OH NO: matches aren’t vegan! »
The world is fucking ridiculous. First the Kardashians get their own television show. Then some of them get their own spin-off show. And now it has come to my attention that matches are not vegan. Yeah, that’s right. Whenever you want to light up a soy candle that you so painstakingly made sure was vegan, you best be rubbing some sticks over that shit: matches are the devil’s work.
I was watching a rerun of How It’s Made where, among other things, they discussed how matches are made. I was shocked to learn that gelatin is a part of the chemical cocktail on match heads, and was floored when the narrator introduced “animal protein” as an ingredient promoting oxidization. I had no fucking idea that something so commonplace as a match is teeming with “animal product.” Yucky yuck. It’s up on YouTube, see for yourself. A simple google search backed up How It’s Made's claim, one source citing “animal glue” as both a combustor and adhesive, and isinglass as a “conditioner.” It makes me wonder what the fuck is in everything else I own that doesn’t have an ingredients list. Oh, the bittersweet aftertaste of truth. I think I’m going to go cry in a corner now.
Time to set the record straight: the rumor of Stella McCartney and Morrissey teaming up on a new shoe line turned out to be lies, all lies, even though it was confirmed at the time by the Daily Mail. Which is all another way of saying, never believe anything printed by a UK tabloid. I would have killed for a men’s line from Stella, and I would have gone gay for Morrissey, but now neither is in the cards. Take that, jerks.