Store review: Micio Mambo!  »

Micio Mambo is an awesome all-vegan boutique off of Grand Avenue in Oakland. I wrote this hilarious epic review about them but then Firefox fucking crashed and since Tumblr doesn’t auto-save, I don’t have it anymore. I’m so pissed, I hate the internet SO FUCKING MUCH. The review was funny and touching and marvelous, nothing like it has been written, before or since or ever. My genius is lost and it’s freezing in this house, I’m so cold. So, so cold.

Okay so Micio Mambo. Cruelty-free and environmentally friendly shop filled with shoes, bags, bath and body stuff, jewelery, shirts and much more. Everything is very reasonably priced and Ursula, the super friendly and adorable owner has a good eye for cute shit and you’ll want all of it. If they don’t have something you’re looking for, mention it to her and I bet she can order it. She’s super.

So the first time I came to Micio Mambo it was for an East Bay Animal Advocate’s* fundraiser party. At this benefit, I met Pia the chicken. It was my first time meeting a chicken nose to beak and it was GREAT. Pia was a sassy little girl who preferred observing the activity from the safety of her crate and after what she’d been through, you couldn’t blame her. EBAA had recently saved Pia and a bunch of other chicks that were discovered at a post office in Oakland en route from an evil Santa Cruz hatchery to an evil “farm” in Washington state. They were ONE DAY OLD. They were found in SHIPPING BOXES. FUCKING A. When people argue about whether humans are inherently good or evil, I just want to rip my hair out. Humans are an awful fucking plague on this earth. Seriously, how did it get this bad? It’s like we’re living in the alternate 1985 from Back to the Future Part II when Biff is in charge and the streets are on fire and gangs of hoodlums roam the city just shooting at nuns and babies and your dad is dead and your alcoholic mom is trapped in a relationship with an abusive psychopath and you’re too much of a good for nothing delinquent that you can’t do anything to help her OH AND THE DELORIAN ISN’T WORKING AND YOU (read: the entire human race) ARE SCREWED! Seriously, that future is now and the future is fucked.

What I’m trying to say here is that if I lived through what Pia lived through, I wouldn’t be the lovely, sassy lady that she was. I’d be pecking out eyes and karate-chopping fools in the balls and shit. That’s all I’m trying to say.

*Now stop reading this and go give them all your money. They are one of the few groups that are actively pursuing real change for animals. So instead of getting up at the 3 a.m. on Black Friday to stand outside in the freezing cold just to buy more hideous shit you don’t need from TJ Maxx, why don’t you stop by Micio Mambo and support a great local business and then make a donation to EBAA?! ‘Tis the seasons, motherfuckers!

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