries were off to their new homes in Europe. People really love kittens! Minoush here had been “hit by a car and left on the side of the road for days,” and had a fractured pelvis. She’s since been adopted by “a nice lady in Holland” who is going to get her the veterinary care she needs to be able to walk again. You guys, my heart.

There are three other kittens whose terrible stories end with adoption; if you need a little cheering up on this bleak Monday, I suggest you read them right away.

[image via Animals Lebanon]

Your government loves puppies again!  »

Everyone loves puppies. Politicians love puppies! Or at least, they hate them less than they hate you, because California Governor Jerry Brown signed S.B. 917 into law this week, and now the puppies are saved! Or at least, puppies and also kittens and also other pet-type animals can no longer be sold from public property like parking lots and streets. This is supposed to cut down on puppy mills and puppy-mill-type operations, which are obviously terrible and disgusting.

The law also increases the penalties for perpetrators of animal abuse! Now being convicted of cruelty to animals “is punishable by imprisonment in a county jail for not more than one year, or in the state prison, or by a fine of not more than $20,000, or by both that fine and imprisonment.” Better than before.

California is full of chickens living in horrible conditions laying top-quality California eggs and also cows being forced to produce milk to make California cheese that must be the most amazing food on the planet, considering the way people go on about it. It does seem that, incrementally, our representatives are making it less terrible for our domesticated animals; maybe it’s not all bad everywhere all the time.

[Apple and Lil Jack are both totally adorable and totally adoptable, if you are looking for a puppy on which to lavish all your affection]

Hello, friends! It’s WTF Wednesday!  »

You guys, work is really stressing me out. I am going to spend most of my half-day off catching up on horrible paperwork and I am dreading it already, as I would prefer to spend the day eating bonbons and playing Super Mario Galaxy. When I am bummed like this, there is only one thing that makes me feel better (well, two, but crystal meth is pretty expensive on my salary), so after Allen picked me up from work we went to the gym and did water Zumba for an hour. Here are the reasons I like water Zumba: first of all, Zumba is like this horrifying campy mix of boxing, salsa, and belly-dancing that is all about being fun and taking itself too seriously at the same time. Second of all, when I am doing any kind of aquatic fitness activity it is all limbs and grunts and I look like I am having a panic attack mixed with a seizure and everyone is silently backing away and holding their hands over their mouths in shock and mortification. You take all of this and add a whole bunch of amazing middle-aged ladies just shaking their stuff and doing water acrobatics in a circle at the end and Allen wading around assuring people that I’m OK and that no one needs to call 911 and everyone’s having a good time!

I don’t feel that I am doing a good job explaining this, so let me show you with this cartoon of Narwhals just tearing shit up in the water. Quick question: are Narwhals even real or what? They are sea animals with horns! They fight polar bears! They have a catchy song about how awesome they are that will be stuck in my head for the next two weeks and will not be able to sleep because as soon as I close my eyes all I hear is that amazing techno beat taunting me with the millions of fantastic qualities Narwhals have that I will never achieve. Fun story: my friend Stephanie took me to some kind of Etsy craft fair a couple of months ago and one of the activities they had was making stuffed Narwhals out of felt and cloth. I was super drunk at this point (and had been eating so many cookies and cake pops—cake pops!!—that I was almost in a sugar coma) that the only thing I could do was supervise by yelling “give the Narwhal a huge schlong!” while twirling around and laughing. in the end, the Narwhal had a giant appendage and I spent the rest of the evening showing everyone my Narwhal which I was wearing as a necklace. True story.

Narwhals not doing it for you? You want to go for more conventional? Fine! How about these mother-loving kittens being DJ Heroes?

