How to be a fancy and demanding vegan, part two: know the owner!  »

Previously on How to Be a Fancy and Demanding Vegan, we discussed dropping a shit-ton of money and calling ahead. Today, we discuss the vegan power you yield when you know the owner! It’s a mighty, mighty force. I was with my ever-urbane brother and sister-in-law again, just as I was in our first installment. In truth, I didn’t know the owner at all, it was my bro. He’s the man. Got mad connects.

My parents were in town and wanted to get dinner together so my brother made plans for us at Locanda Vini & Olii in Brooklyn, where his homeboy is one of the owners. My mom was like, “Did you make sure Megan can eat there?” And my brother was like, “who do you think you are talking to?!” He had made sure it was all set and they knew a fancy and demanding vegan would be in the house.

We didn’t look at the menu because menus are totally out. Instead, his friend kept bringing us dish after dish—there were like five or six courses! I was ready to burst! With pleasure. While the rest of my family shared their omni dishes, I got my own, totally vegan dishes made special just for me. SO FUN!

The picture at the top is this strawberry and radicchio salad they made me. First, they brought out all this crazy meat for my fam and then they were like, “OK, now we’ll go get your salad!” And I was like, “A salad? Bleh.” And then that beautiful bowl of goodness comes out! I was in love.

Before that, I had this salad-ish dish:

It was called something like “the first day of spring,” but in Italian—so romantic! Sorry for the poor picture quality, the lighting was low. Which suits my features. I think I just called myself ugly. Moving along! With the first day of spring,With the first day of spring, they also brought out the most amazing thing ever: Bread soup! BREAD soup! Soup, made of BREAD! Have you ever heard of such a thing? It was bread soaked in goodness and tomatoes and all this other stuff. It wasn’t soupy, it was more like the consistency of polenta. But here’s my question: why don’t I eat bread soup for every meal?!

The bread soup was really good but it was actually just my second favorite thing; my REAL favorite thing was this funny pasta!:

It was basically like gnocchi but in the shape of gummy worms. And it was HELLA GOOD. This is what I’m talking about, people! From now on, it’s all about bread soup and skinny gnocchi. Seriously, let’s break away from veganism and form our own sect where we only eat stuff made out of bread and pasta in the shape of gummy worms. Who’s with me?!

They didn’t have a dessert for me and my dad was crushed, because he’s adorable, but I was like, “Dad, I assure you, I’ve had enough omni restaurant sorbet in my vegan lifetime.” Besides, I was seriously about to burst! I didn’t even tell you about the artichoke soup and this pesto made of some leafy green instead of basil. And the bread was damn good too. And the wine! The wine was perfect! Rosé is so hot right now. So hot.

That is today’s lesson, everybody: know the owner. Until next time, stay classy, vegans! And thanks, Locanda! Let’s get married!

UPDATE!: According to my brother, Locanda Vini & Olii would treat ANY vegan this way. So please see the previous How to Be a Fancy and Demanding Vegan because you should still prob call ahead. But you don’t have to know the owner! At least not here. Though I still recommend it! It’s totally baller.

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