Hypothetically, let’s say you’re on a planet where meat causes environmental devastation. »
So we all loved that Buzzfeed list yesterday on 19 signs you’ve been vegan too long, but I especially loved #16, pictured above. All vegans get this question, I got this last week from the office tech guy. But I’ve been thinking about it more since I saw this picture yesterday and I have a new genius idea! The next time someone asks me if I would eat meat on a deserted island or whatever, I will say this!:
I will answer that question, but answer this one for me first: Let’s say you’re on an isolated planet on the brink of environmental disaster. What if people had the power to vastly improve the state of environmental destruction just by not eating meat, what would you do?
And that is my genius idea for today. If you get a chance to do this, let me know the outcome. I will do the same as soon as I get the deserted island question. Which should be any moment now.
Vegan French toast! I made these using Mom’s Kitchen vegan French toast mix. It’s the first time I tried this mix and I was pretty excited because I really loved French toast back in the omni days. So, my verdict: it looks like French toast and tastes like French toast! The only thing I will say is that it’s a bit dry but I think syrup would take care of that. But I forgot to buy syrup because I’m a genius. It was good with powdered sugar too, but syrup would have been better.
You know what would be cool? If I mixed this stuff with the Vegg! Right? That would be super cool. Imma try it! But I’m going to get syrup first because maple syrup is kind of the best thing ever. REAL maple syrup of course, not that Log Cabin plastic crap. That’s my word.
The UK “loves” pork? »
UK pals, please tell me, WTF is this? I mean, I know what it is but are they serious?
This is a new campaign, at least to me, encouraging people to take a stand for quality pork? The Assured Food Standards gives their stamp of approval to various food providers that meet their standards. From their About Us:
Assuring food safety through every part of the supply chain is a vital priority for the food industry and for its many millions of consumers. Couple this with the demand for traceability of food; a concern for minimised pesticide residues; and in livestock production, increasing consumer awareness of animal welfare issues; the need for meaningful farm assurance is self-evident.
Now, honestly, I am not an abolitionist vegan; I think any improvement to quality of life for farm animals is good. I think the simple acknowledgment that animals deserve ANY quality of life by the government and general public is significant. It lays the foundation for the eventual realization that animals are totally sentient and deserve freedom and the best nature has to offer! OK, maybe that won’t happen, but it does set a precedence. If people agree farm animals deserve a certain quality of life, that means they believe that animals have rights. That’s a big deal. And if the rights of animals elevate to such and such today, tomorrow we can push that ceiling higher.
I think it’s good to give meat-eaters the option to buy meat that’s slightly less inhumane, and this seems better than the crazy double-speak of “cage-free” and whatnot. With that said! This campaign pains me. Does it have to be so fucking cutesy? Their mascot is a smiling pig. WTF.
I’ll tell you about “sausage’s best friend”: It’s the rest of its organs intact, living in a goddamn pig. I mean, “Stand by your ham”? Fuck you.
Here’s my suggestion for their next advertising campaign: Pictures of a real factory farm, with pigs falling off a conveyer belt and being stuffed into pens and beaten. And then be like, “Stand by your ham!” And then that would be the whole ad. Genius!
This is an advertisement for advertising* but it’s also so cute!
Hey, there are lawyers devoted to animals, how about an ad agency? Uh oh, it’s my new calling! Come on everybody, I know Final Cut [express]; send me some videos and I’ll make some animal commercials! Genius idea!
*I’d say “meta” but I’m totally over meta (discussing meta is so meta, btw).
Stamps for tramps! »
You know, like Lady and the Tramp: Stamps to the Rescue, along with Ellen and the United States Postal Service, is releasing lovely little stamps highlighting the beautiful little tramps you can find in animals shelters. There are 10 different stamps, all dogs or cats, and they each have a little story behind them about how that pet ended up in a shelter. Here’s what happen to Teddy (pictured):
Wired-Haired Jack Russell Terrier
The owners of Teddy’s mother were surprised when she gave birth to another litter. They couldn’t afford to raise more puppies, so they gave Teddy and his siblings to a shelter. Today, Teddy lives with a loving family, their other Jack Russell, and a cat.
In honor of the new stamps, Halo, Ellen’s pet food brand, is donating 1 million meals to shelter animals.
I love these stamps! I love adopted animals! The next step I guess is to try and remember how to write letters or whatever you need stamps for. My motto is, “if I can’t do it on the internet, it doesn’t get done.” Well, it’s less of a motto, more of a crippling personal flaw. The only thing I actually mail are my Netflix rentals and of course those are pre-paid. I don’t know anyone I want to write a damn letter to! Another problem: I write like a frustrated 10-year-old boy, which makes my letters scary and hard to read. Wait wait wait! Genius idea: let’s all get prison pen-pals and write to them! Better yet, vegan prison pen-pals! Let it be done!