Yum Yum what? Yum Yum HOUSE! A review »
Once upon a time, there was a little restaurant with a bright neon sign called Yum Yum House. It was the best Chinese food for blocks—the meatless/mock/vegan chicken dishes were bountiful, the tofu was plentiful, the vegetables were varied and delightful. Yum Yum House’s deliveries were prompt and exact; they did not skimp on sauce; they never gave you a hard time over the phone. Nine months ago, had you asked me, I would’ve told you something like this:
The wonderful thing about Yum Yum HOUSE is that they will substitute almost any of their murdered-chicken dishes with tofu or “mock chicken,” so vegans & vegetarians have a larger selection than usual. Yum Yum HOUSE loves to make customers happy!
My ideal order from Yum Yum HOUSE: Chef’s Special Mandarin Chicken, and Szechuan broccoli. Those of us with larger appetites can also choose between a free (with orders of $10 and up) order of fried rice (no egg? no problem!) or chow mein. I always entertain the thought of putting on some rice after calling for delivery, figuring the delivery-person should arrive around the same time the rice is finished, and my rice is different colored and fragrant and fun; clearly superior to restaurant white.
If you can’t say no to free food, the fried rice no egg is better than the chow mein, which is too greasy for me. I spent a couple of my teenage years eating the cheapest, worst, most delicious chow mein ever: $2 for a box stuffed full of noodles, cabbage, and “chicken” if you wanted it, fifty cents more for a soda. O sodium. Two school years of that killed my taste for chow mein, so thought my gentleman-friend devours it, I can’t speak directly to its quality.
Yum Yum HOUSE! so nice, so timely, such reasonable prices. don’t ever change; unless you want to increase your vegan menu, in which case, send me a flyer post-haste.
However, sometime between then and now, YYHOUSE! lost its lease on the building on Valencia, and calling its phone number sent you to Jasmine Tea House (fine and all, but in my opinion inferior to YYH!’s menu). Depressed, we recycled the menu, and speculated about the fate of the amazing neon sign.
But suddenly, thanks to the magic of twitter and the size of our social circles (San Francisco: city and county: we run small), we have learned that Yum Yum House! has not vanished from our peninsula but moved to Pacific Heights, becoming the similarly yet-not-quite-as-appealingly named Yum Yum Hunan. Check the menu here; delicious and well priced Chinese food is one teeny phone call away. Oh! And if you are at all a fan of the purple giant, order the Yum Yum eggplant. It is somehow even better refried to crispiness the next day.
[photo by frankfarm]
Review: Jasmine Tea House! »
Jasmine Tea House is where Bill Clinton gets his delivery from when he’s in town and if you couldn’t tell it by looking at him, the Big Dog knows from food. Also, if you couldn’t tell it by looking at him, you need some glasses. Anyway, Jasmine Tea House has the absolute best fake chicken in all of San Francisco. I make this statement and I’m prepared to back it up. Preferred method of backing it up = my fists. There are a limited number of preparations of the magical meatless chicken listed under the vegetable section of the menu but they can veganize any of the chicken dishes. You absolutely MUST get the sesame fake chicken. Trust me. My omni friends like it even better than real chicken because they say it doesn’t have all the funky gristly parts and is instead, perfect chicken-like cubes of deep fried and sauced perfection! Just typing this, my mouth is begins to water for it. That is not a lie. And all I have is this nasty Luna bar. God is not good.
In addition to the glorious meatless chicken, the Singapore noodles are delicious and I also recommend the garlic spinach and the pea shoots if you want a meal with something other than fry. Pussy. They deliver anywhere in San Francisco and you get a free (gross) chow mein or free (gross) fried rice with any order over $15. They can substitute the chow mein or fried rice with plain white or brown rice if you ask and I highly recommend that because the chow mein and fried rice are GROSS.
Now, onto the employees. They’re mainly awesome, occasionally grumpy and sometimes incompetent city. One particularly frustrating evening, I ordered delivery and found that my fake chicken was indeed real chicken. Freaked out, I called back and went through an entire 20 minutes of arguing over whether or not I ordered fake chicken and then whether or not what I had was real or fake chicken. Listen, bitch. I know what I ordered because this is how I order fake meat at a restaurant that also serves real meat:
“I’d like the fake vegetarian vegan fake meatless chicken dish made with fake vegan meatless fake chicken.”
YOU FEEL ME???
Don’t argue with me about what I ordered, just send over the correct order right now because I’m FUCKING STARVING. And while this was a devastating, shitty event for me, it was a truly special night for my dog Hazel who eats and loves the vegan dog food I feed but was more than happy to tuck into a bowl of lemon chicken. MY OWN CHILD-DOG. Ugh, sometimes I’m so disappointed with her lack of will power. She’ll never get into Harvard at this rate!
[Jasmine Tea House photos via its website]