[Can’t see the video? Watch it on Vegansaurus.com]
They’re not even playing it on the Wii, you guys! They are on real-life decks just spinning like there is no tomorrow and meowing out sweet musical beats. I know a little bit about being a DJ (read: Laura and I spend a lot of time on turntable.fm) [Ed.; YEAH WE HAVE! And Megan Rascal told us about it so mad props to DJ My Lil’ Pony!] when someone is a hot act. And let me tell you, three kittens fucking it up on a couple of turntables is just what the club scene needs. I don’t generally go to clubs because I hate people and dancing and lights and music, but I would be there to see these kittens and break my neck (that is DJ lingo for “bop my head”) to the rhythms they’re putting out.

Kittens don’t do it for you? Why? Did your soul break? Perhaps you should have it repaired. Oh, you like dogs? You like dogs that make you go WTF? You like English dogs that make you go “huh?” Let me introduce you to Sophie, then. Let’s see what’s up now! Adorable or terrifying? You tell me!

That’s all for this week! Please send me links for next week and have the best Wednesday of your life!

Guest post: “I FELL INTO A K-HOLE OF ADORABLE.” Fostering kittens for the SF SPCA RULES!  »

It’s kitten season! And when I heard the San Francisco SPCA was hurting for foster homes, I realized that duh, I need KITTENS in my FACE! I’m still sort of in the rebound period after losing my ridiculously amazing ferret six months ago (you know, where you want to borrow everyone else’s animals but aren’t ready to commit?) so a perpetual cycle of kittens and loss sounded like an awesome fix. I signed up for the next kitten-fostering class at the SPCA.

The two-hour class was taught by Alison Lane, the SPCA Foster Coordinator, who is super nice and helpful. In it, we learned:

• Fostering saves lives. Because of foster homes, the SF SPCA is able to take in about 1,000 more kittens a year! BAM!
• It is a lot of work. Fostering kittens requires a minimum time-commitment of two hours a day. You have to be available to take them to the SPCA for regular vaccinations and in case of emergency.
• You need a safe, easy-to-clean kitten room away from resident animals. A bathroom is recommended for good reason (more on this later) but I’m poor and share my bathroom with five people—so my bedroom it is.
• You keep the kittens until they weigh two pounds and can be spayed or neutered and put up for adoption. So you basically get them at the height of preciousness and socialize them to be awesome pets.
• The SPCA gives you a surprisingly thick volunteer manual [.pdf], which conveniently doubles as a kitten calendar minus the white squares.
• They also provide dry and wet food (Fancy Feast! These bitches eat better than me!), plus a “vegetable” scale to weigh them every day. You buy the litter box, scoop, litter and scratching post (for a total of $15.23 at the SPCA).
• I also got my kittens blankets and snazzy toys, but you can use old towels and make your own toys. Kitten badger don’t give a fuck.

For you losers out there who can’t cut it as a freelance writer or artist and have to go to your square JOB that pays you a boring SALARY or whatever from 9 to 5, you can foster kittens, too! You just have to feed them and change their litter before you leave for work, when you first come home, and before bed. Plus they will probably liberate your employed soul, so you should totally do it!

When I got home, I emailed Alison and made an appointment to pick up my antidepressant kittens the following Saturday. I DID NOT get wasteyface the night before, but NESTED like a neurotic mama-goose cat-lady—and magically got up before noon on a Saturday to pick up my kitten babies. After a brief run-down with Alison, she brought out my kittens; Clover and Stars were two tiny, mewling, black amaze-balls, one longhair and one shorthair. I was a little bummed that if all went well, I’d only have the little bros for a week (they start you off easy), but OHMYGOSH KITTENS!

DAY ONE
THE CUTENESS IS ALMOST UNBEARABLE. I’m serious. Because like, there’s nothing to do about it. UGH! You basically get blue-balled by cuteness.

Clover and Stars are exceptionally badass cats — they’re both super playful, curious and affectionate, but I’m quickly learning their individual quirks. Like that Stars FUCKING OWNS the feather toy. And Clover asks to be picked up. AWWW!

