Review: Weird Fish!  »

Weird Fish. OK. First, their mascot is a fat mermaid. DOPE. Second, they have lots of vegan options, including vegan fish and chips (made with either tofu or tempeh!) on a bed of regular and sweet potato fries, seitan buffalo wings (WHAT) and deep-fried green beans (WHAT) and pickles (WHAT) with vegan dipping sauce (WHAT) and c) THEIR MASCOT IS A FAT MERMAID. I love me a fat mermaid. I want this bitch to have a smackdown with Ariel in the 24th Little Mermaid and possibly eat her and then turn the prince not gay. Because the prince is about as butch as these fools having an orgy with these fools. Sorry, I know this is a blog about eating and now I’m about to make you lose your lunch.

Oh, they also serve a really great brunch on the weekends. They have a specific tofu scramble but you can substitute tofu in any of the egg dishes instead. Vegan bacon, vegan sausage and vegan CHEESE (I believe it’s Follow Your Heart) They even have vegan pancakes!!! SO EXCITING!!! It’s so great to go to brunch and be able to eat something more than dry oatmeal with a side of hunger pains and/or hep C. I’m looking at you, dirty-ass IHOP.

A few more things: This place is a good date restaurant but not great for groups, as it is very tiny. Be prepared for a wait most nights; you can sit at their TEENY TINY bar in the back of the restaurant or wait outside with your wine at the bus stop, like a hobo. Speaking of wonderful alcohol, they have a small but good wine and beer list, no hard liquor. Their desserts are weak and expensive, skip them and walk or hop on the bus up Mission Street to Maggie Mudd instead for a deeeeelicious sundae of deliciousness.

[photo via yelp]


Review: Maggie Mudd!  »

One time when I thought I was giving up sweets for Lent, before I realized that because no one holds me to particular religious beliefs anymore, I don’t have to go through the motions of abiding by the behavioral dictates of a particular time of year (sorry, Jesus; I’m done), my boyfriend took me to Maggie Mudd for one last stomach-filling sugar binge, ostensibly to tide me over until Palm Sunday.

During dinner, I had the aforementioned epiphany, leading my boyfriend to note that this was not getting me out of an enormous ice cream sundae. As if I needed to be talked into it. What’s up, gluttony. We ate at a mediocre Italian place up the street (review to come later, mediocre Italian place with a misleading menu), and then walked down the Cortland Street hill a bit to the teeny little nook that is Maggie Mudd’s storefront.

We walked in, and we stared. We stared and stared and stared. Look, I said, Look at all the sundaes they can make vegan! Look at all the varieties of soy- and coconut-milk ice cream! O the anticipation. Nationally available vegan ice cream is generally, well, off. If it doesn’t have a weird soy aftertaste, it’s grainy, or more icy than creamy, or any other of the myriad problems you can have with food imitation. The best soy-cream product I’d had before our venture to Bernal Heights was Tofutti Cuties, and those things are so full of weird chemicals and saturated fats you might as well be eating Kraft Dinner with a bacon spoon.

Right, so, the flavors, they seemed limitless. The sundaes, decadent. I had the Tarmack, a peanut-butter-chocolate-cookie bits concoction with peanut butter and chocolate syrups. I couldn’t finish it, though heaven knows I wanted to. I let my boyfriend slurp up the last melty bits of it and wished I were as bottomless a pit.

Their lemon-poppyseed coconut-milk-based ice cream is perfection in the realm of non-sorbet frozen citrus desserts. They make the (blessedly) vegan waffle cones in front of you so they are hot when you get them and cool and harden in your hand while the ice cream gently melts.

Minus points for the “non-dairy” whipped topping, which seemed suspect. Of course it could have been the gorging that gave me and my boyfriend both upset stomachs, but you never know with dairy. It’s sneaky and totally out to get you. Plus points for the pints being (nearly) as good as the ice cream in-house. Minus points to every grocery store that doesn’t carry it, though I don’t think that’s Maggie Mudd’s fault. Minus points to their in-store packed pints costing an exorbitant $7—is a pint of a commercially unavailable flavor like fresh blueberry worth that much? A million billion plus points for their cakes, which are endlessly customizable, reasonably priced, and quite lovely.

[photo by Friend of Vegansaurus Melisser, the Urban Housewife!]

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