vegansaurus!

05/15/2012

Lady Gaga has a new meat dress; I’m torn between disgust and indifference  »


Yes, this is Lady Gaga’s new meat dress. I find it disgusting but I’m also like, um, it’s no worse than a leather dress. Then again, leather is made of animals but it’s kind of hush-hush; people like to pretend it comes from a tree, whereas this dress is a celebration of killing animals. Then again-again, maybe it’s better to stick it in their faces, like yeah, this is totally gross, but it’s no different than your leather dress.

Those giant meat things around her, those are fake, right? They look fake but I don’t know, meat looks crazy. If they were real, I’d be like eff you to effing hell. 

God! I hate everybody! Why can’t they just stop torturing animals? They get mad AT ME for being vocal about my veganism, and I’m like, OK, what’s something that actually upsets you? How about sex trafficking? What if sex trafficking was in your face every waking hour and everyone you know and love isn’t just compliant, they are standing in a line leading out of the brothel eagerly awaiting their turn. Fuck.

04/18/2011

Lady Gaga didn’t make anyone kill a cat, but this shit is still hella sad!  »

A 20-year old girl, getting ready for a bangin’ night out, goes through her normal beauty regimen. Glitter: check. Water bra: check. Whiskey flask: double check. Outfit splattered in neighbor’s cat’s blood: Ch-wait, what?

I guess pre-gaming is a little different these days. Angelina Barnes from good ol’ Oklahoma has been charged with animal cruelty, and being a fucking creep, after a series of events leading up to a Lady Gaga concert. Gaga, no offense, but this kiiind of trumps your meat dress.

A news report states a relative of Barnes came home, presumably to unwind with a nice Colt 45 and a little Idol, only to see a “completely dark house, with duct tape covering light switches.” [Ed.: creepy!] And there Barnes was, just hanging out in “a long coat with streaks of what ended up being cat blood on her face.” It puts the lotion in the basket.

Poor Whiskers. It’s clear this woman is very mentally unstable. Ready for some more of investigators’ findings? Purple hair dye/blood all over the bathroom; a drowned kitty-kins, belly cut open and “eyes mutilated; the cat’s liver was found in a makeup case on counter.” So Barnes was taken to a hospital, where she went all Girl, Interrupted and tried to slice a nurse with some glass. Her family claims she has previously suffered from depression, but this behavior was completely out of character. Not that anyone ever says, “Oh, yeah, I taught my kids how to appease the gods by offering up the blood of innocent critters. I also like them to use scented candles for ambiance.”

Of course, the media loves to blame famous persons. Especially famous liberal persons. If it’s not Josh Groban, it must be the devil. Fox was quick to correlate a young student’s suicide to an Obama speech on the same campus. So, like Marilyn Manson’s plight of the ’90s, Gaga must now pick up the burden on the fucked up happenings of her fans. You monsters. Barnes, I hope you have a nice recovery, and mental illness is a rough biz, but the cat didn’t do anything to you.

[Ed.: Now let’s all look at cute adoptable cats because 1. You know you’re already looking at kitty porn! and 2) I need to focus on something that’s not super fucked up so I can get out of bed tomorrow morning!]
It’s Anya! She’s up for adoption in Alameda (MY ISLAND HOME FROM WHENCE I CAME) and she’s adorable and you want to spoil her with awesome love and not drown her and smear her blood on your body. I know that normally goes without saying but as it turns out, you can never be too careful! Ugh!

This guest post was brought to us by Jessi Stafford! Jessi is originally from St. Louis…ish. She’s now squandering her fortune while freelancing in Baton Rouge, LA. A University of Missouri Journalism grad, Jessi uses her degree for cocktail-drinking. She loves hyperbole and whoring around thrift stores. Jessi’s becoming a regular (guest poster) on Vegansaurus and we love it!

04/15/2011

Top 10 links of the week! A breezy ride through veganism!  »

[your animal viral video of the week! I don’t understand what’s going on. Where is this? Is this like a private dolphin?]

I can tell you guys have big things to worry about but if you have time to care about the seal hunt, you should keep an eye on the Humane Society’s “Live from the Ice” reporting.

Yo, did you know there’s a debate about whether or not it’s ethical for vegans and vegetarians to eat mock meat? Me neither! This Dish is Veg has a post about it, read it and tell me what you think.

Some 20-year-old killed a cat to perfect her outfit for a Lady Gaga show. I don’t want to talk about it.

Treehugger has good news about the gorilla population in the Congo! Gorillas are just amazing. Like, you can’t not be amazed when you look at them. Plus, they’re nearly vegan (I hear sometimes they eat bugs)! They don’t eat cows and they still manage to be all strong and diesel.

If you didn’t get enough Laura this week, check out The Week in Vegan. She mentions Shakira, who rules. I’m sold. Read it and comment!

News gets cute this week: “Research shows that man’s best friend categorizes people as generous or mean by keeping tabs on how they treat others.” That’s how everyone’s dog knows YOU’RE the softy! Read all about it at the Daily Mail.

Michael Vick continues to be a douche.