DAY TWO
I wake up to two black kitten noses pressed against my face. I remember that Alison specifically said not to take kittens on your bed, but they jump up themselves and won’t listen to me! Besides, I love feeling LOVED!
It’s over. I’m hooked on cuteness contact high.

DAY THREE
I have officially fallen into a K-HOLE OF ADORABLE. I thought the kittens would make me more productive by keeping me in my room and on a schedule, but it’s hard to get anything done when you are anchored to a chair by an impossibly adorable purr-bomb all up in your lap and you can’t even reach your computer.

DAY FOUR

I (metaphorically) stop showering and delete my Facebook (metaphorically). Kittens are all I need now. Kittens make me happy. An anonymous kitten has a little accident on my brand-new duvet, but whatever! Kittens!
I bought them a scratching post, but they prefer my yoga matt (now destroyed). Eye shadows are hockey pucks, curtains a rock-climbing wall. I leave Stars and Clover alone longer than a few hours for the first time and return to find my beloved person-sized trout pillow soaked in urine on the floor.

But whatever, right? Kittens! Anyway, it seems they will definitely reach their goal weight by day seven, so I make an appointment to drop them off soon. Sadness.

DAY FIVE:
WHY ARE YOU PEEING ON MY BED WHEN I HAVE GIVEN YOU EVERYTHING I LOVE YOU SO MUCH WHY???!!!!?!

DAY SIX
I wake up to discover the kittens have officially started using my bed as a litter box (AKA KITTEN POOP ON MY DUVET WTF). I call Alison, who explains that I should have contacted her immediately when the kittens were having litter box issues, so they won’t learn bad habits and be returned by their families when adopted. Of course I feel shoot-me-now HORRIBLE (even though she assures me it’s fine).

I decide to cut my losses and return them a day early. I was SUPER sad to say goodbye but I think my shame softened the blow a little.

Fostering kittens is seriously effing amazing and IT SAVES LIVES and you should do it! Just don’t fuck up like me! If you have to use your bedroom, get a kitten corral or large cage for when they are unsupervised. I already got mine. BAM! That’s right; this kitten mama is coming back for more! That’s how good this shit is, man.
If you are interested in fostering kittens, please contact your local SPCA or rescue group. For information on fostering with the SF SPCA, click here. To sign up for the next foster class, email the Foster Coordinator Alison Lane at foster@sfspca.org. Do it!

UPDATE: Clover and Stars have found their forever homes! If you are interested in adopting a kitten or cat from the SPCA, click here.

Aurora Wells is a writer and artist living in San Francisco with persistent dreams and borrowed kittens. While working on her first graphic novel, she writes about death and pours shots at a dive bar. Art, animals and alliteration are some of Aurora’s favorite things. She will do pretty much anything for that vegan cookie.

Don’t let the Animal Humane Society turn you into an animal hoarder!  »

[Can’t see the video? Watch it on Vegansaurus.com]

Both Sarah and Megan submitted posts for this insanely sweet new PSA so I thought I’d post both because it’s Friiiiday and I’m feeling CRAZY! It’s a post-off!! post. off. POST. OFF. POST! OFF!!!

First, Megan:
What cats want, from the Animal Humane Society. I’m sorry but I love talking animals. Talking babies too. OK, I lied, I’m not sorry! Because thug means never having to say you’re sorry.

I wonder how many Vegansaurus readers have cats? Like is it a normal distribution similar to that of general society or is it like EVERYONE because we are vegans?

Now, Sarah:
CUTE OVERLOAD, Y’ALL. The new Animal Humane Society PSA, “I Want…,” is promoting kitty-cat adoption with adorable talking cats! Watch this 1 million times, and then go adopt every cat everywhere ever.*

*Just kidding—then there’d be no kitties left for me! I need all of the kitties because I am a kitty hoarder.**
**Kidding again! I swear!

Okay, both posts are equally awesome! POST-OFF TIE DECLARED! Kittens for everyone!