Eat new flavors of Coconut Bliss; gain 10,000 pounds!  »

Coconut Bliss has four new flavors. I already had a mega-ladyboner for the existing ones, so I flipped at the chance to try them. (Dear Luna & Larry: I would flip at the chance to re-try all the old ones, like, a million times each as well, thanks.) You asked for my thoughts? Oh, you didn’t? Well, TOO BAD:

Lunaberry Swirl: This is your typical crystalline berry-flavored swirl in vanilla base. It’s got blueberries, strawberries, and blackberries without that weird texture that makes berries gross (I hate fruit). The flavor is pretty mild, and the whole experience reminded me of those single-serving ice cream cups with the wooden spoons they’d give you at ice cream socials. Help me out, guys: What were those called? It’s driving me bananas! Fruit joke!

Mocha Maca Crunch: It’s crunchy, all right; my jaw is like the Hulk now. It contains maca (revered by Aztecs or somebody for its energy- and libido-boosting properties), mesquite, coffee, and cocoa nibs. Lucky for me, the coffee flavor was not too strong (I hate coffee; related: I’m an alien). The texture was pleasant, but it could have used a soft swirl (fudge maybe?) to balance out the crunchiness.

Chocolate Walnut Brownie: This has real brownie bits! I’m in heaven! They are gluten-free and soft and chewy! My dream has been realized! Also, I don’t always love chocolate-flavored stuff or even chocolate itself (I know! What is wrong with me?!), so I was pleased that I enjoyed the chocolate base. It’s probably the best chocolate ice cream in the biz, yo.

Ginger Cookie Caramel: This one was the winner. You didn’t know it was a contest? Surprise! Soft, molasses-y, gluten-free cookies pair up with an uber-yummy caramel swirl. The ginger flavor is really strong, so if you don’t like ginger, you are dead to me you won’t like this. This ice cream brings back memories of that one time I made gingerbread cookies except less disastrous.

Go to your local Coconut Bliss-carrying store and stockpile that shit, along with my all-time favorite flavor, Cherry Amaretto (hooray, alcohol!). Stuff into your face, and be happy.

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