Read Ricky Gervais’ letter calling for the director of NIH to help 14 chimpanzees that have been sent to a research facility in Texas. Ricky Gervais is just the man. I don’t know what he could do to make me like him more but I think it would involve free vegan cinnamon rolls. Or roller-skates.

Wolves can’t catch a break. Groups are in the process of trying to de-list wolves as an endangered species in the Great Lakes area. The New York Times has the story. I’m getting fucking sick of this. It’s like, you almost wipe out a species and then after hard work, the species begins to flourish and then you want to kill them again. WTF?

Friends of Animals has a brief update on the wolf de-listing rider in the budget proposal. It’s on it’s way to the prez! Fucking awesome!

09/23/2010

Lady Gaga, your meat clothes make me sick!  »

God, if that horrible Lady Gaga monstrosity wasn’t enough, now designers are sending meat dresses down the runway at Fashion Week. Jeremy Scott (who is this person? I just looked up his designs and they are HORRIBLE. I’m not going to link, though, because I don’t want to give him more publicity than I already am by writing this) got a standing ovation after he showed a skirt/bikini/godawful mess that looked like prosciutto. I don’t know what worse, the fact that is is so ugly or the fact that the New York Daily News says, “Unlike Gaga’s dress it only appeared edible,” implying that Lady GagME’s dress was made of REAL MEAT.

OH MY GOD! Her dress was real meat. How are you gonna do us like that, Lady Gaga? How are you going to talk about the rights of others and how we all deserve them as you are standing there wearing a dress made of animals who not only have no rights but lost their lives to cover your genitals as you stand there talking about love and equality? Where is your SELF-AWARENESS? and where was it when your designer was stitching 25 pounds of dead flesh to make you a garment? That sounds like a scene from some horrible fairytale.

And then she’s all about not meaning any disrespect to vegans or vegetarians—IN WHAT WAY? How do you “mean no disrespect” when you are wearing a piece of dead cow on your head? Oh, wait…I get it! You said you’re “the most judgment-free” human being, so it must be true. First: impossible. Second: so you’ve mastered the art of making grand statements about yourself with only a modicum of basis in fact; OK. Third: we don’t care if you’re judging us. THAT IS NOT THE POINT. The point is that you are making a statement that makes absolutely no sense and didn’t even register until YOU EXPLAINED IT and EVEN THEN, WHAT? Plus, meat fashion isn’t even original. The Kermit dress was better, as far as statements about cruelty go.

You’re making this really hard on me, Stefani Joanne! How am I supposed to continue defending “Bad Romance” and “Paparazzi” to haters when my own reaction to this meat-dress debacle is to scream “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?” through a motherfucking bullhorn?

I can almost understand people who eat meat but don’t wear fur (LOOKING AT YOU, Bethenny “Any excuse to get naked” Frankel), but the amount of cognitive dissonance that must be taking place when one says "I hate fur. And I don’t wear fur", poses on the cover of a magazine in a MEAT BIKINI, and then wears a full-on MEAT DRESS to an awards show is scary. I do not understand how wearing an entire ensemble made out of raw beef is different than wearing fur. How does that even make sense? What, you’re using the entire animal? What, you’re using it to make a statement? Sorry, I can’t hear you over your rampant, Kelly Killoren Bensimon-levels of hypocrisy.

09/13/2010

Ellen offers Lady Gaga lettuce bikini (or something?)  »

Lady Gaga wore a meat suit (I say suit here because he’s a dude*) to the VMA’s, and later (or was it before?), Ellen politely asks her to wear a suit made of veggies instead. So cute, read more. Also, anyone grossed out by the meat suit who wears leather, I CALL BULLSHIT BECAUSE I’M THE VEGAN POLICE! Also, Gaga won’t wear fur. The plot thickens (or gets stupider, I’m not sure which).

It’s awesome when Ellen does this shit because she’s so g-d likable that she can get away with being all, “Yo, you and that was gross, wear this instead to be less gross.” and everyone is like, “OMG YOU ARE SO RIGHT AND SMART, ELLEN.” and it’s true because she is. More vegans like her, please!

[can’t see the video? watch it at vegansaurus.com!]

Update: The hilarious geniuses at Shut Up, Foodies! have Things to Say about the meat dress as well; things that are most definitely worth reading! “She also had an escort of soldiers who had been discharged because of DADT–which should really be called GGO for “Gay? Get Out”–but the soldiers didn’t get to say anything. It is kind of precarious to insert yourself into the discussion that way and then not let those who have actually been harmed speak.”

*And this is a STUPID JOKE EVERYONE CHILL I KNOW SHE IS FEMALE(ish). OMG WHAT! Don’t worry, I love Gaga as much (or more) than you do (have you committed to “Paparazzi” as your ringtone? WELL THEN STEP OFF) and making fun of her absurdity is half the fun. She doesn’t need you to defend her, she’s too busy fucking piles of money every night with her gigantic penis SO RUDE!

03/17/2010

The Doggie Gaga Project.
Aaaaaaaand you’re welcome. 
(thx, Pawesome!)

The Doggie Gaga Project.

Aaaaaaaand you’re welcome. 

(thx, Pawesome!)

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